Thursday, February 2, 2012

Whoooooooaa Unfunndy! (Profiles in Commenters who aren't as good as MKM: Polk Panther)

If I had any artistic integrity, I'd stop right there, because I've never seen Polk Panther use text for anything other than to let everyone know he has cancer.  What, you didn't know Polk has cancer?  Weird, because I've received enough radiation from my cell phone screen just reading his posts and tweets about cancer that I'm pretty sure I could give him a dose of chemo just by smiling at one of his jokes, but that's not likely to happen.

Nope, all we know about Polk Panther is that he likes to use Photoshop and he really enjoys that shot of Jason Whitlock sleeping on a couch.  He has gotten more mileage out of that photo than a Prius owner on the moon.  Oh, and that he has cancer.

Most of Polk's photoshops were pretty funny the first time he did them.  I think we all remember when he auspiciously burst onto the scene with this.  Since then, he's done approximately 4,000 different photoshop comments, which have collectively incorporated about four total photographs.  He is like the Taco Bell of commenters, everything he does is just a different arrangement of the same four basic ingredients.

Anyway, I am seriously glad you beat cancer, man.  That's great, and hopefully we'll wipe out that wretched disease in our lifetime. And I have a little tip, if you're ever going to try to do a funny photoshop bit to playfully needle a friend, do NOT run a google image search for "cancer."  Not fun.  Stick to "cancer ribbon."  Trust me on that one.


MKM > Polk Panther

UPDATE: I should be clear: I do not think cancer is in any way funny.  It's claimed my friends and family, as I'm sure it has done to many of you.  I do, however, think it's funny to make fun of someone for talking about his cancer nonstop, which is why I'm very comfortable making jokes about Rex Ryan's relationship with Santonio Holmes.


  1. There's an infinite number of time I've pleasured your wife IMG.

  2. Uh, hey, Peg.

    [flushes toilet]