[Funny commenter] is not actually funny and hasn't been funny in a long time. His/her jokes are lame and he/she smells like dogshit. I don't know this for sure, but I think we can assume it is true.
I disagree! [Funny commenter] is still very funny, even if he/she isn't around as much anymore. He/she probably smells like fresh pine needles and/or flowers. His puns are sharp and his recontextualizations of 6 words of an umpire post are always top-notch.
Playing with the boys Playing, playing with the boys Playing, playing with the boys, get up, get up Playing, playing with the boys, get up, get up Playing
Most important is the response from comment ninja. Second in importance is that I learned how to hyperlink stuff properly. Who says the world isn't getting better?
Look, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but she's awful. She embodies all the worst stereotypes about women. She just makes stupid terrible comments about how promiscuous she is, and expects that all men are so totally inept with women that we'll fall over ourselves in excitement as soon as one presents herself as available.
That's as nice as I can possibly be about it.
Also, either she's a dude, or there's a SWAT team about to kick in her stepdad's trailer door any minute.
I guess I'm probably a total asshole for saying this, but I have never thought AOBTS's Olive Garden schtick was funny (although I do enjoy most of his other work.)
I have always been a huge fan. The formulaic nature is part of what makes them so hilarious. And I'm really not a fan of the guy in general. He wears extremely short jorts, and smells like sulfur and heavy cream.
Uhh, it's the ten balog commandments What, uhh, uhh Look ya can't help but laughin' at this joke, uh-huh Can't help but laughin' at this track, ya dig? To my hustlin jokers Look I tried to warn ya, I ain't mad at you Baloggins Our Deadspin team figures. One up.
One two three four five six seven eight nine. Ten.
You want me to stay, I'm here, the haters can't stand it though. It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual A step by step booklet for you to get your game on track, you must earn your laughs. Rule nombre uno: sometimes just press cancel because, we all know, how grind mode can sometimes seem desperate we all agree if you're trying too much, you jokes will be rough. Number two: make sure that your comment is new. If someone beat you just redact or retract it. We all [sigh] at that shit. (uh-huh) We believe you're pissed but the fact is you're not that quick. Number three: never troll no-bo-dy Ninjas will clean that shit up, they don't need backup. You need to pass up, shit, or be gassed up you'll be back in pink status, cause you were just dumb. Number four: know you heard this before Meta don't fly, please don't even try. Number five: always aim for laughs, simple as that No one cares 'bout corrections found, fuck your pound Number six: let your typo slip? Just edit You think that no one will see that? Shit, believe it. Seven: this rule is so underrated Keep your work friends and Deadspin completely separated Comments and work don't mix and one snitch or some bitch Find yourself in serious shit Number eight: replies are not about you If you're not leaving plus ones, then think twice, dude. Number nine shoulda been number one to me If you ain't bein' funny it's okay to just read (uh-huh) If baloggas think you whiffin', don't bother glisten' Starville ain't open admittance, you'll lose your pass real quick Number ten: try to know 'bout Deadspin's past Know who's the veterans, and the freshmen If you don't get that one guys joke, ya must know That the ones are cause it's funny, just let it go Follow these rules you'll have new friends to make, ugh If not, DUAN with your peers, they won't make ya Chug if ya drink though, watch your friends go up the hearts are not what make ya, just cause laughs Your girl said you can stay up, Her outlook is that way she won't have to make love Heard she tolerates this, and can hook a steak up Gotta go gotta go, more laughs to make up, word up, uhh
IMPOSTORS
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the Lord's work.
ReplyDeleteThis thing was already broken when you gave it to me, I swear.
DeleteOK, fine, I'll start.
ReplyDelete[Funny commenter] is not actually funny and hasn't been funny in a long time. His/her jokes are lame and he/she smells like dogshit. I don't know this for sure, but I think we can assume it is true.
/flattered that he is described as [Funny commenter]
DeleteI disagree! [Funny commenter] is still very funny, even if he/she isn't around as much anymore. He/she probably smells like fresh pine needles and/or flowers. His puns are sharp and his recontextualizations of 6 words of an umpire post are always top-notch.
DeleteI heard Nick's going to use this awesome new Swiss Army knife to stab everybody to death. I can't wait to see it!
DeleteAnd the knife will run Android!
DeleteGO BACK TO GIZMODO
DeleteWHY ARE ALL OF THESE IMAGINARY PEOPLE GUYS, HUH? WOMEN DON'T USE THE INTERNET?
DeleteGo back to Jezebel! And come back with a sandwich!
DeleteWE WANT RAYSISM'S HEAD ON A STICK, FOR SOME REASON!
DeleteOK, but only if the stick is the little toothpick in the sandwich you are bringing.
