Thursday, November 14, 2013

Hate Therapy? No, Hate Therapy



It seems to this causal observer that there is a high level of frustration bouncing around The Internet lately. The causes seem myriad - changing of the clocks, early Christmas displays, racist white guys saying "lynch mob," a beloved weblog comment section being unceremoniously plowed into the hard, unforgiving earth by an unforgiving meteorite of piping hot dog shit, Red Sox winning the World series -  the list goes on.

One of my mom's live-in boyfriends (Steve? Maybe Lance. No, it was Steve. Pretty sure.) gave me some solid advice once. "You only hafta tell her you're gonna pull out, you don't actually hafta do it." He also said "bad feelings, like tiny ships, belong crammed into bottles." You know, Steve was kinda weird. But he did have a Trans Am.

So, for today only, let's honor Lance Steve and consider this post our feelings bottle. Fill it to the brim. Be a Guy Who doesn't hold back. Get it out of your system and into this system of electrons and wires. Continue to make shitty metaphors until you punch yourself in the sack. As Enya once said: Hate away, hate away, hate away.

Remember, only through hate can you find joy.


69 comments:

  1. Guy Who Deep Down Is A Really Nice Guy But Just Has A Bad Habit Of Finding It Really Funny When He Annoys His Friends And Doesn’t Really Know When To Stop But He’s Working On All Of That He PromisesNovember 14, 2013 at 8:51 AM

    Shit, I didn't mean to log in as Raysism. Let me try this again.

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  2. If all that comes out of this is CJ and Skeevy tearing each other's throat out for the fifteenth time, it will be 20 times better than anything on Deadspin today.

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    1. You THINK you're happy, but you were prominently mentioned by name in my post (the one that was written last night, I mean).

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    2. Marv, let's get that post up pronto.

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  3. The alley I woke up in this morning smelled like tacos, which got me thinking about burritos.

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  4. Wow what a lot of action here! Sure am glad I wrote this post. What a great idea.

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  5. Um, how do I "rec" comments?

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  6. Hey everyone, check out the post I wrote above, today. Randomly.

    Also check out this comment because there is no way I'll delete it a bunch of times or anything.

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  7. Replies
    1. I can only keep so many blogs alive with my comments.

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  8. Was this open discussion supposed to serve a purpose in terms of our collective feelings of the current state of comments on Deadspin or are we just going to do the "Guy Who..." thing?

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    1. Comments suck now. We all know it. What more is there to say?

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  9. Guy Who Thought This Was What Sidespin Was ForNovember 14, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    Isn't this what sidespin was for?

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    Replies
    1. Don't overthink it. Just let it come to us.

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  10. Boy that Heading For The Exits thing really worked out, huh?

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    Replies
    1. Like Exeter said, SIDS is a horrible thing.

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  11. Ok, since no of you other idiots has the guts to do it: here's a post from yesterday wherein I engaged that asswipe Euripedes. Enjoy?

    http://deadspin.com/i-honestly-thought-it-was-spelled-milk-toast-or-someth-1463916301

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    1. Ok so that link was screwy. It looks like some of the comments got deleted. Let's try again.

      http://deadspin.com/ok-heres-my-answer-i-do-like-it-here-its-just-that-y-1464130378

      Jesus this open thread was a terrible idea. Thanks for nothing, Marv.

      Delete
    2. Why is that not what you say it is? Is that not you, Echo?

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    3. I'll check this out later. Right now I'm busy debating the merits of "taxation without representation" with some fellow mouth breathers.

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    4. The first link doesn't work, Ray. I think the thread's been moderated.

      Marmol, if you find yourself slipping in the argument, don't forget to bring out the Big Guns: FAGG! or GO SUCK A DIK or I WAS BEING SARCASTI YOU IDIOTS

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    5. OK, now I see.

      There's obviously a kernel of truth in what he says, because we -- the collective "we" -- do suck right now. As I've said before many times, if the entire gang were commenting on a semi-regular basis, the idiots that we see now would be pushed way down, and it would be less of a shithole. A few months ago, it just took a few of us to accomplish this. But the mean high water line of the shithole is rising, and now it would take all of us (yes, you too, EMS, Gamboa, et. al.) to make a serious concerted effort to keep the place from flooding out with the Euripedes and Finns of the world. It's just getting too hard to put the sandbags out -- harder even than keeping this metaphor going.

      Also, let's be honest -- no one truly funny has come aboard since Exeter, and that was a year ago. We used to have single months where we'd pick up a Sgt. H, BBAM, whomever, and now we've gone a full year without adding someone to the A list.

