Tuesday, September 18, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 8 (September 18, 2012)

It was a wise choice to present these in no particular order, because I am reminded daily that ranking them would be an impossible task. Every time I think I've reached the peak of HATE, the next day's choice makes me reconsider. What's that old cliche, "It's like asking me which one of my kids was the biggest mistake" or something? This is that.

If I had to describe today's toxic load that "slipped past the goalie" in a single word, it would be "grating." The horrendous staccato singing and incredibly obnoxious, pulsating beat put the second M in MKMOT. During the heyday of this craptastic composition, it was damn near inescapable, which is hard to believe since I never once took the spin class full of assholes for which I can vividly imagine it providing the backdrop. These guys have certainly put out their share of garbage over the years, but nothing remotely near as offensive as this. One of my Tenets of HATE is that soft shitty music > headthrob-inducing shitty music, and this epitomizes the latter. 

Grab the ibuprofen before pushing play. More like Pillbox 20, amirite??? Push in the sides... Now twist... There you go. It's open.




63 comments:

  1. The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, U2, Pink Floyd. What do they all have in common?

    Answer: At the peak of their musical brilliance none of these legendary bands were capable of creating something of this magnitude. No, only one group had the talent, internal dynamics, vision and unmatched creativity to assemble something so monumental that it was selected to be used as the official soundtrack for all of America's greatest historical moments. Simply press play and let the melody rush through your body with the intensity and sheer ecstasy of the first orgasm you experienced as a 12-year-old adolescent from behind a locked bathroom door with your family eagerly waiting outside for you to finish so they could get ready for work as you tore through the pages of your father's Playboy only to climax as you arrived at the page with the jokes on it. There is plenty that can be said about the importance of this song, however I think YouTube commenter and respected online music critic TheAlienAssassin said it best, "That's the point of the song you retard. The world is going to shit so we need to look back and see how far we've come regardless of our fuck ups and to strive forward cause nothing is forever." I'd say we've come pretty far.

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    1. strive forward cause nothing is forever

      That's Emerson, right? Love me some Ralph Waldo.

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  2. I think I've heard that song a couple of times, but I don't find it offensive. I get the sense that Matchbox 20 knows where they fall on the rock/pop spectrum, so they've never really bothered me.

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    1. Agreed. I don't mind Matchbox 20 much because it seems like they know exactly where they stand. (Sorry for the poor video quality.)

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    2. Rob Thomas--from what I've seen in interviews--seems like a funny, likable guy. Doesn't change the fact that his music is absolute shit.

      See also: Dave Matthews

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    3. I disagree with you on the Dave Matthews assessment. It may not be your cup of tea, and I'm not a big fan of his by any means, but it seems like a stretch to say that all of his music is absolute shit. Sure, there are some pretty bad songs in the mix, but I'd argue that he has some pretty good ones in there too.

      As for Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20, they're much harder to defend. A lot of their songs are awful, but they've got a few that fit right in as mid-90s mainstream rock songs that aren't completely terrible.

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    4. Yeah, Rob Thomas/MB20 falls into that (very deep) category of artists who don't really offend me, but don't make music that is very interesting or original (to me, anyway). My two-variable chart for today’s pop artists would look something like this:

      Interesting music/Generally positive feelings: Radiohead, Kanye West

      Interesting music/Generally negative feelings: Green Day, John Mayer

      Uninteresting music/Generally positive feelings: Matchbox 20, Katy Perry

      Uninteresting music/Generally negative feelings: Nickelback, all country music

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    5. You're supposed to be talking about running and stuff.

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    6. Team Raysism*! Self-awanus goes a long way in my book**.

      *Not about Green Day, since they're about a decade and a half-- and that's being kind-- into my "Uninteresting" bin, and about half that in the "Generally Negative" side

      **And by "my book," of course, I mean an autographed, niacin-enriched copy of Dianetics.

      Delete
  3. The first nineteen matchboxes were no picnic either.

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    1. I really really enjoyed this for some reason

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  4. Two days in a row, two songs I've never heard before, so no shitty tune stuck in my head all day! Everything's coming up Echo!

    /goes to buy lotto ticket
    //is mauled by runaway circus bear

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  5. Skeevy wants me to talk about running and stuff. Since today is not an especially busy day for me, feel free to post any running questions below, and I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.