DeleteWay to feed into the stereotype of women always using caps lock on the internet.
Delete[updates stereotype chart]
DeleteThis is exactly the kind of stuff we were hoping for.
DeleteI see where you're going with this, but I disagree with your assessment. I was never funny at any point.
DeletePlaying with the boys
ReplyDeletePlaying, playing with the boys
Playing, playing with the boys, get up, get up
Playing, playing with the boys, get up, get up
Playing
HERPDERP
ReplyDeleteRead that gem before it's moved to hineyholeisland.
Hey, here's your turd of the day:
ReplyDeletehttp://deadspin.com/5910845/the-angels-are-getting-desperate?comment=49811101#comments
That's not great, but dig the pinks in the survey thread before casting any stones.
ReplyDelete@IMG
DeleteLooks like a Jezebel crosspost. That's too easy.
But seriously, did anyone else recognize my friend Brady in that picture? Cray-Cray.
Did we talk about this yet?
ReplyDeleteI missed that the first time around, thank you.
DeleteMost important is the response from comment ninja.
DeleteSecond in importance is that I learned how to hyperlink stuff properly.
Who says the world isn't getting better?
Look, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but she's awful. She embodies all the worst stereotypes about women. She just makes stupid terrible comments about how promiscuous she is, and expects that all men are so totally inept with women that we'll fall over ourselves in excitement as soon as one presents herself as available.
DeleteThat's as nice as I can possibly be about it.
Also, either she's a dude, or there's a SWAT team about to kick in her stepdad's trailer door any minute.
Nearly every comment in this thread is fucking hilarious. Great work.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm probably a total asshole for saying this, but I have never thought AOBTS's Olive Garden schtick was funny (although I do enjoy most of his other work.)
ReplyDeleteI have always been a huge fan. The formulaic nature is part of what makes them so hilarious. And I'm really not a fan of the guy in general. He wears extremely short jorts, and smells like sulfur and heavy cream.
DeleteI gladly suffer the slings and arrows, knowing that I've made Hooneriphic giggle.
DeleteOne two three four five six seven eight nine
ReplyDeleteUhh, it's the ten balog commandments
What, uhh, uhh
Look ya can't help but laughin' at this joke, uh-huh
Can't help but laughin' at this track, ya dig?
To my hustlin jokers
Look I tried to warn ya, I ain't mad at you Baloggins
Our Deadspin team figures. One up.
One two three four five six seven eight nine. Ten.
You want me to stay, I'm here, the haters can't stand it though.
It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
your game on track, you must earn your laughs.
Rule nombre uno: sometimes just press cancel
because, we all know, how grind mode
can sometimes seem desperate we all agree
if you're trying too much, you jokes will be rough.
Number two: make sure that your comment is new.
If someone beat you just redact or retract it.
We all [sigh] at that shit. (uh-huh)
We believe you're pissed but the fact is you're not that quick.
Number three: never troll no-bo-dy
Ninjas will clean that shit up, they don't need backup.
You need to pass up, shit, or be gassed up
you'll be back in pink status, cause you were just dumb.
Number four: know you heard this before
Meta don't fly, please don't even try.
Number five: always aim for laughs, simple as that
No one cares 'bout corrections found, fuck your pound
Number six: let your typo slip? Just edit
You think that no one will see that? Shit, believe it.
Seven: this rule is so underrated
Keep your work friends and Deadspin completely separated
Comments and work don't mix and one snitch or some bitch
Find yourself in serious shit
Number eight: replies are not about you
If you're not leaving plus ones, then think twice, dude.
Number nine shoulda been number one to me
If you ain't bein' funny it's okay to just read (uh-huh)
If baloggas think you whiffin', don't bother glisten'
Starville ain't open admittance, you'll lose your pass real quick
Number ten: try to know 'bout Deadspin's past
Know who's the veterans, and the freshmen
If you don't get that one guys joke, ya must know
That the ones are cause it's funny, just let it go
Follow these rules you'll have new friends to make, ugh
If not, DUAN with your peers, they won't make ya
Chug if ya drink though, watch your friends go up
the hearts are not what make ya, just cause laughs
Your girl said you can stay up,
Her outlook is that way she won't have to make love
Heard she tolerates this, and can hook a steak up
Gotta go gotta go, more laughs to make up, word up, uhh
Balog king, Frank Baloggard, Uhh
One two three four five six seven eight nine. Ten
Brilliant.
DeleteThat's amazing. I think the ninjas should just link to that from now on when correcting those out of line.
Delete98 % of these "raps" are 47% retarded. This is actually really excellent. Kudos.
DeleteGreat stuff. You're way better than that Kenny Baloggins cat.
Delete