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    6. RubdirtinittakealapNovember 14, 2013 at 1:42 PM

      Fully realizing I'm part of the problem, I think you're being too hard on some of the new decently funny commenters. Exeter is an outlier, and at this point is certainly a contender for COTY, but there are several guys who are getting better. Milo mindbender, FF5, maloik, andrew daisuke, theNeuralfan, pleather_face, MJWMV. Even that Steve_U guy seems pretty funny. IF all the old guard commented on a regular basis, the worst of the jokes would be from these new guys, and the crap on there now wouldn't be there at all. Also, I would love to see you guys have rotating one-week comment_ninja privelages.

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    7. I think you're largely right about the rising level of shit, which I think may explain why we haven't seen a "standout" like Doug (in quotes because: Really, we need to feed Exeter's ego?)

      Certainly, there have been posters who have come aboard that have made me laugh. Pskellen and dope immediately jump to mind.

      I don't read the comments as much anymore because of what the commenting section looks like. The fact that any given post had some great comments from a large number of outstanding commenters certainly encouraged me to step up my game, which ultimately led to my peak level of acceptable mediocrity. Without lots of other funny comments, and the attendant recognition when making a good joke, I probably wouldn't have bothered trying to improve.

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    8. Guy Who Has An Opinion About The CommentsNovember 14, 2013 at 1:50 PM

      Agreed. That Steve_U guy is ok.

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    9. Welp, now my feelings are hurt. :(

      But seriously, I think you're on to something. I want to qualify it though by saying that, while I'm sure that some of the newer posters (not necessarily myself) are talented, they didn't have any sort of "apprenticeship" that the old system had built in. Their apprenticeship was instead on sites like ESPN, or Yahoo, where the sort of antisocial behavior that doesn’t belong on Deadspin is actively encouraged. They’re (we’re, I guess) effectively trained for one style of commenting, and then asked to do something that’s pretty different stylistically.

      It sounds like it should be an easy thing to figure out intuitively, but from experience, it’s really not. For instance, I got approved WAY before I knew what the fuck I was doing on there. I thought I knew what I was doing, but as time goes on, I still find myself fucking up on there all sorts of times. I have less confidence in myself knowing how things go on there now than I had in June or July. And if I do fuck up, not only do I not have a sort of protracted learning period to draw on like you guys, I don't get called out by anyone and told why what I’m doing is stupid. So it’s up to me to determine after the fact whether or not, for instance, my fighting with Arsenal fans on there is acceptable behavior, or whether it’s an online pissing match no one else cares about. Of course it’s the latter, but I’d prefer to be told about it in media res as opposed to only being embarrassed about it after the fact.

      Every regular I’ve interacted with has been cool to me, so I can’t say that I’ve been victimized by any sort of “closed shop” mentality that Euripides was complaining about. But when I started posting (and to this day, I guess), I was intimidated as hell by you guys. You were smarter, funnier, and more mature than I was (not to mention that I, like a lot of the other burners, am a lot younger than you guys), and based on the quality of the grey comments, I certainly can’t be the only person on there who can say this honestly. As a result, I try too hard, I’m too defensive with other commenters, etc; in short, I’m reacting to being put in a position where I feel as if I have to compete with you guys on a level which I’m just not able to, and I find myself contributing to Deadspin’s problems as a result. In the old system? I wouldn't be starred, so I wouldn't feel that same pressure.

      I guess my point is that, while I don’t disagree that there’s a dearth of new, knock-your-socks-off talent recently, it has just as much to do with the system as it does with the crappy commenters. Window lickers aside, the potential good commenters are getting no support in their development (because this really doesn’t come naturally to anyone but a select few), and are really screwed in their growth as a commenter as a result. New talent might energize the place, but only if the regular commenters are there too, and are guiding them along. I know that’s a lot to ask of you guys, though.

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    10. Rubdirt - Maloik has been around forever. Also, some of the names you've mentioned are painfully unfunny.

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    11. Guess what I'm wearing...

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  12. Sure, garden, was then opened up to any idiot with a keyboard and a 3rd grade sense of humor, and the tools (comment ninja) were thrown out.

    More like the tools were LET IN, eh eh eh??!?!

    /waits for recs to pour in

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  13. Look, I appreciate the mention above, Ray. I really do.

