Friday, January 13, 2012

Hack Daniels (Profiles in Commenters who Aren't as Good as MKM: Bevraj of Choice)

Let's just get the elephant in the room out of the way up front: yes, about two weeks ago, Bevraj of Choice was named Deadspin Commenter of the Year.  But, you have to understand, Bev wound up getting the COTY for the same reason that Christian Ponder wound up being a first-round draft pick: because none of the top choices were available.  You see, 2011 was an interesting year for Deadspin commenters.  Following the Gawker account hack in late 2010 and the -- charitably -- Netflix-esque redesign rollout in early 2011, the Deadspin commenting bench was shallower than Kim Kardashian wearing a Louis Vuitton bikini in a drained kiddie pool at the Palms Las Vegas.  If you were a Deadspin commenter and had any redeeming qualities whatsoever, you basically took off the first half of 2011.  The absence of talent left the commenting landscape wide open for Bev to haplessly plug along, picking up +1s from the IPCs and Phintastics of the world.  Then, when MBA gloriously arrived on the scene, and those with actual skill returned to the site in droves, Bevraj faded anonymously into the background while hot commodities like DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver and shuttledik soaked up the attention he had traditionally received (a quick review of the positive mentions on MBA establishes that, during the time people were actually trying to be funny, Bev had significantly fewer than either me or MKM -- but, of course, MKM trumps everyone).

After cheese-mac killed MBA, and the quality of commenting on the site dropped off again, Bev showed up again, like the proverbial turtle taking the lead in a race in which all the rabbits have long since quit running because they're off at a party at the Playboy mansion or something.   Enjoy the exercise, bro!

So, Bev, I raise my glass to you.  Enjoy the COTY, buddy.   And I hear the Vikings are looking for a quarterback, if you're interested.  They probably still have some of Favre's old equipment that would fit you perfectly.

MKM > Bevraj of Choice.


  1. Frank, is that you? Why don't you ever call me anymore? What am I, chopped liver?!

    [jerks off while Jack Kennedy bangs Ava Gardner]

  2. Creepy Guy Who Sexualizes EverythingJanuary 13, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    Bevraj of Choice tastes great going down!

  3. Oh come on, I hear that the other guys were deserving. TDK is funny and I hear that EMS guy has a huge cock. Compared to fowl that is. All relative, haters!

    -NOT EMS

  4. Other Catchphrases From Godfather That Never Caught On.January 13, 2012 at 8:59 PM

    Solid gold telephone.

  5. Gray Commenter That Steals Jokes From RedditJanuary 13, 2012 at 9:04 PM

    If Tim Tebow has a thought, is it a Christian Ponder?

  6. EMS does have a huge cock.

  7. Yeah, but the guy is hung like a horse. Well, a My Little Pony.

  8. The Real Phin, For RealJanuary 13, 2012 at 9:15 PM

    Why do I keep getting bashed in these? Suck a Uwe, IMG.

  9. Guy Getting A Golden Shower From A Feral Cat While Licking The Open Sore Of A Leper, Who Is Also A Red Sox FanJanuary 13, 2012 at 9:21 PM

    You, sir, disgust me.

  10. Guy w/ No Jokes WhatsoeverJanuary 13, 2012 at 9:33 PM

    Sure, EMS has a huge cock. In his butt!!!! (!!!)

  11. Superಠ_ಠBMWFanboy4evrJanuary 13, 2012 at 10:09 PM

    Fucking liberul asshole. Why don;t you get off the welfare and get a job. Oh that's right your too busy suck a Obamas cock in the back of his prius.

  12. More like do bi at night, amirite?

    1. Gawker Commenter With An Impressive Tertiary DegreeJanuary 13, 2012 at 10:30 PM


  13. This site was so much better before IMG took it over. Now the writing and commenting blows. I hate the format changes too.