Thursday, February 2, 2012

MKM Open Thread (Feb 2 2012)

Welcome to your MKM open thread for February 2, 2012, the day you learned that everyone who used the #DUAN hashtag on twitter last night is not nearly as funny as you remembered them being, and is actually just an inexplicably narcissistic asshole who has failed pretty miserably in his or her life. 


Pictured: How Pete Gaines remembers his time at Deadspin
Pictured: Pete Gaines today

Hey everyone, so yesterday was fun, huh?  I guess we'll keep this going.  Just a few considerations for keeping this thing moving along:

  1. Let's keep it civil.  Don't make any unfounded personal accusations about people or their motivations for enjoying a comment.  Avoid ad hominem attacks in general.  Of course, this applies only to people who are here.  Feel free to rip on anyone who isn't here, because fuck those assholes.
  2. I actually enjoyed the polls.  Keep those coming, but be mindful of consideration (1.) above. 
  3. I understand the desire to comment anonymously, but it can be disorienting when there are 12 different people posting as "anonymous," so maybe you can all think of an MKM handle?  It doesn't have to be your DS handle or anything, just something so we know who is who. 
Okay, that's it.  Have fun.  And here's a Youtube clip to get the conversation started. 


49 comments:

  1. More like Pete Lames, amiriteFebruary 2, 2012 at 11:38 AM

    Pete Gaines is a terrorist. You can't trust an angry bald man because you know he's got a misshapen penis and compensates by stockpiling 7.62mm AK-47 ammo.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know this is IMG's blog, but is he actually "here"? I need to make a joke about him enjoying the poles, but I don't want to break Rule 1.

    Here's one though: Who are the top 3 erstwhile commenters you wish would make a return?

    Being relatively new, I don't have a lot of insight, but Gourmet Spud is still making me laugh on Twitter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good question. How long does someone have to be gone before they're erstwhile? Bevraj of Choice hasn't commented in over 20 minutes.

      Delete
    2. I am always here. To answer you question with my own inadequate and wholly incomplete perspective:

      3. Ark Fred
      2. Spud
      1. Stev D

      Delete
    3. I miss Bobby Big Wheel, and he also kills it on Twitter.

      Delete
    4. Ok, so if I'm reading this right, the winner seems to be shuttledik?

      Delete
    5. Seconded on all three of IMG's picks, as well as Bellwether's. (I'd probably go Spud at 1, BBW at 2, and Stev D/Ark Fred for 3.)

      A few others; Karlifornia, Mattingly's Sideburns (he doesn't post nearly as often as he used to, no?), DirktoberFest.

      Delete
    6. Weed Against Speed.
      Christmas Ape.
      Matt_T.

      -MKM

      Delete
    7. Shit, I forgot all about Speed. Yes, he definitely makes the cut.

      Delete
    8. Weed Against Speed
      Karlifornia (I'll never forget the footprints joke)
      Gourmet Spud

      with Stev D being left out only because he still makes the occasional appearance.

      Delete
    9. Would you care to point me to the footprints joke? If it's what I'm thinking of, I very nearly made a similar gag today, and would have eaten an enormous plate of my own foot, if it's well-known to all.

      Delete
    10. http://deadspin.com/5241219/meet-the-woman-who-saved-zack-greinke-from-himself?comment=12602300

      Delete
    11. Thanks. I'm glad I didn't attempt it.

      Delete
  3. poll: five biggest contributors to deadspin (quantity of posts x average quality)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We talkin' commenters or writers/editors?

      Delete
    2. commenters. fuck the writers.

      Delete
    3. If we're multiplying quantity x quality, then the best have to be:

      Bevraj of Choice
      Steve U
      Eddie Murray Sparkles
      RMJ=H

      I'm not sure there's a legitimate fifth, there. Probably IMG.

      I don't like that metric. With quantity as a multiplier, it hugely and unduly favors people who comment a lot. A guy like TDK comments a lot less than RMJ=H, but there's really no debating that his average comment quality is higher than anyone's. But probably not by a big enough margin to make up for the multiplier effect another guy gets by commenting a lot.

      (I am not TDK.)

      (I am aware that these are made up metrics based on subjective appraisals.)

      Delete
    4. See, I could never answer this because there are 20-25 guys who I think would be deserving. Off the top of my head, EMS, Tex, Gamboa, Steve U, Sharting, Echo, Lionel, TDK, Hume, Bev, Uwe, CPH, Sheed, Mattingleys Sideburns, Phin, StF, Delonte, Interrupted... and I just need to stop because I could keep going and going.

      I do like I've left someone out but I'm sure it's no one who is too important to me, or who merits a mention on this blog.

      Delete
    5. No, that looks like a complete list to me, IMG.

      Delete
    6. Sheed? As in Sheed's Bald Spot? Doesn't he post like once a month, and not very well? Maybe I'm missing something.

