Friday, February 10, 2012

MKM Open Thread (Feb. 10, 2012)

Welcome to your MKM Blog open thread for February 10, 2012, the day you learned the hard way that people who say "it smells like something died in there" really need to be more specific about what it is and how it died. 

Hey, Happy Friday, everyone. Here's to our first weekend without football in ... ohmigod our entire life is a simply a void that is superficially fulfilled by the sight of men - real men, the sort of men that we could never be - concussing one another on a field of battle, which somehow legitimizes our pathetic existence in a schadenfreude-driven psychosis that allows those of us who have accomplished nothing in our lives to feel better because we can sit in our pajamas and anonymously type snide comments, that are read by almost no one, mocking those superhuman men who have actually achieved something with their lives, and possess the sort of courage we only experience by osmosis while watching fantasy movies on our parents' VCR.

Doesn't look like there's much in the way of boxing either.

Chat it up, you little bitches.  Here's a Youtube clip to get you started.


38 comments:

  1. A mildly-peeved starred commenterFebruary 10, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    http://deadspin.com/5883980/tennessee-state-ends-murray-states-undefeated-season-by-flopping-its-way-to-victory?comment=46871093#comments

    that's smart to shit your pants, guy, because that's the body's natural reaction upon having the neck broken. Save yourself some time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't even begin to imagine the thought process that went into that. I choose to believe its some sort of performance art.

      Delete
  2. Hrrm. Someone bitchy is killing stars, hmm?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what does that mean

      Delete
  3. with all of his JPG posting is StF actively trying to lose his star

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, STF, you're the belle of the ball around here lately.

      Delete
    2. His first one in the Lin post was quite good, though.

      Delete
    3. Yeah, simply posting a JPG isn't the issue. Posting a JPG that merely points out some pop culture reference, or posting a JPG that is a joke from somewhere else, or posting a JPG that isn't a part of and contributes to the execution an original joke is the issue.

      Delete
    4. /Takes deep, deep bow
      //To laptop, to find appropriate "R U MAD BRO?" gif

      Delete
    5. The only problem with StF posting pics is that other people will think they too can post pics while being funny and will be wrong. And if you're going to be unfunny...you do not want a video or picture bringing attention to how unfunny you are being.

      But other then insidebaseball, there is literally no comment that is out of bounds. But if you post a picture, or a video, or any tired cliche (Sandusky; YYNY; In Russia X Y's you; etc), it had better be funny. And it can't be funny just because the video is funny and tangentially related. Because that makes us all look bad.

      Delete
  4. http://deadspin.com/5859371/nba-talks-break-off-players-will-disband-union-everything-is-awful?comment=44368008#comments

    ReplyDelete
  5. IN CASE NOBODY KNOWS, TODAY IS STEAL A JOKE DAY! WE HAVE TWO EXAMPLES TO BRING UP, SO SIT BACK AND ENJOY.

    FIRST UP FROM THREE DAYS AGO, STUART SCOTT'S EYE KNOCKED ONE OUT OF THE PARK, GETTING MUCH DESERVED PRAISE!

    http://deadspin.com/5883159/jerry-sanduskys-neighbors-say-hes-been-watching-children-from-his-back-porch?comment=46766951#comments

    THEN TODAY, THIS MORON DID THE SAME JOKE, AND WAS RIGHTFULLY IGNORED! NICKLY? MORE LIKE SICKLY! IAMRITE.

    http://deadspin.com/5884032/jerry-sandusky-just-wants-to-walk-his-dog-[update]?comment=46876183#comments

    NEXT UP, THIS ONE PAINS ME BECAUSE I THINK STEVE U IS TOP FUCKING NOTCH...AND MAYBE IT'S A COINKYDINK BUT LET'S GO TO THE CHARGES! STEVE U GETS LAUDED MIGHTILY FOR THIS....

    http://deadspin.com/5884011/jeremy-lin-dominates-other-nba-players-in-planking?comment=46872906#comments

    WHILE BEVERAJ (THE COTY GUY) DID THIS A COUPLE MONTHS AGO...

    http://deadspin.com/5859371/nba-talks-break-off-players-will-disband-union-everything-is-awful?comment=44368008#comments

    I GUESS I CAN MAYBE GIVE STEVE A PASS BECAUSE IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS, BUT I WON'T. IT'S INEVITABLE JOKES WILL GET REPEATED, BUT DAMN THESE ARE PRETTY EGREGIOUS. CHECK BACK HERE LATER FOR MORE UPDATES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man, I try not to get too down on folks when this happens. A while back I got accused of stealing a joke that was like six months old. As obsessed as most of us are with this commenting thing, it's just impossible to remember every joke that was ever made. And, god forbid you miss a couple days and don't get caught up.

