The Balog: A Total Moron Liveblogs the State of The Union (updated regularly)

6:35: Woah, this already started? I didn't even hear the National Anthem.

6:36: Why do the call it the State of the Union? Is it the States or the Union? Make up your mind, Obama. You can't have it both ways.

6:37: It's touching that Obama is dedicating the part of his speech on jobs to their inventor, Steve Jobs. His wife is cute.

6:38: Do we really need oil that badly? I say time for a new Manhattan Project to find us another resource in which to deep fry our Twinkies.

6:43: Only a 100 year supply of natural gas?! They've never eaten Thanksgiving at my uncle's house!!1!

6:45: What is going on with the audio in the room? It seems like the people on the right side can't even hear him. They're just sitting there silently.

6:46: Babe Alert!

6:47: False alarm. Hillary is just wearing a tiara or something.

6:48: Ohmigod, that last dude looked like a goddamned Bond villain!

6:50: Biden is asleep!!! Biden is asleep!!!

6:51: Hey, it's the dude from Trading Places! How did he get in? I bet he has some sweet pranks planned.

6:53: I like Eric Holder. That's a sweet 'stache he's sporting. Plus, I have tremendous respect for our entire military, especially someone who's worked his way up to general. Thank you for your service.

6:57: This sucks. I want to watch funny dog videos!

7:01: Total bullshit. That first one wasn't even a dog.

7:02: Obama calling for people to lower the temperature in Washington. What about the rest of the planet? They call it global warming for a reason, you pompous jerk.

7:03: Obama calling for an end of the war with the Afghans. That's my problem with these Democrats. We never should have gone to work with blankets in the first place. They're soft and they keep us warm.

7:07: More funny dogs!