Friday, February 17, 2012

MKM Blog Open Thread (Feb. 17, 2012)

Welcome to your MKM Blog open thread for February 17, 2012, the day you woke up hungover in a pool of your own vomit and it was okay because you finally had the epiphany that it doesn't matter that the guy you want to impress more than anyone in the world maybe doesn't approve of everything you do because he's just some prissy Broadway-loving prima donna who probably drives a Volvo SUV, drinks Fresca by the case, and subscribes to like a dozen different bird watching magazines, and who never really got what you're about anyway and ISN'T EVEN YOUR REAL FATHER!  


I am so sorry, please forgive me...you know I love you, Fresca. 

Morning, everyone.  So, I thought yesterday was great.  Lots of lively conversation, and as Echo said, I actually think everyone kept it reasonably civil and thoughtful given that we were all fighting about whose friends made the better O AN HE SEXY jokes (since you brought it up, here is the only correct answer).

Anyway, chat it up.  Have fun.  Enjoy the fact that what you're saying is genuinely upsetting some people who probably met their third wife on ChristianMingle.com.   I'm out of town this weekend, so expect sporadic, typo-ridden, iPhone posting.  As if you'll ever notice.

Here's a Youtube clip to get you started, you magnificent little bastards.




79 comments:

  1. It's Pre Madonna, you moran.

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  2. Don't worry IMG, I'm sure the guy you're really hoping to impress thinks you're phantastic.

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  3. Great video choice! How come no one ever comments on these videos that you carefully selected?

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    Replies
    1. God I loved that show. Great choice, IMG.

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  4. Being relatively newish, can I ask where "O AN HE SEXY" even came from? I'm sure one of you obsessive freaks has every single reference to it bookmarked somewhere and can give me a pretty in depth rundown.

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    1. http://deadspin.com/347143/rejected-commenter-theater-episode-two

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    2. Attorney for Lionel OsbourneFebruary 17, 2012 at 12:53 PM

      http://deadspin.com/347143/rejected-commenter-theater-episode-two

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    3. Attorney for Lionel OsbourneFebruary 17, 2012 at 12:54 PM

      [sues UweBollocks]

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    4. Thanks guys. I guess the massive all caps hyperlink to that, which I included in the post was a little tricky for SSE to find. Must have been reading with his bad eye.

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    5. Attorney for Lionel OsbourneFebruary 17, 2012 at 12:57 PM

      [sues IMG]

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    6. William K. Metz, Esq.February 17, 2012 at 12:58 PM

      SSE, since no one seems willing to help, and IMG never gave you the link in the lead in, here is where you need to go:

      http://deadspin.com/347143/rejected-commenter-theater-episode-two

      Delete
    7. Whoa. I dumb. I didn't know that was the "first." I guess. This is why I don't internet anymore.

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    8. Attorney for Lionel OsbourneFebruary 17, 2012 at 1:02 PM

      [sleeps with Mrs. William K. Metz, Esq.]

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  5. Raysism: Great commenter or greatest commenter?

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    1. The greatest.

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    2. The greatest.

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    3. The greatest.

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    4. Not Hatey, Thank GodFebruary 17, 2012 at 1:02 PM

      The greatest.

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    5. Not Hume (20% Hit Rate)February 17, 2012 at 1:03 PM

      The greatest.

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    6. Not The Attorney for Lionel Osbourne (90% Hit Rate)February 17, 2012 at 1:04 PM

      The greatest.

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    7. Raysism (~90% Hit Rate) The greatest.

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    8. Guys, it's ~[Hit Rate]%! You have to account for the +/-2% Hit Rate margin of error.

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    9. Raysism (and everyone else in this thread except for Always Winning)February 17, 2012 at 1:07 PM

      Oh, that is so sweet of you!

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  6. I haven't been able to think of a good joke for at least a week. How can I cure this?

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    1. Do The Opposite of ThisFebruary 17, 2012 at 1:06 PM

      http://deadspin.com/people/UweBollocks/

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    2. More like Linspiration!


      Boom! Count it! I finally broke the slump!

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    3. YOU'RE THE OPPOSITE OF THIS!!!

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  7. Hey! I never said anything stupid. Let's forget about that and look at this dude making a terrible reply to a funny joke!

    http://deadspin.com/5886030/dereck-chisora-slapped-vitali-klitschko-at-the-weigh+in-before-tomorrows-title-bout?comment=47105904#comments

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  8. Raise you hand if you deleted at least a dozen awful Hayden Panettiere jokes this morning.

    /raises hand
    //masturbates to Hayden Panettiere

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  9. Universal Enveloping AlgebraFebruary 17, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    There was a lot of negativity yesterday, so I'd like to counteract that by saying that there were a tonne of good jokes in Wake Up Deadspin today.