      Steve_U is a fantastic commenter, and I don't believe for a second that he did that on purpose. I'm even willing to give Nickly the benefit of the doubt, since he's just not around a lot. BoC and Steve_U coming up with the same thing isn't too surprising since they're both great commenters, but maybe it says a little more about me that a guy who is generally not too good can come up with the same thing (unless he stole it on purpose - in which case, FUCK YOU, NICKLY!)

      Delete
    2. Actually, I think I just stole this "maybe it says more about me" line from someone, but I can't remember who. Oh well.

      Delete
    3. Hopefully, you stole that line from Nickly. IT'S THE CIRRRRRRRRRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE

      Delete
    4. It's BOUND to happen, not least because sports stories-- both the specific one and certain templates-- surface and resurface with such frequency, and people-- especially people who are both operating at a high-level-- will have similar ideas. (I'll go so far as to say Steve U's may even work just a tiny bit better, because the nautical component of the post adds just a little more stuff on which the material can hook.)

      Delete
    5. To further pain you-

      http://deadspin.com/5881281/this-is-a-kraftwerk-pun-on-the-cover-of-sports-illustrated?comment=46569927#comments

      http://deadspin.com/5824893/jeff-saturday-on-hugging-it-out?comment=41306052#comments

      Do also note Cobra's use of "Funny" rather than a +1 on the first post. Damn right you thought it was funny, you did it first.

      Delete
    6. That shit happens all the time. BELIEVE ME. And, hell, I'm sure I've made some comments that were more than similar to ones that Steve U and others have made. That's what happens when you see thousands upon thousands of jokes every month. Now, it does suck to see the second iteration receive a waterfall of +1's while the original received none. That hurts a bit, but obviously everyone has their favorite commentors. With that in mind, the commentariat can eat a bag of dicks*. I'm just joking. Just one dick each will do.

      *I made up that saying too. I swear.

      Delete
    7. These write ups of yours are really irritating. I thought you were just trolling but it seems like your actually trying to put some semblance of work into it now.

      You're wrong. Jokes get repeated, some of the best jokes have been people riffing on other people's work. And not everyone reads every post. Similar posts are going to see a lot of similar jokes being riffed on...which is why it's so much fun to see people find a surprising direction take on tired posts (like the water bill posts).

      Delete
    8. I'll remove the caps lock. Here's what I'm getting at...yes, sometimes jokes are going to get repeated, obviously. Three days after the fact is bullshit. I was messing with Steve U, but that guy is so prolific that I'd bet he'd read that Bow/Stern thing and it was hidden away in a crevice of his brain. That's not stealing. Nickly sucks, so he probably was.

      Would these be less irritating if they weren't in all caps, or if I called myself StreetCheese or Shitehawk? It's all the same shit, and StreetJustice isn't allowed on the site, so I'm bringing the hammer down here. I don't care if people don't like it.

      Delete
    9. Yes, they'd be less irritating if they weren't in all caps.

      Yes, they'd be less irritating if you didn't call your "ANGRY STARRED ASSHOLE".

      Yes, they'd still be irritating.

      Delete
    10. You're making connections/judgments here that lead me to think that you're not terribly mature or just not terribly circumspect. So I'll try to be semi-nice here. (Under my own "name," because that's the kind of guy _I_ try to be.)

      Just because a similar-- or even identical-- joke structure occurred in two separate places doesn't mean that it's a priori evidence of stealing, or even unconscious lifting. (As far as bits of knowledge go, "Bow and stern" and the fact that David Stern is an autocrat aren't exactly a patented-and-sequestered genome sequence; I'd venture to say that, in a timeless figurative vacuum, maybe a quarter of the starred populace could come up with some iteration of that joke on their own.)

