Wednesday, June 27, 2012

MKM Top Ten List

Consider this KOAN.

Top Ten Little Known Kinja Features

10.  Automatically shares comments with Facebook and Twitter friends, as well as your mother-in-law
9.    Makes all jokes 10% funnier by adding "in bed" at the end of every sentence.
8.    Pixelated Burner Account avatars actually provide real-time view through Nick Denton's compound eyes
7.    To limit litigation risk, all comments to Magary posts set to display only on the PS Vita of the commenter originally posting them
6.    Formerly starred commenters now considered "Corporals" and accordingly all content is placed behind the two chevrons on the right side of the screen
5.    "O AN HE SEXY" auto-converts to HTML code for photo of Hamilton Nolan in a velvet robe, invitingly stroking a Siamese
4.    All comments by Dubai at Night inexplicably converted into nonsensical unfounded accusations
3.    High-tech Kinja algorithm takes into account users' commenting history, length and thoughtfulness of comment, and attractiveness of photos on linked Facebook profile
2.    In event of emergency, has the ability to communicate directly with Zooey Deschanel to arrange for soup delivery
1.    Is almost an anagram for "a jinx"

5 comments:

  1. Number 6 is funny as shit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You laugh, but the truth is that Kinja is the result of a handshake agreement that Tommy made with Norby during the secret recruiting meeting they had under the guise of Tommy "infiltrating" an ESPN staff meeting. When Deadspin's value falls so precipitously that ESPN is able to buy the site for $20.37 and one used gorilla suit, and Tommy is then named ESPN's SVP of Serious Online Discussions, don't say I didn't warn you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Amazing SneijdermanJune 28, 2012 at 9:37 AM

    Zooey: Kinja, play Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in African dialect!

    Kinja: [click, click, click]

    ReplyDelete