    But it's just...gone for me. I don't get involved in a lot of bitching about it, because what's the point, but I really hate Kinja that much. Yes, it's largely the elimination of the approval process and Ninja Squad keeping people on their toes, but it's also just...Kinja! The layout itself. The threading, the insane amount of clicking required, the lack of chronological order, really all the things some of us knew we wouldn't like from the jump.

    Many seem to have come around on it, and that's great. Personally, I haven't. Which, after this much time, means I won't. Aside from what I attempted to describe, there is just something I can't quite articulate about the Pavlovian effect it has on me to NOT be inspired to make an attempt. Except, of course, in that Backstreet karate dude story, because COME ON! I'm nowhere near foolish or egotistical enough to think that my opinion matters on all this in terms of impacting change, just explaining my piece.

    Toodles,

    GC

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    1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmUP1gp6cTs

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  14. Holy shit am I long-winded. Sorry for the block of text, everyone.

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  15. This is half a reply to Milo/rubdirt and half a new topic, so I’ll just put it down here.

    I have no doubt that many of the newer commenters have some talent, and that talent is something that would have been more fully developed under the old commenting system. They seem funny enough, in a mild chuckle kind of way.

    So I guess my real complaint about the past twelve months of commenting is that no one has stepped up and taken the humor in a different direction. Part of what made 2010 to 2012 so fun was seeing how new people stepped up with styles that were anywhere from slightly to very different from the older group. I’ll never forget Mantis’s first month – he just took jokes in a slightly different direction. And there’s still no one with Uwe’s voice, or Gamboa’s switchblade of a one-liner.

    Where is the new style? There’s a whole new commenting system – it seems like someone should step up with a way of making it funny, rather than trying to be a copy-of-a-copy-of-Doug Exeter. Shit, now that I think of it, the most original commenter of 2013 may be BlessedToComment, and only because I used the shit commenting system to make jokes we couldn’t make before. It seems like some of you newer folks could be funny in a way that we haven’t seen before.

    Or maybe not. Maybe we’ve told all the jokes to tell.

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  16. One thing lost in all this debate is that UweBollocks is a pretty funny and smart and good looking commenter.

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    Replies
    1. It's not lost. In fact, that's all I think about when I mass debate!!1!1

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  17. I think a lot of that has to do with the rec system that we have. It makes people appeal to the lowest common denominator, so it means you have a bunch of new people who are focused on getting the pithiest one-liner out there because that's what gets rewarded. New commenters seem to all have a sort of "populist" style. It's short, typically mean, and usually requires only a basic knowledge of the subject or sport in question: in other words, jokes that everyone is capable of getting. It's a weak style on its own (most of the time), but when it drowns out more creative and original commenters, its a cancer.

    I guess new commenters just need to stop playing to the crowd so much. A voice is an acquired thing, but it's tough when the entire thing that got you approved in the first place involves a sort of training in producing a certain type of comment. Developing a voice while already an approved commenter is much tougher than developing it while not being approved, if nothing else because there's less people telling you you suck in the latter situation. That's not to say that it's impossible; it just means people like me need to pay less attention to the feedback we're bombarded with, positive or negative.Or at least parse it better.

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    1. I swear this was a reply to Raysism when I originally typed it. Dummy.

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    2. The reply system here is like the LSAT. (I'm perfect at both.)

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  18. Winning COTY of 2013 is like winning gold at the Special Olympics.

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    1. This would get like 100+ recs on Kinja(!)

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    2. If only the comment section was capable of a 180 too...

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    3. Okay, I'm too stupid for this. I'm quitting now.

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  19. I know you've all been waiting so here it is. The place died, is dead and ain't coming back. Many of you tried to hang on and pretend it could still be great..."You can dismiss the shitty comments!" "They're stuck in the grey!" (Note- I was allowed out of the grey for a day, then demoted again, because apparently I'm worse than youtube commenters, ok!) "We can still have our fun!"

    No. Many tried, all failed. When innocuous jokes were met with "shut up you dumb cunt" because a girl wrote them, or "fuck you man!" became a common response, there was no going back. Despite Craggs last night saying it will again find its equilibrium, I don't see how that would be remotely possible without going back to an audition/ninja system to drive away the idiots. It was a good run, but it is over.

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    1. Oh, man. Phin's allowed to comment here? Y'all have some really low standards on this balog...

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    2. Can I see your ID to make sure it's really you?

      o_O

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  20. Also, with the emergence of Regressing and The Stacks, what does that say about all the Grantland bashing?

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  21. Universal Enveloping AlgebraNovember 14, 2013 at 6:25 PM

    The elimination of the star system is what killed Deadspin comments as we knew them.

