Armen Tamzarian is charming, infectiously likable, and a much worse commenter than MKM. If any commenter - other than MKM, of course - should have his own late night talk show, he's the guy. He exudes that sort of silly, friendly, welcoming appeal that could put anyone around him at ease, while also delivering the sort of bland, inoffensive humor that would put the viewers at home to sleep faster than an Ambien Colada. He's Deadspin's own Byron Allen.
As a commenter, Armen is best analogized to the sort of character that children create in sports video games. It's as if someone assigned all his points to "power," with zero to "contact," so that he strikes out 99% of the time, and then crushes a 700-foot home run. In Deadspin, this equates to posting a couple dozen Simpsons JPGs without supporting text,* followed by something like this. In this sense, it's almost perfectly appropriate that he named himself after a character from one of the all-time worst episodes of one of TV's all-time funniest shows. He's Deadspin's own Rob Deer.
I close with a personal and almost entirely true story. When I was a newly minted commenter, I remember posting a comment about which I immediately felt a twinge of regret. It was just a little too corny for this place, and I was convinced it would cost me my brand new star. But, only moments later, I had a reply. It was from Armen. Instantly, I was at ease. There's no way the ninja would take my star for something that got positive feedback from another starred commenter, right? [ed note. Yes. Yes, there absolutely is.] I resolved then and there that I would absolutely return the +1 for the next even passably-humorous comment that this wonderful man, Armen, made. And I did just that, about three months later.
Cheers to you, Armen! Besides MKM, there is no Deadspin commenter I would rather have a beer with than you.**
MKM > Armen Tamzarian, but we're all love you, buddy!
*Copyright, Norbizness (2010)
** For the purposes of this statement, I am going to assume that Jennifer Aniston is not a Deadspin commenter. And also that Gamboa Constrictor, EddieMurraySparkles, Sheed's Bald Spot, and Steve_U are, in fact, Jennifer Aniston.