Saturday, January 14, 2012

Lionel Os-borin' (Profiles in Commenters Who Aren't As Good As MKM)

Lionel Osbourne is 14 years old and has a more vivid recollection of 1980s pop culture than Kurt Loder in the midst of a three-day coke binge.   And that's the least weird aspect of him.  The guy's chief interests appear to be boxing and the musical theater which, while obviously demonstrating impeccable taste, are about as compatible with his demographic profile as Lindsay Lohan is with a graphing calculator.   The guy could not be more of an anachronism if Emmitt Smith were reviewing a Sex Pistols album in Utopia, Ohio.

There's no denying that Lionel is a passable, albeit comfortably sub-MKMite, commenter.  His schtick consists of either making an oblique reference to an obscure 1980s sitcom that aired only in Tajikistan, or recontextualizing some particularly graphic section of text so that it is attributed to one of his grandparents, which would be far more hilarious if his grandparents weren't in their early 30s.

The enigma that is Mr. Osbourne is likely to continue for at least a little bit longer, but thanks to the latest cutting-edge technology, there is finally a at least the opportunity to contrast Lionel's public persona with a sophisticated computer-derived composite image of the actual Lionel.  That's fantastic.

Pictured: Lionel Osbourne's Public Persona

Compare: Composite Sketch of Actual Lionel Osbourne 

MKM > Lionel Osbourne


  1. "No, YES!"

    -JerRy sandDUSky

  2. So, what is it with grandparents? Mine never really liked me. Have I ever mentioned that? Because they did. Lots. I wonder what they would say today if they were still around. Probably something about my dogs.

    Someone slashed my tires in the parking lot today. What a crazy life!