Friday, September 28, 2012


  1. I have heard that That's What Makes You Beautiful song.

  2. Does this have something to do with Carlos Mencia?

  3. Yeah, you know what? Fuck burritos. I really dig this whole HATE thing.

    For what it's worth, I never loved burritos. Not even back before everyone loved burritos, when it would have still been cool to love burritos. Even in the days of quote-unquote underground burritos, I always felt like burritos were just a cheap, dumbed-down, mainstream version of the crepe, only instead of being filled with a modest helping of elegantly prepared ingredients, they're stuffed to the hilt with all kinds of chopped up and overly spiced pig slop. Disgusting. No subtlety whatsoever, no artistry. Just a crude pile of pre-chewed F-grade leftovers wrapped in a tasteless dough sheet.

    And I'll tell you what's even worse: now it's like, everywhere I turn, somebody is hating burritos. Which is such bullshit: I've been hating burritos for years, but now it's become this whole MTV, Disney Channel phenomenon, oh, look at us and how much we hate burritos, yeah right, as if you were hating burritos back when they were just sloppy, fattening calorie-tubes in shitty little Tex-Mex restaurants and one - one - national fast food chain. It's like I can't even hate burritos in public anymore, because now I look like all those other assholes who fucking preen and pose and wear stupid little "I HATE BURRITOS" t-shirts that they probably bought for $65 at Urban Outfittters but of course look like they came from a thrift store, yeah right, as if anyone but me hated burritos long ago enough that their shirts would already be in a thrift store.

    It's like, does nothing great ever stay great? EVERYTHING goes bad. Once the masses get ahold of it, it's like what used to be really cool and pure, like genuine, pure hatred of burritos used to be, is now just a fad, some empty little terminal by which a bunch of johnny-come-lately teenagers and hipsters plug into the mainstream, oh cool check out my NO BURRITOS shoes, bros, which, like, get a life, right? Get your own thing. Leave the hating of burritos to those of us who really hate burritos. Don't co-op my burrito hate for your stupid pop-culture credentials. You were all too happy to slurp down the bloated food-cocks before it became fashionable to hate the fucking shit out of burritos, it's like, don't change up now.


    1. God I wish I had a pair of I Hate Burritos shoes. +1

    2. [Looks up from work]

      Yes, but what about enchiladas? Those have cheese on 'em!

      [Returns to answering fan mail]