      Just because Nickly's been mostly... not the sort of thing most commenters aspire to when they first strap themselves in on the basement futon, that doesn't mean that he/she is incapable of an interesting or innovative construction from time to time, and that the first time he/she makes a joke that seems like a strong echo, it's a willful theft. Synchronous thinking happens all the time-- in stand-up comedy, in technological R & D, and virtually every other realm of human creation; frankly, it's sort of stupid-- not to mention, shitty-- to automatically impute motive to something that's likely entirely accidental, or coincidental.

      Just because you pull comments and point... well, that doesn't make you Shitehawk (or StreetCheese, for that matter).

      Delete
    11. I Could Live Here SureFebruary 10, 2012 at 4:19 PM

      Oh, come on. It's much smaller than a hammer.

      Delete
    12. HEY STF, DO YOU TALK LIKE YOU WRITE? DOUBTFUL. EVEN CYRUS DOESN'T TALK LIKE THAT, AND HE'S A PRETENTIOUS ASS. I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT ABOUT COMMENTERS I FIND SHITTY, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT.

      Delete
    13. That's very true. I'll probably still be able to smell it from here, though.

      Best of luck in your future endeavors!

      Delete
    14. Neither Cyrus, nor STF, nor FatLeaveher. Just a less angry starred assholeFebruary 10, 2012 at 6:32 PM

      In what world is Cyrus pretentious? He might have a propensity for obscure references, but those are amusing if not quite funny enough to get an avalanche of +1s. Or are you referring to DUAN? Yes, he talks about cooking a lot with some high-falutin ingredients, but that makes him one of about a dozen people who do the same. And, people keep asking for his recipes, so some must find it valuable. What are you contributing to the site?

      We get it, you are angry. And of course write whatever you want. But, you certainly run the risk of being tuned out or not taken seriously when you just make all-caps personal attacks without any real justification besides "I find them shitty" or "I don't like pictures."

      Most of us avoid ESPN comment section because it is filled with people like you whose mantra is "I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT." If that is the level of discourse you aspire to, then have at it, but don't expect to be taken any more seriously than we take those loud-mouth idiots.

      Delete
    15. ANGRY STARRED ASSHOLEFebruary 10, 2012 at 7:01 PM

      ROGER THAT! I'D HATE TO BE TUNED OUT.

      Delete
    16. Really late to this fun little gathering, but I'd like to point out that I replied to Steve U's joke as "funny" because I thought it was funny, thus my form of +1 in this instance. The term "Kraft Single" was hardly a reach, and Steve U's version was quite a bit different than my approach I took. Further, I don't think Steve U is guilty of stealing or copying jokes, perhaps it's just the frequency of his comments that result in similarities between a joke of his and another. That is all.

      /Sweet site, IMG!

      Delete
  6. HOPEFULLY THIS TEACHES A LOT OF A LESSON!

    http://deadspin.com/5884047/finally-peyton-mannings-face-in-every-nfl-logo?comment=46878541#comments

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *OF YOU!

      I GOT SO EXCITED I MADE A TYPO. FUCK OFF.

      Delete
    2. Oof. Talk about a rapid fall from grace.

      Delete
  7. HEY, TELECOMIC. KOBE BEEF IS FROM JAPAN, LIN IS CHINESE. THANKS FOR PLAYING.

    http://deadspin.com/5884058/kobe-bryant-has-never-heard-of-linsanity?comment=46879813#comments

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just throwing it out there, but isn't a starred asshole a little redundant?

      Delete
  8. I HAVE TO POST THIS ANONYMOUSLY AND IN ALL CAPS SO HE CAN NEVER SAY I SAID THIS BUT WHEN HE IS ON RAYSISM IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS

    ReplyDelete
  9. Way to go ScottyB.

    http://deadspin.com/5883852/readers-sound-off-youll-never-be-half-the-man-joe-paterno-was-seor-dickcheese?comment=46881848#comments

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm really disappointed in the bent of the comments today. I mean, not one reference to the YouTube clip I posted. Not one?

    Also, I think it's fair to say that we've all accidentally repeated a joke that someone else did before us. There are some people (obviously not Steve U) who seem to do it, shall we say, more often than others?

    Yes, I'm talking to you, Same Sad Echo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. IMG, SORRY IF MY BLUNTNESS IS AFFECTING YOUR BUSINESS, BUT LET'S BE HONEST HERE...I'M INCREASING YOUR TRAFFIC, LIKE CYRUS AND FAT LEAVHER DO FOR DEADSPIN.

      Delete
    2. Don't worry. I could never quit you.

      Delete