Friday, September 28, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 17 (September 28, 2012)

Whew! That was exhausting. And by that, I mean exhilarating. I expected backlash, and got all that I bargained for, yet a surprising amount of support as well. You guys are way smarter than you look smell let on to be. I'm overflowing with debilitating genital herpes pride.

I said a mouthful in the comments, but let me reiterate one thing. The central premise behind each and every one of these is the same- my ears HATE the sound. Other factors compound the HATE and make for some interesting talking points, but the sensory aspect of music as the primary source of positive or negative reaction should not be a hard concept to grasp. There is no formula. The food analogy that I often cite is a good one. Two of my favorite songs, I mean A++ stuff for me, are this and this. What do they have in common? Nothing more than fresh mushrooms have in common with muffulettas, other than pure animal enjoyment. It's all sensory, man. Simple and plain.

With my penchant to encourage dissent, I understand that my words will be dissected. But let's keep it reasonable. When I say I "don't like a style of music", it doesn't mean that all works contained in it will end up on my HATE list. The variety shown in the last 16 posts should make that clear. But it shouldn't be considered outrageous to make such a statement. Put it this way, if I were in a record store, and I saw the "Potato Folk Rock" section, I would never set foot within its boundaries. It simply holds no interest for me. I can say the same for "Ska". Why should this be any more controversial than steering clear of the "Romance" section in the book store, or the "Animated Shorts" in the old-timey video store, or the "Middle Eastern" aisle at the supermarket? (*note- I love Middle Eastern food, but hopefully you get my drift). If someone cares to comb the entire catalog of an entire category of anything to find a single exception to invalidate a fairly tame blanket statement, I suppose it can almost always be done. But why bother, especially when the category cannot even be clearly framed within definite parameters? Besides, no one bothered to object when I made a similar statement about whatever category these assholes fall in. If you care to, I'm still listening.

Well, with all that said regarding yesterday, I'm mailing it in with an un-debatable tonight. So, as always, feel free to discuss anything else you may see fit.

Baby, I HATE it. It's open.


71 comments:

  1. I've heard that song, I like it.

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    1. It's like I can't even take you seriously anymore.

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    2. I wasn't saying I like it. I was just saying I've heard that song.

      I've also heard that song, Party in the U.S.A..

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    3. This does nothing to change my reply.

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  2. Is it supposed to have that odd sound to it? And it's not some kind of Weird Al imitation? I think some Motown will be just the thing to wash the sound out of my ears.

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  3. Speaking of shit songs named I Like It, anybody entranced by the Beatles should remember that they were functionally indistinguishable from this band for years.

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    1. And then they branched out tremendously, creating both technical and stylistic breakthroughs that still influence music today.

      Did you know that Jimi Hendrix was functionally indistinguishable from this for years as well?

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    2. Love, love me do! You know that I love you! Wub wubsy do! Schmooby dooby do!

      [teenaged girls scream]

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    3. These are two of my favorite Anonymous comments in a long time.

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  4. Well I am glad you finally gave up on that stupid 50 Days of Hate premise and started posting tunes that we can all agree that we LOVE.

    WAIT! - you're kidding me right?! Enrique AND Pitbull together on the same track! Some said it would never happen. Some said perhaps the combination of such powerful Latin flavors would be too much for the average listener to process. Well they proved everyone wrong with this club BANGER. Pitbull goes IN on this track and shows how he got his name. His lyrics grip you and don't let go, leaving you bloodied and disfigured, and forcing a Judge to order that he be put to sleep because this was the third time he got out of the yard and bit someone in the neighborhood. However, there is only one thing that can calm Pitbull's endless thirst for children's blood, and this is the melodic embrace of Enrique's angelic voice. So fear not young Marv, Enrique and Pitbull are together and you can sleep safe as they serenade you with their enchanting lullaby.

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    1. The Amazing SneijdermanSeptember 28, 2012 at 10:02 AM

      I like this.

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    2. Sometimes, at the end of a long work week of dealing with old bitches and middle-aged dads crying your ear off to get approval for their cancer treatments and whatever, all you want is to put on some platform heels, text your girls, and go to a club to get bloodied and disfigured by a smarmy dude with a catchphrase. That's life in the city*, baby! Besides, did you see what Pitbull's driving? I didn't, but I bet it's a LEXUS because he's wearing a shiny, expensive-looking suit.



      *Jersey City, I mean. Obviously.

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    3. Pitbull used to drive a Lexus when he was just an employee, but now he rides around in a Maybach because he's a BOSS.

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    4. You are a fine bitch, but you should be wearing a shorter skirt, though. Do you want some expensive champagne and a fine-bitch diamond? I am never going bankrupt because I don't waste my money on taxes. Dale!