    I didn't +1 any of them because I keep forgetting that my +1s actually mean something now (inasmuch as +1s can mean anything).

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  10. I feel like this is a place where I can ask this question. Barry was, in fact, making a joke when he wrote "for all intensive purposes" right? RIGHT?

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    1. "intensive purposes" "diamond dozen" "doggy dog world"

      No offense, but how the hell could anyone not get that?

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    2. Jesus. Wow. Because I skim sometimes, and had not carefully read the entire piece. I just went back and re-read. /facepalm

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  11. You guys ever go way back in your history to see what kind of jokes you made back in the day? Yesterday's shitfest in the comments here on MKM (I love that MKM's name is being usurped by this blog) inspired me to go back to the very first comments I was making on DS. I started in early 2009. There were two things that jumped out at me.

    First thing I realized was how many of my early jokes were just references to movie quotes, music, TV, etc. Not good stuff. Lots of regurgitated bullshit.

    Second thing was how off the wall some of the stuff was. Some of the comments I made were long, rambling, and had a tenuous connection to the post on which they were made. But as much as I feel I've tightened up my game, it was interesting to see how much more willing I was to try throwing some weird bullshit against the wall and seeing what stuck. There's definitely a freedom to being an unknown, unstarred entity.

    Posting a long, experimental comment is a risky endeavor. Posting a one-liner and getting no response is common... no big deal. But when you post something that clearly took a while to think up and type out and you get no response, it feels like your dick is just waving out there in the wind. I think that's why this was my favorite comment of last year... http://deadspin.com/5823788/chris-kluwe-responds-can-i-kick-it-yes-i-can?comment=41204190#comments

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    1. TDK, it's funny you say this. Someone who will remain anonymous PM'ed me after I had a decent day of commenting yesterday and asked something to the effect of, “did you just burst on to the scene”. Which is funny for a lot of reasons, most notably because I’ve been commenting off and on here for three years, the first two of which were horrible.

      Like you, I tended to imitate others or reference basic pop culture quotes. My original stuff was decent, I suppose, but it took me several hundred poor-to-mediocre comments to refine my writing to a point where I could even think about a star. I just shudder looking back at some of my comments under my prior handles.

      And, yes, the Kluwe quote is excellent in a way that we too rarely see.

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    2. Bring Back Anthony MasonFebruary 17, 2012 at 2:24 PM

      I looked back, and I'm horrified at how many of my older comments were barely humorous responses to other people's actually funny comments. I'm actually glad the comments only go back to May of 2008 or so, or it would probably be worse.

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    3. I started commenting in late 2010, then stopped in early 2011 before starting up again this year. I recently went back through my comments from 2010 and man are a lot of them horrible.

      That comment really is spectacular.

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    4. Without taking what we do too seriously (dick jokes on a blog), I have to say that there really is a process to writing jokes that develops over time with lots of practice. Reading a short article and making a witty, dumb, offensive, obscure or weird, but most importantly FUNNY, joke may seem like something a fourth-grader can do, but in practice, it's really not easy... takes a good bit of honing to find your own voice, delivery, and style, and lose the crutches of pop references and template jokes.

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    5. Oh man, TDK. I totally forgot that you used to comment as "Armen Tamzarian."

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    6. That was my name before Vietnam.

      BTW - Vietnam is what I call the great starred commenter massacre of the summer of 2009.

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    7. We don't talk about Nam around here. MKM is what we call a draft dodger, in that whenever his friends chip in for a keg, he always makes himself a white wine spritzer.

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    8. Every time I look at those old posts it's with trepidation. Sometime I'll find a comment of mine that I really enjoyed, sometimes I'll be embarrassed.

      Of course, as time goes on, the definition of what is "Deadpsin funny" changes. Obviously, memes and styles run their course and become dated.

      I think that also reflects on the discussions on this "balog" about older commenters. I remember when I first started reading, well before I started commenting, and just [dying] on an everyday basis. Now I re-read the very old posts and hardly get a chuckle. A lot of that humor, which was great at the time, just doesn't hold up.

      Unlike, say, Gallager.

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    9. I just went to find a good example of a horrible comment from one of my prior attempts to make it here, and I stumbled across this nugget from TDK. It's fucking hilarious, but he only got a +1 from the commenter formerly known as cheese_mac and the commenter eventually to be known as Raysism.

      http://deadspin.com/5452223/tiger-woods-sex-rehab-adventure-as-gleaned-from-a-few-brochure-photographs/gallery/1?comment=18527026

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    10. Inspired by yours, I just took a look back... some long stuff, some attempts at mimicry (including a few bouts of mild-to-severe Drewishness), and a lot of attempts at engaging/challenging other commenters. But the connector/leitmotif was definitely oddness-- oblique jokes about Orange Juliuses, wily Persians, nandralone, and Muggsy Bogues getting washed out to sea.