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    1. Does singing Matchbox 20 while you run have any impact on your overall endurance? Or is any negative effect neutralized by the euphoric mix of adrenaline and sheer giddiness?

      Thank you for your time.

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    2. This thought's been running around in my head: what do you think making love to John Mayer is like? I'm asking for a friend, to whom I'm very happily/satisfactorily married.

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    3. @Marv: Any kind of singing while you run is going to affect your ability to breathe, and thus your aerobic intake. Some light talking is theoretically possible up to speeds approaching VO2max, but usually you don't want to do anything other than breathe once you get near half marathon pace.

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    4. @StF: Six seconds of pure anaerobic bliss.

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    5. Do you run along Bayshore Blvd? From my brief time in Tampa, that seemed like it contained a high volume of incredibly attractive women that could watch you while you blow by them at a near world-record pace.

      But seriously though, is it just me or do the Asics Kayano 18s provide less support than previous generations? I overpronate quite a bit, and for the first time ever, I've had to get a separate insole along with the Kayanos in order to get enough support. I had some GTs a few years ago that I liked, but for the last couple years I've developed somewhat of a loyalty to the Kayanos. Do the GTs offer more support? Should I just switch back to those instead? Help Ray, help!

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    6. @Sgt. H: I will often run on the Bayshore ("The World's Longest Continuous Sidewalk!"), but only during the cooler months since there's no shade at any point on the run. And yes, the girls there are ridiculously hot.

      I used to wear the Kayanos, but they were too bulky for me so I went back to the GT 2100 series. The Kayano and GT should provide equal support (they're on the same basic frame), but the Kayano has more forefoot cushioning and is generally built for more mileage. I think that most every model of shoe is becoming less supportive as a result of the barefoot/minimalist movement, so I suspect that you will encounter this problem with any shoe you switch to.

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    7. To piggyback Hammerclaw's point, what's your opinion of the popularity of all of these minimalist running shoes?

      Personally, I have a pretty common slight overpronation, as does much of the population and I've been loyal to the Pegasus since high school (though the models from the 90's differ slightly from the newer ones. Because of this slight overpronation, I dont require additional medial support, so you won't see me trudging about in a pair of Brooks Beasts or the like.

      I also own a pair of the Nike free run's that probably have as much support as my racing flats, that I wear to the gym and will occasionally bang out 5 miles before my workout on the treadmill.

      Raysism, is it your opinion the Nike has cornered the market for casual runners who are more interested in the cosmetics than they are in the performance? Surely these minimalist trainers and the intent to correct foot issues by strengthening on demand do not provide a large portion of the population with necessary support. Good luck asking the kids at the Nike Running Store for a gate analysis when 75% of there shoes lack enough medial support to walk from the living room to the kitchen.

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    8. @cobra: I definitely think that the minimalist movement is out of hand, and that these shoes are definitely being sold to people (including a lot of beginners) who need a different shoe. Given that we all walk around shod in the 21st century, I think that 90% of the population should be in well-made, supportive neutral shoes or slightly supportive shoes.

      That being said, I don’t think that Nike has cornered the market on casual runners looking for cosmetics (go look at the modern Asics and Brooks – very trendy looking, and well-selling), and I don’t think that the minimalist shoe is a big part of their sales. Most people who want a “cool” looking Nike will buy the Lunarglide, which is actually a pretty decent supportive shoe.

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    9. @Raysism. Good response. If you don't mind, typically, what is your mileage for a week? Judging by your musical tastes and your online presence, I'm going to assume you're in your late 30's. I'm a fit 32 who has been running his entire life, but am finding it easier to mix some cardio with my workout at the gym (treadmill, spinning class when my patella tendi is flaring) after work, than I am getting up at 5:45 to bang-out 6 miles before work?

      How do you do it, and how does your wife live with somebody an ego the size of the panhandle?

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    10. @Raysism: Aw man. I don't want some fad to mess up my shoes. I've been wearing Brooks Glycerins for years to walk on the treadmill, to go to work, for pretty much everything but weddings and funerals. My feet and my bad knees have been happy with the Brooks and that makes me happy. And I'll also pay silly sums of money for good socks to go along with the shoes. I assume I need to talk to the folks at the store the next time I go in, which is about every four months.

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    11. @cobra: My weekly mileage is usually between 45 and 55 miles. And, yes, I'm in my late 30s. Very late.