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  5. Man am I glad you posted that Gaslight Anthem is "A++" stuff for you, because, man that shit SUUUUUUCKS. It's good to know which grain of salt I can take your daily hate-screeds with knowing that you'll be riding home on the bus listening to your Post-Hardcore for Teenage Girls playlist.

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    1. "Post-Hardcore for Teenage Girls"

      That is spectacularly good analysis of Gaslight Anthem. Dying.

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    2. I'm no huge fan of their catalog in general, but "45" is a damn airtight straightahead rock record (some lyrical misdemeanors-- "dancing with your ghost," "see you on the flipside"-- aside).

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    3. That song is, yes. And your categorization of them, while impressive to a Guy Who, is way, way off to me. If they're guilty of anything, it's a Springsteen obsession, which still does nothing to make 45 (and several of their other songs) less great.

      This is a first, so congrats on the originality, but take the grain of salt right back atcha. Hell, take the whole shaker.

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    4. Really? I like Gaslight Anthem, and I'm not a teenage girl. On the outside.

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  6. Man, I think we all had been waiting for someone to sample the score from Working Girl for way too long.

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  7. Christ Marv, you're not even asking the most basic question: what does MKM think about this song?

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    1. I ask myself that every day when I refrain from posting Jersey Boys.

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  8. So, the "Carlos Mencia" gag account that someone is running is pretty fucking retarded, huh? Say what you want about the spammers, but at least the Free C!ali$ guys are trying to get your dick hard.

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    1. No, don't you see, he's creating a devastating critique of Kinja, by making purposely hacky jokes, the likes of which would not have been allowed before! His tired, derivative and tedious jokes are a profound statement! If he just has the boldness and conviction of character to keep at it, Denton is bound to come to his senses and undo it all. Hell, he'll probably reach out to this blog to ask us, hat in hand, "Where do I go from here? I need your input!"

      Or, it's the same guy who did "Street Justice" and "Bart Scott's DERA-A-HERP" and "That's The Joke" and is hell bent on teaching bad commenters a lesson they won't soon forget.

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    2. Clearly you're the same dipshit who comes over to tell us how your feelings are so hurt because some guys cliqued over Deadspin commenting...how sad is your life that THIS is what gets you so angry? Trust me, it's not that important. Just go outside, talk a walk, take some deep breaths and then step in front of a truck. You'll feel much better.

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    3. Actually, that Carlos Mencia account gets my dick hard.

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    4. It's almost as if the bad commenters are the only ones who give a shit about people mocking bad commenters.

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    5. Bronzie, I get where you are coming from, but look at it this way: imagine there's a big fresh turd in your back garden. You're upset, so, to protest, you drop trou and squeeze out another big turd on top of it - "that'll learn it" you say. The first turd don't care, it's just a turd, and now, there are TWO turds there. Twice the stink!

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    6. They've deleted my comment twice, yet some guy who made an actual Chuck Norris joke in the year 2012 still remains.

      :(

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    7. To build on the metaphor: Citing Eminent Domain, the city has commandeered my garden, turned it into a sewage treatment plant, and kicked me out of my apartment.

      I don't buy the argument that we should still be held to a pre-Kinja standard (though I have no opinion on the Carlos Mencia stuff). There is no more standard. I'm not making jokes to contribute to the "discussion system" anymore. I'm only making jokes for the enjoyment of the dozen or so guys who are still around, because I like to, and, most likely, because I'm a huge moron who developed a habit and can't take the hint that nobody wants jokes there anymore.

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    8. Obviously you're the problem with Deadspinja. Once you're gone, the place will be back to the good 'ol days!

      DERP!

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    9. Was it really your house, though?

      /Unlocks door to attic for line of 16-year-olds waiting to write "fag" in excrement on your childhood photoalbums

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    10. Bronzo,

      To build on the metaphor, the city has kicked me out of my apartment, and has strapped me to a chair connected to a device and is letting juvenile delinquents fire these ray emitting devices at my crotch, and if they connect, the device dunks me in the poop-water tank where my garden used to be, and the juvenile delinquents are all wearing strange electromechanical face shields. Plus, the city is all sterile and weirdly futuristic and the buildings are these smooth concrete ziggurats with reflective glass windows, and it's really hot, and you realize that aliens are in control of everyone else's mind, and you're the only one who knows this, and it is fucking terrifying and you can't figure out how to get back to your home.

      But seriously, though, I get it, the place is a mess, and you ask, "what is one more turd in a minefield of them?" Maybe it's just a matter of taste, but less turds are always preferable to more turds. Sure there was a Chuck Norris joke, but at least the guy tried to actually make a joke - does anyone think that screeching at him with a mockery account is going to change that behavior? It obviously isn't, and doing that, knowing it has no effect just smells like small-minded bullying and attention whoring and stirs up the wrong kind of sentiment.

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    11. Probably should have gotten a building permit first though.