      Makes sense, then, that oddness is what I tend to promote; joke shaping can be taught-- but the spark of weirdness can't, right?

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    11. And that is what is great, having that weirdness or obliqueness inform the comedic voice. A lot of those jokes don't work for 20 +1s, but they add a hell of a lot more to the growth of the comment section. That slight strangeness is what made someone like Stev D so excellent He wasn't some robot cranking out good, but safe play-on-words jokes. Weirdness often implies a perceptiveness that extends a bit beyond that which us normal folks see, and it also denotes a degree of outsider-ness. I think that all truly great and progressive comics, no matter their level of success, (which as Deadspin commenters, we *totally* are) either innately feel, or learn to feel and channel some kind of outsiderness - or else you end up doing meatheadish Dane Cook routines.

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  12. IMG, you backed off that PHD joke? I'm sure Burke would've thought it was funny.

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    1. I tend to redact most of my comments that fail to draw attention in their first 5 minutes. Tim and I have a good rapport, I don't think he would've been offended, but there's always the risk of inspiring copycats who are, shall we say, less tactful.

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    2. Wow, IMG, that's a high bar to set. No wonder your hit rate is so impressive.

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    3. Thanks, BH. I also have a lot of dummy accounts I created solely for the purpose of giving a +1 to my jokes. Like my "BronzeHammer" account.

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    4. +2!!

      I like to think we retain a small amount of autonomy, though.

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    5. Bah. It's more fun to watch them get banned.

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  13. How crazy is this. This guy hadn't commented since October 2009, and he showed up just to post this strangely awful song parody:

    http://deadspin.com/5886035/tim-wakefield-is-retiring-after-19-weird-fluttery-seasons-and-200-wins?comment=47106235#comments

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    1. I am interested in the inspiration. I mean, what led to the connection between the two? Was Wakefield associated with Wham! for some reason? Was the author just listening to that song on a loop and needed an outlet? How does that even happen?

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    2. Identifier of Stupid Plays on WordsFebruary 17, 2012 at 4:52 PM

      Tim WAKEfield. WAKE Me Up Before You Go-Go.

      You can thank me later.

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    3. It's so obvious. It's an allusion to Wham-O, the original maker of the frisbee, which is a reference to the fluttery flight of a Wakefield pitch.

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    4. Maybe it's because George Michael was busted in a public restroom that was located in a field, like a "Wake" field, and his collaborator in Wham! was Andrew Ridgeley, as in the ridges on your knuckles, like a knuckleball.

      You know what? Fuck it. I'm giving that a goddamned +1.

      Delete
  14. Hey, everyone who was arguing that comments were better 5 years ago, compare the basketball video comments today to those when Leitch posted it:

    (Link here)

    Actually, you know what? Don't read either.

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    Replies
    1. Was anybody arguing that? I thought the question was whether the old-timer commenters who are still around (Hatey, Hume, etc.) are legitimately good or just relics of a lesser time.

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    2. I think there was a little of both. I think there will always be rose-colored glasses. I know I have then about the site I commented at before I came to Deadspin, before it effectively became a shittier version of Jezebel.

      Hatey and Sheed barely comment these days, but I have a real hard time believing people don't think Hume is terrific. He's both hilarious and genuinely silly, which is something we don't have enough of. He's not just another dude repackaging out-of-context quotes into jokes about John Kruk. I get that he is revered, and maybe that reverence rubs some people the wrong way, but it is well-earned.

      Unlike that asshole who worships the Olive Oil Voice and Guinea Charm guy.

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    3. Discussions about tone and style evolution aside, there *were* a number of great, really top-notch commenters pre-and post 2009 purge. I'm not sure I agree 100% with Clue Heywood (who I agree with on most other things) that the apex of commenting was 2008. I think it was, sadly, in the immediate aftermath of the 2009 purge, when great older guys who had drifted off showed back up for a little while and slayed it for a few weeks before drifting away again.

      I'd say that guys like Doyle McPoyle (who is not Hatey), Camp Tiger Claw, Spud, Weed vs Speed, Arriaga II, Chamomiles Davis, Phil Mickelsons Man Tits, Karlifornia, Jefferson Short Bus, Katni, She Blinded Me With Violence, Andre Roussimoff, Hockey Mountain, Sports-Pun, Feast, Business Socks, Saberhagendaaz, Silent Q, (and so on) could step in tomorrow and kick ass. The specifics of their jokes may have been different in those days as they colored within the lines that were given at the time. They all showed the same thing that the best commenters now show - the ability to exercise wit, humor and show sharpness in response to the posts.

