Top Ten Deadspin Screen Names for Mitt Romney

[Hi all - it's been a while since I've done one of these or really anything, so I thought I'd get back into the swing of things by shamelessly ripping off something I did 8 months ago and you probably long since forgot about.  Tonight, we ponder what Mitt Romney's screen name would be if he commented on Deadspin]

10.  Bryce Harper's Secret Lover

9.  All Over But The ... Well, I Guess It's Just All Over Now

8.  (Warning: pretty much everyone who is poor) Will Leach

7. dont-forget-where-you-came-from-unless-its-a-polygamist-compound-in-mexico-in-which-case-yes-you-should-probably-do-your-best-to-forget-about-it

6.  Walk Off IRS

5.  FAILBOT

4.  SavetoSortofInoffensive

3.  MiserabLDS Shitehawk

2.  Bevraj of Life

1.  Steffi Gaffe

MKM Top Ten

Top Ten Words That Should Be Dirty Words But Aren't


10.  Carp
9.    Loophole
8.    Brie
7.    Blurb
6.    Fred
5.    Shovel
4.    Napkin
3.    Spool
2.    Sate
1.    Chunk

MKM Top Ten List

Consider this KOAN.

Top Ten Little Known Kinja Features

10.  Automatically shares comments with Facebook and Twitter friends, as well as your mother-in-law
9.    Makes all jokes 10% funnier by adding "in bed" at the end of every sentence.
8.    Pixelated Burner Account avatars actually provide real-time view through Nick Denton's compound eyes
7.    To limit litigation risk, all comments to Magary posts set to display only on the PS Vita of the commenter originally posting them
6.    Formerly starred commenters now considered "Corporals" and accordingly all content is placed behind the two chevrons on the right side of the screen
5.    "O AN HE SEXY" auto-converts to HTML code for photo of Hamilton Nolan in a velvet robe, invitingly stroking a Siamese
4.    All comments by Dubai at Night inexplicably converted into nonsensical unfounded accusations
3.    High-tech Kinja algorithm takes into account users' commenting history, length and thoughtfulness of comment, and attractiveness of photos on linked Facebook profile
2.    In event of emergency, has the ability to communicate directly with Zooey Deschanel to arrange for soup delivery
1.    Is almost an anagram for "a jinx"

MKM Top Ten List

TOP TEN REJECTED NAMES FOR KINJA

10. Pow... Wha?
9.   Kinsanity
8.   Poise-Vision
7.   Rubixia
6.   Tragedy of the Comments
5.   Telerium Dentons
4.   Nucoak
3.   Curveball
2.   Oopsie Dixit
1.   Fluster Suck

An MKM Top Ten List (Least Popular Cars)

So, it's no secret that I occasionally sneak over to Jalopnik to ogle the finest, most beautiful automobiles in the world, while mingling with the absolute worst - and almost certainly ugliest - commentariat on the planet.   The cars featured there, besides those earning the "Crack Pipe" moniker, tend to be the greatest, most popular vehicles in the world.  Today, a top ten list that explores those cars that would better accord (Accord!?) with the aesthetics of the Jalopnik readership.

Top Ten Least Popular Cars for 2012

10.  Dodge Creditors
9.  Lamborghini Rollata al Forno
8.  Maybach Upunexpectedly
7.  Bentley Harvey-Oswald
6.  Hyundai UMF
5.  Kia Mycara
4.  Passion of the Chrysler
3.  A Lexus Rios
2.  Chevrolet Off Everyone
1.  GM KM

An MKM Top Ten List (George W. Bush Screennames)

I think we all know that if George W. Bush read Deadspin, his favorite feature would be Drunken Hookup Failures.  But what name would he use if he decided to comment?  Here are ten possibilities. 

George W. Bush Top Ten Deadspin Screennames

10. Lionel Osbornagain

9.   PrezHilton

8.  Bring Back Anthony Weiner

7.  dont-forget-where-you-came-from-but-on-tv-pretend-its-texas-and-not-maine-because-that-makes-you-sound-like-some-sort-of-pussy-you-damned-sissy-boy-cheerleader

6.  Ash Ur, Texan

5.  UnscientificMapp

4.  Sponsored By G8

3.  GeorgieDrinky

2.  Unitas, not a divider

1.  WhynotstartUnilateralconflictseveryday

An MKM Blog Top Ten List (Republican Nomination Perks)

Top Ten Little Known Perks To Winning The Republican Presidential Nomination

10. Can use campaign funds to finally pimp out MySpace page the way you've always wanted to.
9.  Chance to make cameo in next Final Destination sequel.
8.  Front of the line privileges at participating Cheesecake Factories.
7.  SuperPAC can use unlimited funds to reunite Lords of Acid.
6.  Dick Armey gives amazing back rubs.
5.  Campaign issued Blackberry comes loaded with sudoku and tic tac toe.
4.  Delivering the party's keynote address on national television is an incredible opportunity to secure that Golden Palace endorsement.
3.  Obama almost always offers a heartfelt pat on the backside after demolishing you in the debate.
2.  MKM will make hilarious intelligent jokes about you on Deadspin -- ohmigod, he totally knows you exist!
1.  Toby Keith endorsement song: not Red Solo Cup!

An MKM Blog Top Ten List (iPhone Apps or Medical Conditions)

Top Ten iPhone Apps or Dangerous Medical Conditions

10.  Slurred With Friends
9.  Temple Runs
8.  Hip Poker
7.  Infinity Braids
6.  Lower Back Paindora
5.  Explosive Diorama
4.  Yelp
3.  Uncontrollable Googling
2.  OpenTableSores
1.  Siri-usinternalbleeding

An MKM Blog Top Ten List: TV Shows

Top Ten Television Shows Featuring Deadspin Commenters

10.  Survivor: Phintastic Peninsula

9.  American StuartScottEye, Dull

8.  Two and a Half Men, starring Bevraj of Choice, UweBollocks, and lauren_jo

7.  Grays/Anatomy: Why Lance Armstrong and John Kruk Jokes Will Never Get You That Star

6.  MKMTV

5.  60 Minutes: Getting Through A Same Sad Echo Joke

4.  The Ex-Factor: AJ Ruined Deadspin! 

3.  The New Girl (Cancelled: Instead, catch yet another depressing rerun of Whynotstartyunieveryday)

2.  Dancing With The Stars: Tonight, Armen Gets Sent Home Early

1.  The Biggest Loser, featuring Raysism