    You got a star on Deadspin by being funny, except that's not the whole truth. You had to be funny, and you had to be consistently funny, and you had to be really committed to the idea of "being funny" as a barrier to entry. It was better to comment on half the posts and be funny all the time than to comment on all the posts, be funny in half of them, and be serious (but "good") in the other half. One of the very first comments I ever made on Deadspin was a question in DUAN: I asked, essentially, why that made any sense. Why ONLY funny? Why not serious, too? Several people responded, including the comment ninja (RIP), who told me the truth: This is the way to keep the comment section from sucking. Too much other shit and the place starts to lose its voice.

    I don't think I really understood that, at the time. I could IMPROVE its voice! Just by being the unique and super-intelligent handsome guy that I am, I could make intelligent contributions to the discussion. Why wouldn't you guys want that?

    But really, of course, the question was: Why would you guys want that?

    The Deadspin comment section wasn't a place where a bunch of bros got together and told dick jokes and shunned anyone who wasn't on "the team" like a bunch of stereotypical jocks. It wasn't a place where people could just effortlessly be themselves. You had to perform, in a very literal sense - you had to work way too fuckin' hard to entertain a bunch of people you'll never meet in real life, and you had to be WILLING to do that - this seemed to be enough to get you from pink to grey - and, finally, you had to get good at it. You got your star when you were capable of entertaining the crowd, because that was the entire fucking point of the crowd's existence.

    The Deadspin comment section was a place for jokes. It was not a place for not-jokes. It was that simple, and if you were willing to play by that rule, you were given a voice. If you weren't willing to try to be funny - well, why are you here? Why do your stupid, worthless opinions about sports have to show up on Deadspin?

    The star system went away, and with it went the only means of enforcing the rules. Then people's stupid opinions starting showing up everywhere and the comment system acquired the one property that makes every other comment system unreadable: Some fucking idiot asshole can post his horrible racist rant or whatever and just ruin your day. It's precisely why I, at least, avoid literally every other comment section on the internet. Why put yourself through that?

    Anyway. This is the comment that got me my star. Let's all post ours and remember the good times like a bunch of nerds.

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    1. I'm amazed at how many people kept comments.
      Anywho, that link had LandyCakeBoss. Apparently he was ahead of his time.

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    2. Goddamn UEA, that is fantastic. That is a nearly flawless description of the ethos of the comment section, and a great analysis of the gatekeeping and how it worked to enforce certain behavior. You nailed it. +1

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  22. Well Euripedes was banned. He replied to me from another account in some random thread. For those who are interested:

    http://deadspin.com/hey-man-apparently-all-evidence-of-my-ever-being-here-1464786104

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    1. They're banning people now? Why? That's like trying to empty a lake with a bucket, no?

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    2. Your response to him was perzactly right. You starred folks, flip, even the merely approved ones, made an investment in time and effort. Now, neither one is required. And people don't tend to value something in which they have no investment. Which leads to the twits wandering all over the place, piddling on comments with no real purpose other than to say, "Look at me!"

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    3. Guy Who Wants You To Look At HimNovember 15, 2013 at 9:50 AM

      HI ERG!

      Delete
  23. Alright, kids, gather 'round and Uncle Bev will tell you a story...

    There once was a unicorn named Deadspin. He was a glorious creature, and everyone who wasn't a humorless idiot or a no-talent hack loved him and played with him all the time. This made everyone happy, especially Deadspin. But then, one day, Deadspin got the terrible idea that he should cut off his horn so that he could be more like all the other horses because more people played with the other horses, and, hey, who doesn't like horses, amirite? Unfortunately for him, and all those who really cared for him, Deadspin realized too late that it was his differences which made people love him more than the normal horses, and, without those differences, he had nothing to offer that people hadn't already seen. Now Deadspin is just another horse surrounded by horseshit, and it's only a matter of time before he dies and is thrown to the dogs in pellet form.

    The End.

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    1. Guy Who Thinks Bev Is Enjoying Watching Deadspin Fail Because It Means He Will Never Have To Hand Over The COTY Trophy To The Next Guy Who Obviously Deserved It Now Give Me My Goddam TrophyNovember 15, 2013 at 6:58 AM

      Nailed it.

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  24. Guy Who Thinks Everything Is FunnyNovember 15, 2013 at 7:01 AM

    Heh

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    1. Guy Who Replied To The Wrong Thread Because It Is Friday Night And He Is DrunkNovember 15, 2013 at 7:06 AM

      Goddamnit

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