      (And this is leaving out guys like CPH, Scientific Mapp, Doug Dascenzo's Only Fan, Mattinglys Sideburns, Stev D, Arkansas Fred and others who still pop in, but rarely.)

      This idea that commenters who were good "back in the day" are somehow necessarily relics of a worse, inherently unfunnier era and stuck in a less sophisticated time is just utter horseshit. Yes, there were a load of underwhelming people who got starred when that required nothing more than acquiring 20 followers, and because they ran and hid during the purges they kept their star. That they are stars who may not be up to our standards and are coincidentally old school guys is evidence of correlation, not causation.

      Saying that Hatey and Pittsburgh Mini Ponies have anything in common other than tenure is either lazy and simplistic or intellectually dishonest and evidence of an agenda that extends beyond recognizing quality. You can (like I do) decline to applaud the harshest of Hatey's material, but the best of Hatey's jokes are smarter, funnier and more sophisticated than almost anything this site has seen.

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    4. Thanks for that extremely well written piece. I agree with 99% of what you said and particularly appreciate the obvious thought they went into it. I wish you had signed your name so I knew who to thank but +1 in any event.

      Delete
  15. You're no Pharaoh; not everything is an opportunity to "pyramid."
    You're no Pharaoh; not everything is an opportunity to "pyramid."
    You're no Pharaoh; not everything is an opportunity to "pyramid."

    I think I have a riffing-compulsion problem.

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    Replies
    1. Your thing with Hume was pretty awesome.

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    2. Look buddy if you think I accidentally confused you with SponsoredbyV8 then you've got a lot of nerve.

      I will consider you forgiven only if we never speak of it again. Good day, sir.

      Delete
  16. http://deadspin.com/5823128/what-does-bartolo-colon-mean-today?comment=41127511#comments

    I don't know why but I think about this comment all the time. One of my all-time favorites.

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  17. So, I missed the fun yesterday. Or, more precisely, I missed personally participating in the fun - though in my absence I managed to be called a mediocre troll asshole, so I have that going for me, which is nice.

    But, that whole mess did make me wonder - beyond twitter is GourmetSpud doing anything else that could brighten our day? I doubt that even the most obstinate critic of other "old-timey" commenters would deny that he is brilliant and still brings the fastball on twitter. But he almost never shows up at Deadspin - I know WeedVsSpeed has a blog (also hilarious), but does Spud have anything else?

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    1. He blogs at www.foodcourtlunch.com, if I'm not mistaken.

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    2. Thanks. There is some good stuff there (Darren Rovell at the laundromat was great), though it looks like he doesn't update it very frequently ... selfish bastard - I want more free entertainment, and I want it now damnit.

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  18. Replies can be fun. That divorce give and take was the most fun I've had commenting in weeks (maybe the #SI morning...that was full of rich posts). And I don't even think there's technically a punchline in the whole thing. Thanks Hume.

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  19. Hey guys, cobra here. Just wanted to pop-in and say you guys missed the +1 boat on a few of my jokes today:

    http://deadspin.com/5886095/dwight-howard-is-coming-to-town-so-the-nets-are-pretending-they-have-fans?comment=47114789#comments

    http://deadspin.com/5886089/oliver-luck-on-west-virginia-leaving-the-big-east-why-is-divorce-so-expensive-because-its-worth-it?comment=47111318#comments

    Also, my reply in Uwe's Putin thread was clearly the funniest. I'm willing to accept +1 in private messages as well.

    Keep up the good work, IMG

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    Replies
    1. False...

      http://deadspin.com/5886052/vladimir-putin-goes-bobsledding-almost-makes-it-to-the-end?comment=47107078#comments

      NO-DA-ARRGGGGGHHHHH

      How does that get no love?

      [hyperextends elbow reaching]

      Delete
  20. Look, if we're gonna talk about missed comments, then here is your winner. Just because it was dropped in the deadest hour of a Friday night doesn't make it any less funny.

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    Replies
    1. Definetly cobra, also a pandering dickhead :)February 17, 2012 at 10:06 PM

      Please accept my heartfelt +1 as a means of thanking you for all of your hard work. Without you, the rest of us wouldn't seem as funny as we are. Hence, the formation of the all-new Echo & The Funnymen spin-off blog soon to appear wherever the internet can be found.

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    2. No one asked (except you pandering dickheads), but Cobra, I liked your WV comment. I left without +1ing anyone because I was mad I couldn't think of anything.

      And Echo, I've made my bones making hilarious comments in the late weekend hours. No one appreciates them but Lionel Osbourne. Thanks, Lionel!

      Delete
    3. Bring Back Anthony Mason + DuvelFebruary 18, 2012 at 3:25 AM

      I've found that posting hilarious things on Friday afternoons/evenings is a FANTASTIC way to feel not funny.

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