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    12. No, nothing's going to change it. I could certainly be accused of making inside-baseball comments and trolling the would-be pink commenters and dropping "turds" just like Mencia; I realize it's not going to make the place any better. But after the nth idiot explains my joke in a reply, or tells me to "be funnier", or calls Barry a shithead, I have a lot of frustration built up and making jokes at their expense makes me feel better.

      If you consider that type of stuff somehow worse than the stuff that inspired it, then I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure as shit not going to till the damn garden if I'm going to be the only one doing it.

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    13. Seems fairly straightforward to me: making shitty comments sucks. If you're making shitty comments, you suck, whether you're doing it because you don't know any better or because you think you're being cute.

      To me (speaking for me, not telling anybody else how they're supposed to do it), it has nothing to do with anybody else's standard but my own. I try to make quality comments, and I respect people who also do that, because I know that it's not easy and I appreciate the effort to make us laugh or think. People who don't try to make quality comments are fine with me, as long as they don't make any comments. People who deliberately make bad or hostile or obnoxious comments are assholes, as are the nitwits who don't give a shit about quality and care only about putting their stupid opinion out there for ten thousand strangers to read.

      (@Bronze: I'm not talking about occasionally giving a snarky response to some dick who explains your joke or calls you an asshole, here. I think we've all done that at some point. Nor am I talking about getting into it with morons who take up indefensibly stupid positions on things - Lord knows I've done that plenty. I'm talking about people who've responded to the lowering of standards by behaving just as obnoxiously as the burner idiots they pretend to hate so much. And I say "pretend" because for a lot of Kinja's most vocal critics, on Deadspin and elsewhere, it's been a boon: they can now troll and meta-comment and attack people at will without having to put in a nominal and ornamental joke-making effort every now and then to stave off banishment.

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    14. I'm not talking about occasionally giving a snarky response to some dick who explains your joke or calls you an asshole, here. I think we've all done that at some point. Nor am I talking about getting into it with morons who take up indefensibly stupid positions on things

      I'd argue that those things are far worse than obnoxious trolling from former/probably current commenters.

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    15. I think I pretty much agree with that 1000%.

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    16. Agree with what Sharting said, that is. Guy Who Criticizes Me can go hang from a damn tree.

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    17. I think people know that I don't like Kinja, but I rarely address it because I see little point. All I do is comment less.

      That being said, I did have a constructive conversation about it with Craggs way back. It was greatly appreciated, but it changed nothing. All constructive forms of protest have changed nothing.

      With that in mind, I don't for the life of me understand why people get so worked up about other people's forms of protest, when they are not even the subject of the "attack". I'm not behind any of the shenanigans, I assure you, but why take offense? Maybe I've just lost passion because this incarnation of Deadspin isn't really worth my protection. The Mencia guy has made me laugh a bit. None of his targets have. If he doesn't make you laugh, I respect that. But if you're not the one he's going at, why get worked up?

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    18. That sounds too harsh. What I meant was, "can go jump into a wheat thresher."

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    19. @Gamboa: That's a fair question. My answer (only mine) is that I don't think people should hit the submit button unless their comment makes the comments better. That's it. Every other sports site on the internet has people trashing each other with stuff like that Mencia thing: what brought many of us to this one is that this one didn't (for a time - or at least, this one had a body of commenters and a set of moderators and a collective ethos that prohibitively discouraged that sort of thing). Those of us who still care enough about comments that it would even occur to us to reply to a shitty comment with another shitty one pointing out how shitty the first one is, or to haunt the comments section of a third-party blog hangout for Deadspin commenters, we still have a choice. It's hard to make a convincing argument that one is upset by the lowering of standards while also exploiting those lowered standards for one's own juvenile giggles.

      If our beef with Kinja really and truly is that it has allowed the site to be flooded with shit, adding more shit isn't "protest": it's surrender.

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    20. @Sharting

      I mean, I get what you're saying, and it's hard for me to address it without being repetitive. But I guess I'm just saying that Kinja has (sadly) largely ruined things for me, so nothing can possibly inspire enough passion or ferocity for me to take it personally enough to get as worked up as I might have when things were, you know, great. I occasionally get a cheap laugh from a Mencia-type, and the real shame here is that cheap laughs are so welcome in the current sea of shit. Also, I fucking love run-on sentences.

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    21. I feel like I need to backtrack a bit and say that I don't think that everybody who's behind these little burner performance-art pieces is, like, a friggin' sociopath. This will seem insufferably maudlin, but I think we're all, in our own ways, mourning the comment section we used to have, and I get that some people are handling it by lashing out, or by adopting a "screw this, I'm still gonna get my laughs" mentality.