      Delete
    7. Sheed does not comment as often as I would like but I think he slugs pretty close to 4.000 when he does. He might be my favorite commenter on a per comment basis. He's brilliant absurd and totally accessible. I can see why some people might not enjoy that.

      Delete
    8. Straight Talk ExpressFebruary 2, 2012 at 5:09 PM

      Phintastic does not belong on your list. He has not posted three funny comments in the past two years.

      Delete
    9. The only correct answers to this question are one of the following:

      TDK
      ScientificMapp
      Stev D

      Delete
    10. Wait...wait...quality x quantity? That's crazy talk.

      Delete
  4. Hey, Amazing Schneijfermsggeaman, your Buffalo Bills joke totally ripped off my Buffalo Bills joke in the LA Kings thread.

    I'm not complaining, I just think its fitting that someone would come along and finish second.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Amazing SneijdermanFebruary 2, 2012 at 1:02 PM

      I know, I know. I posted mine, and didn't check the other posts until after I couldn't edit it. Oh well, my bad.

      And I would say we should judge it by the replies, but that's obviously a flawed way to determine it. Obviously.

      Delete
    2. Just having fun. Your joke is different and funny.

      Delete
    3. The Amazing SneijdermanFebruary 2, 2012 at 1:11 PM

      That's so sweet. And I was going to call you a selfish lover for always finishing first, too.

      Delete
  5. Do you have the rest of the pics that go with that top one? That guy bangs all those chicks, right?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am here to apologize. I've been awful lately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No need to apologize. This is a great place to come when you've been awful. That's why I only hang out here now.

      Delete
  7. PLEURAL NECKLACE.

    Seriously though, sorry about that [taps mic] bit. I just inherently dislike puns because I'm horrible with them (my head just doesn't work that way) and was proud of myself for coming up for one I thought was pretty good. That and the [taps mic] mental image made me kind of laugh. Borderline inside baseball I suppose though.

    And before you mock...make sure you're doing a better job than SaveToFavorites, he already put me in my place.

    -SV8

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't see that until just now. I like it, and think that should be an acceptable move.

      There are a number of times where I've wanted to go back and, half ironically but half seriously, reply to my own comment with a "Look, you fucking idiots, I'm going to explain this joke to you like you're a fifth grader."

      Your way was much funnier, though.

      Delete
    2. I laughed at the [taps mic] thing, so, you know, assuming your goal was to elicit laughter from the insect-themed demographic, you knocked it out. I can see why the ninjas wouldn't want that to be a common move, but, like Raysism, I was pickin' up what you were puttin' down.

      Delete
    3. I agree. I didn't get the reference, but while I was looking it up, I was laughing at [taps mic] and STF's repartee, both of which should be perfectly acceptable.

      Delete
    4. Oh, it was an affectionate chin-chuck, it was-- I liked your bit, too.

      Delete
    5. Glad to hear it came across that way. But it was really more a human anatomy joke.

      Wait...what kind of doctor are you?

      Delete
    6. Guess I should have included the "Mantis" part of my handle. Cause, you know, it's an insect.

      [taps mic]

      Shit. Yeah, looks better on you.

      Delete
    7. Ha. Jesus, this is awkward. I thought you meant insect as in pleura is an insect thoracic segment. Not as in Mantis. Which I don't even register as an insect reference and instead just imagine DeVito standing in front of his laptop and commenting away. Anyway...

      Delete
  8. She's fat. So leave her.February 2, 2012 at 5:57 PM

    How did my antivirus not block this?

    ReplyDelete
  9. So, Pandering Panda or whatever, I saw your comment in the Cashman thread and I think we can now safely rule out your screen name as the source of your problems...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ehhhh...maybe, maybe not. A fresh start can be a big help (I think I've had four different usernames in the years I've been commenting off and on). More importantly, nothing makes you better at commenting like continuing to comment. It's like anything else...you get better at it the more you practice.

      Delete
    2. I don't want to discourage any new commenters, but I think I can conservatively say that Pandering Panda doesn't quite have the tone down yet.

      Delete
    3. Also, where the fuck is DUAN? Did all the old vets unironically asking if it still existed on Twitter actually kill it?

      Delete
  10. Who Wants To Eat 4 Burritos?February 2, 2012 at 8:03 PM

    Quick think of a Yankee bust then say how he also stole from Cashman!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Overweight White Jezebel CommenterFebruary 2, 2012 at 8:49 PM

    We need more women of color writing for Deadspin!

    Like, your privilege is showing.

    ReplyDelete
  12. http://deadspin.com/5881880/report-josh-hamilton-had-an-alcohol+related-relapse-earlier-this-week

    YOU JINXED HIM, IMG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First thing I thought of. It's so awesome to see how powerful this blog already is.

      Delete