Friday, September 7, 2012

MKMOT (September 7, 2012)

Oh, I saw it. All of it. And now it's time to clear some things up.

First of all, I may have made a little mistake in the moments before my departure. I left a note on CJ's desk, simply stating "Thank you for holding it down while I'm gone." Well, what I now realize is that I placed that note right on top of our daily pageview report, and he held it down admirably to say the least. My fault entirely, and I thank CJ for his service.

Despite this snafu, whatever Guy Who tauntingly toe tagged our "blog" is way, way off. For one, I don't even know what a "blog" is. For two, this balog doesn't have a friend "Mark". I checked. And let me tell you something, Guy Who, no one declares this balog dead except for me, ya smell me? This reminds me of D.K., the most senior member of my ant farm. Sure, he's a shell of his old self. Sure, it's been a long time since he's shown any signs of activity. Sure, most days it seems like no one knows he's there. But I do, and it's my ant farm. And in the event that some of my old friends ever decide that they feel like coming over to play again for old time's sake, I'll be damned if I'm going to look them in their eager eyes and tell them that D.K. is no longer around for their entertainment. 

Let me tell you about the last Guy Who doubted me. He was a stewardess on my flight home, and no one who witnessed our confrontation will soon forget his slack-jawed stance as I easily fit my Lego Duplo Set #5795 Big City Hospital into the overhead compartment. Carry on, I did, and carry on, I will.

Will you? Special announcement tomorrow. Suck it, haters. This one goes out to you. It's open.






41 comments:

  1. So I've mentioned once on here that I was a nationally competitive chess player while I was a kid. I played against Hikaru Nakamura quite a few times while we were growing up. Obviously, I got my ass handed to me each time, but it's cool to see he ended up making it to the top of the sport (or boardgame...whatever...not an argument I'm interested in having..."sport" is fucking impossible to define).

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    1. Chess has always fascinated me. I wish I was good at it and could comprehend strategy and be truly competitive with somebody who knew what they were doing, but, alas, I read soemthing like this and might as well be trying to install a dishwasher with the instructions written in Farsi.

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  2. Cyrus posted this over on twitter a few minutes ago. For those who missed it, this might be the best comment collection on the web since the spider bite post

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    1. I love the earnest recipe replies that say "This is just like my grandma's recipe, but.." and go on to list a recipe with about 1/4 of the ingredients in common. Glad to see that someone riffed off that idea with the soup comment. Great find.

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  3. I like Erik's work, but his latest post on Paul Ryan's marathon is just baffling. It's kinda embarrassingly naive -- I wish he had talked to someone with any knowledge of running before posting that.

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    1. Or before writing that shit-show post about Jay Bilas?

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    2. Wow, I just realized that Erik also wrote the Bilas post. He's not having a good day.

      PS, Echo's comment in the marathon post is pure gold

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    3. I completely read Bilas' tweet as mocking the mentally handicapped as well. Not that I don't now see where he was coming from. But I made the exact same mistake on first read-through.

      But yeah, I have friends who ran 4ish hour marathons on little to no marathon training. They were in decent shape and just dumb enough to be resolutely stubborn. But that was it.

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    4. Agreed. I give a shit about Paul Ryan running a marathon and doing P90-X like I give a shit about Barack Obama playing basketball, which is to say, I don't.

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    5. I knew that you'd set him straight on that. I was reading the article in growing disbelief that culminated in the "olympic" comment at the end. This has probably been said, but the 3 weeks of marathon training doesn't mean that he wasn't in 10-mile shape before adding in a few longer runs. In the interest of wagging my own running peen, I'll say that I ran a sub 1:25 half with no specific half training at the age of 19 and could have gone on to a near-3:00 marathon if my inner thighs had not caught fire and sloughed off.

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  4. "FEEL ME FLOW" OR GTFO!!!

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    1. What is IMG at his bi-monthly urologist visit?

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    2. "Feel Me Flow" is wonderful.

      It does not fit the message at all, and I certainly hope you aren't insinuating that Naughty only has one good song. Rock out to "Yoke" or GTFO.

      Until tomorrow, anyway.

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    3. No, not saying that at all. Their FIRST!!11! few albums were pretty great all the way through.

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  5. Are you dipshits kidding me? Where have you all been the last week?

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    1. We hate you. There, I said it. Someone had to.

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    2. What is the urologist to IMG at his bi-monthly visit?

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  6. Marv, welcome back. You were missed.

    More like CJSpillerYouSuck, amirite?

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    Replies
    1. Well, thanks for noticing.

      P.S. This one might blow your mind.

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    2. /hangs "Gone Baitin'" sign on office door

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    3. JESUS CHRIST YOU HAVE TO CLOSE THE DOOR, TOO
      [bleaches eyes]

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    4. Hey Skeevy, good to see you're ba- oh, hey bro, got room for one more?

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  7. Tauntingly toe tagged???

    Say that 10 times fast!11!!!

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  8. Guy Who Thinks Too Much About This Stuff And Is UweBollocksSeptember 7, 2012 at 12:05 PM

    What would be your burner name if you created an account? I think I'd go with "Darling Nickly"

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    1. OreMikeGallego, that way people would refer to me as OMG.

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    2. I'd rip off all of your comments and call myself Uwe'sBasementJaxx!!1!!1

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    3. lbabe's long lost husband

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    4. Before I got approved as Bellwether, I attempted one or two comments as Your Cousin Marvin Berry.

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  9. Replies
    1. Hey, maybe he meant it. For all you know, that guy genuinely does have a terrible sense of humor.

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    2. I hadn't thought of it that way. You may be right. There's a first for everything.

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  10. Getting kinda worried that my Chris Kluwe apathy makes me one of those "I don't own a television" types.

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    1. You're not the only one, apparently. Check this winner out.

      Oh, wait, that's not someone who, like me, the Guy who rrege nrppr dffxk, is also apathetic towards the novelty of a real life NFL guy doind Deadspin, that guy is a fucking dickhead who kinja'd his kinja all over the kinja, because kinja kinja'd our kinja.

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  11. I recently came to realize that after Kinja was introduced, what happened to Deadspin was the equivalent of watching a good friend catch some sort of wasting disease and slowly pass away.

    That said, the featured-comment-string in the Kluwe post is the equivalent of coming out of your front door--shortly after the wounds of watching your friend die have started to heal--and seeing as bunch of strangers munging his corpse in your yard.

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  12. So how do you interpret it when your comment gets multiple +1s from burners, but nothing from the formerly starred commentariat? What if it happens constantly?

    It is not a good sign is it?

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