      I live in Florida, I can't mentally handle any kind of indoor aerobic exercise, and I like having a beer and ice cream in the evening, so that pretty much leaves me with the morning hours to get in my run. I mix it up, though -- on days where I don't need to be in the office so early, I will run after I get the kids ready for school.

      My wife is the complete opposite of me: she's hot, fit, successful, and would never, ever say a positive word about herself outloud. So we match up pretty well.

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    12. @Raysism Cut yourself some slack buddy, you're successful too. Being in the Top Ten of a group of internet commenters now made redundant by the reprobate Nick Denton is surely a cause for celebration.

      Anyways, I'm up in Toronto and we truly get the four seasons here. There were days in July when running in the humidity was an unenviable task, only to be balanced out by running in January in thermal tights and a toque. Plus, I'm single. The gym has been my main source of dates/sexual encounters in the backseat of my Pathfinder for the last year; for me, it has its purpose.

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    13. @ Ray

      Have you considered running off a dock and seeing how far you could get into the Atlantic Ocean? Consider it a dare.

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    14. @Phintastic

      I have never considered this, because I already know the answer: If I ran off a dock, I would not land in the Gulf of Mexico, not the Atlantic Ocean.

      Delete
    15. Not if the dock was over the Atlantic Ocean, duh.

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    16. Wait, where the fuck would you land? I think you fucked that up.

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    17. Yeah, I put an extra "not" in there.

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  6. Today, I saw a commenter named LordHelmet, which made me sigh wistfully for LordComment.

    Then, I read what he wrote, about 15-20% tips being for "exceptional service," and I sighed even more wistfully for the fact that he wasn't next to me so I could plunge a salad fork into his scrotum.

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    1. It never ceases to amaze me how many of my fellow Americans seem to operate on the exact inverse of "When in Rome," even when in our own country. Like, "Hey, this custom/common practice in this particular arena of public life? That sounds fishy to me, a person with little-to-no-experience in/knowledge of this particular arena. Instead of asking questions about it, I'm going to assume it's wrong, and that the other party is being lazy."

      That service charge, guys? It's for service. If you liked your server a little more, you go above the 15% baseline; if you don't like 'em so much-- and they weren't overtly rude/awful to you-- well, you've still got to pay said service charge. You don't like it? YOU TAKE OUT, OR STAY HOME AND COOK.

      Delete
    2. More like IgnoredHelmet, amirite???

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    3. I wish TX911 knew about MKMUB so he could come discuss these important issues, since it's obvious making a joke would kill him.

      Anyway boys, I agree, but would point out that the 15% rule ceases to be useful at especially high class or, um, especially low class joints. Why should Gladys at the local greasy spoon get $3.50 because I ordered a black coffee instead of the Chateauneuf du Pape? Makes no sense.

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    4. Man, I have had this heated conversation so many times. I have actually worked with people who were almost apologetic for bad tippers. "Maybe they can't afford it." I can't believe I even have to explain to them that it's PART OF THE TRANSACTION, so therefore they "can't afford" to go out and should eat/drink at home, like StF said.

      My baseline on tab-based transactions is 20%, per round depends on a variety of factors but is at least a dollar per drink. And I am not rich. You'd have to flat out personally insult me to get less. Because I'm personally insulting you by telling you I think you're worth $2.65/hr otherwise.

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    5. @Bronzie The 15% gratuity on a $180 bottle of Duckhorn Migration seems like a waste of money to many, but it is one instance where the waiter is paid for simply corking a bottle. It all evens itself out for the other times when a walk-in of 8 Germans leave zero on $200 and need the menu translated from English to a strain of Saxony-inspired jargon.

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    6. Gladys gets what Gladys gets because the food they're slinging requires less-careful handling (you're not JUST paying the waiter/waitress when you pay service-- you're paying the staff). Again, if you like the service/enjoyed your experience more than you do usually, you're free to drop a fiver or sawbuck on Gladys, even if you both aren't living in 1950.

      I'm a 20% baseliner myself, but I'm willing to revise both upward (and, frankly, downward).

      Delete
    7. @BronzeHammer

      TX911 is horrible. God awful. His presence is exactly what I was afraid of happening when we first heard about the star system going away.

