MKMOT (September 7, 2012)

Oh, I saw it. All of it. And now it's time to clear some things up.

First of all, I may have made a little mistake in the moments before my departure. I left a note on CJ's desk, simply stating "Thank you for holding it down while I'm gone." Well, what I now realize is that I placed that note right on top of our daily pageview report, and he held it down admirably to say the least. My fault entirely, and I thank CJ for his service.

Despite this snafu, whatever Guy Who tauntingly toe tagged our "blog" is way, way off. For one, I don't even know what a "blog" is. For two, this balog doesn't have a friend "Mark". I checked. And let me tell you something, Guy Who, no one declares this balog dead except for me, ya smell me? This reminds me of D.K., the most senior member of my ant farm. Sure, he's a shell of his old self. Sure, it's been a long time since he's shown any signs of activity. Sure, most days it seems like no one knows he's there. But I do, and it's my ant farm. And in the event that some of my old friends ever decide that they feel like coming over to play again for old time's sake, I'll be damned if I'm going to look them in their eager eyes and tell them that D.K. is no longer around for their entertainment. 

Let me tell you about the last Guy Who doubted me. He was a stewardess on my flight home, and no one who witnessed our confrontation will soon forget his slack-jawed stance as I easily fit my Lego Duplo Set #5795 Big City Hospital into the overhead compartment. Carry on, I did, and carry on, I will.

Will you? Special announcement tomorrow. Suck it, haters. This one goes out to you. It's open.

MKMOT (August 25-26, 2012)

As nice as it was of CJ to usher me out the door yesterday,  my vacation doesn't actually start until Monday. That's right, kids, you won't have to deal with ol' Marvypoo for awhile. Being the workaholic that I am, I'm not much for time off, but once IMG explained to me that my unused vacation days would not be carried over, I realized that it was in my best interest to use them. Fortunately, after umpteen denied requests and a few conference calls with a Department of Labor representative, he graciously agreed. I'm not going to tell you where I'm going, but let's just say it's widely regarded as the greatest place on the planet, and ladies will be plentiful.

Don't let my absence change what you do around here. It's not cool to act up for a sub, so don't start being nice or stop throwing spitballs just to show off. I'd like to think we've gotten to the point where you're better than that. I will be getting a full report of your behavior when I get back, and if I don't like what I hear, I promise you there will be hell to pay. As for me, I will do everything I can to return with a renewed vigor, a fresh sense of purpose, and a singular determination to make this balog the best place it can be.

Take er home, CJ. Ladies and Guy Whos, I bid you adieu. But before I do, like my flask before takeoff, it's open.