      But I still think it's a jerk move to deal with your frustration over the state of the comments by trashing the place (and here, by "trashing the place," I don't mean talking bad about it here or elsewhere, but rather actively trashing it, like a rock band in a hotel room). I am a parent of two young kids. Burner trolling by seasoned commenters reminds me exactly and perfectly of the little-kid thing of destroying a toy when the grownups are forcing you to share it.

      I'm not saying that because OOH MEGA BURN I CALLED Y'ALL KIDS; I'm saying it because it's true. And I hate that it's true. It doesn't mean that I hate the people behind the Mencias and PaulBlartings and whoever-the-fuck-else. It means that it disappoints me that they won't make the more-mature-seeming choice to either make a positive contribution, or just leave it alone. Or, hell, to make a critical and negative contribution in a constructive, coherent way.

      Nothing's forcing anybody to sink to the level of Kinja's dregs. It's a choice.

      If saying that makes me an asshole, that's disappointing, too, but I'll live with it.

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    22. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching, or there is no comment ninja looming over you.

      If you were someone who would claims he would have been pissed about "Carlos Mencia" back in the comment section's heyday, it's quite the thing to now say "well, that was then, now I think that is A-OK." Being cool (or uncool) with that "every other sports blog" horseshit is pretty hard to do a sudden mental 180 on.

      I don't think there is anyone here who is actually OK with or likes that typical sports blog sniping and arguing and trashing, and I'm certainly not trying to call anyone out for being a closet troll lover, or disingenuous. I'm sure it's just frustration, but I remember which side I was on when it counted (the correct side, like you guys), and keep walking that path.

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    23. I continue to believe that nothing is ruining the DS comment section more than the fact that most of the really funny commenters are not commenting as often. On those rare occasions when a post gets more than a dozen of us to show up and make a funny joke, you hardly even notice the burners.

      So anytime that the burners make you feel like quitting or lashing back at them, just post a funny comment instead, and this place will get a lot better.

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  9. I'd like Enrique Iglesias records just fine if they didn't leave me disoriented and give my ears herpes.

    Pitbull, though? Well, I'd be a little surprised if he was allowed to hang out with pubescent relatives unsupervised.

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    1. COOL STORY BRO ALERT!

      Years ago, I became really good friends with one of my managees(?) who grew up with Pitbull. He was nothing more than a "local rapper" at the time, so I ribbed her mercilessly. Fast forward all these years later, and I think it goes without saying who had the last laugh. I bet that guy's never even gotten COTF!

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    2. Gamboa

      Remember when we bet that dollar? We need to have a serious conversation. Shit's getting pretty close to home.

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  10. I've heard that song It's Always a Good Time.

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  11. I hate to break up the discussion around here, but I thought it was important to GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

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    1. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

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    2. I just had two bagels. One with lox cream cheese, the other with chives and cream cheese.

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    3. I opened this in a new tab, but quickly decided to close the tab when I saw the title appear. Hopefully I made the right decision.

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    4. Just imagine the other kinds of shapes and sizes and textures that could someday be considered beautiful in places other than my bathroom mirror.

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  12. You know what's disheartening? Finding out what shitty taste in music your friends and relatives have. In the last few months, I got a shitload of MP3's from my brothers and friends. I keep finding artists listed on my iPod that I don't recognize. I think to myself, "Hey, let's check these guys out." More often than not, I'm disappointed.
    I do not recommend the following artists*: U.P.O, The Kickdrums and Saving Abel.
    In addition, I cannot believe how horrible the latest Our Lady Peace album is. They were one of my favorite bands... 12 years ago.

    *Not an exhaustive list

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    1. Saving Abel is the Hinder/Theory Of A Deadman/ Nickelback of 2011/2012.

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  13. In the last two posts I've seen burners titles "voodkanaut" and "AllOverButThePaulBlarting."

    I am not sure I like this trend, though I guess it could be temporarily amusing.

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    1. Unfortunately, that PaulBlarting fella has been around for a good long while. He doesn't comment very often, thank God.

      I don't mind tribute names, so long as they're being used to make awesome jokes. PaulBlarting mostly just seems like a sarcastic, argumentative burner-type.

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  14. I've heard that song I'm Wide Awake.

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  15. I've heard that I'm Sexy and I Know It song.

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    1. As disappointed as I am that this isn't 100% clips from Short Circuit, god damn this video is hilarious.

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    2. I lovelovelove that they got Ally Sheedy, but couldn't get Steve Guttenberg, because, y'know, Steve Guttenberg.

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    3. Right? So they use a cardboard cutout and MAKE THE MOUTH MOVE. If you were trying to make a parody video today it couldn't possibly be this funny.

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    4. Which, ironically, makes a better actor than Steve Guttenberg.

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  17. Guy Who Says Jerry Sandusky And Others Were Part Of A Pedophile Ring Is Probably Full Of ShitSeptember 28, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    Deadspin owes me an h/t!!!

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