      @Everyone Else

      In almost any restaurant or bar setting, my tipping policy is 20%, with the change rounded up to the next dollar. It makes the math substantially easier than actually calculating an exact 20%, and even if the service is poor I still tip the same, because I usually find myself feeling bad for the waitstaff at that point. Odds are, whatever is causing the problem isn't directly their fault - whether they're overworked, or the kitchen is taking too long - so it doesn't feel right to take my frustrations out on them.

      Also, I wouldn't want people I'm with thinking that I'm a bad tipper. That seems like the kind of thing that will stick with you.

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    8. [looks around Kinja]

      I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes.

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    9. As a neoclassic economist, I typically just provide enough tip to get the worker back up to his or her marginal revenue product of labor.

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    10. Me: Ready for your tip?

      [waiter smiles]

      Me: Never spit into the wind!

      [waiter frowns]

      Me: Just kidding. Here’s a $100 bill.

      [waiter smiles]

      Me: Now get me five $20s.

      [waiter frowns]

      Me: And keep one of those $20s.

      [waiter smiles]

      Me: And get me four $5s.

      [waiter frowns]

      Me: But definitely keep one of those $5s.

      [waiter half-smiles]

      Me: Because I need you to get me five ones.

      [waiter frowns]

      Me: And then together we’re going to Mons Venus.

      [waiter smiles; cums]

      Delete
    11. @Ray

      +1

      @StF

      With respect, the idea that a single waiter making sure not to goose the souffle is more valuable to me as a diner than making sure the coffee is topped off and the bacon is still sizzling when it reaches my ears is a little silly. It's especially silly that the increase in service quality unilaterally increases with the price of the meal. Better food, or for instance, a few glasses of wine instead of Coke doesn't magically make the service better. Granted, fancy restaurants will employ a whole army of servants to restock your bread, pour your water, and make pairing recommendations; but who's to say those extra assistants share in the tips? I certainly have no idea. And of course I can always tip more, but I'm just saying: the rule has limits.

      Of course, I still do abide by the rule more often than not, because I'm not an ape.

      Delete
    12. My burning question for the esteemed panel is, do you back the tax out of the total before you figure the tip?

      I'll hang up and listen.

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    13. Not me, man. Not even worth the hassle or the likely lack of understanding from the server for such marginal savings. I won't get too fired up over those who do it, however.

      Delete
    14. @Gamboa

      It happens that I agree. Still, there's an arguement everytime the check comes.

      Delete
  7. @Ray

    +1

    @BH

    I agree that TX911 is insufferable, but after being inexplicably funny, his (better) joke was pretty egregiously lifted by Pornstars-for-Wilbon in the Cubs PR post. That bothered me, and I wanted to point it out.

    @all

    Thanks for the hard work you still put into the place. It's valued.

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  8. Now, more than ever, we needed this boxer to be chopped up into little pieces and stuffed in a freezer.

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  9. So the Gladwell comment was interesting in its own right, but it also led to this twitter post by Leitch.

    My interpretation is that the editorial tools behind Kinja let them assign star ratings to commenters. I'm comfortable with my one star status, but I would love to know if TX911 is 4 or 5 stars....

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    1. "The gamification of commenters was a mistake."

      - A Big Fatheaded Knob, 2012

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    2. I definitely have 3 stars, unless that STUPID FUCKING BOOMERANG BIRD is involved in the rankings, in which case I have 1 star.

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    3. It's funny that Leitch has already deleted the tweet, but I saw it too.

      You would think that allowing commenters to know their star ratings would result in higher quality comments as they try to improve their rankings, but that's only because that system already worked once.

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    4. Guy Who Missed It And Is Curious And Is UweSeptember 18, 2012 at 11:48 PM

      What did it say?

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    5. Mantis Toboggan, M.D.September 18, 2012 at 11:56 PM

      Here ya go, brotha.

      Delete
    6. @Uwe

      It said something along the lines of "I can't believe his account has 5 stars and I only have 4. Hamm better not have more than 2." Burke responded with some banter about number of stars as well, then everything got deleted - apparently they opened the curtain too much.

      @Mantis

      et tu, Doc?

      Delete
    7. Mantis Toboggan, M.D.September 19, 2012 at 11:47 AM

      @Dubai

      Should have clarified, that link was intended for Uwe, not you.

      /light bulb appears above head
      //googles "what is abbott and costello's phone number"

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