Wednesday, February 22, 2012

MKM Open Thread (Feb. 22, Part Deux)

Welcome to your MKM Blog open thread for February 22, 2012, for real this time

My apologies for the dating error on yesterday's thread, truly my worst dating error since Excite.com personals ceased to be. I guess I am more eager for this vacation to be over than even I knew. I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere in my late 20s, I lost the ability to consume a handle of Jim Beam in a single sitting, and still manage to make it into work an hour or do later. Now that I'm in my early 30s, it seems like having anything more than a glass of wine with dinner means that I won't be entirely functional that week and I will wake up the next morning feeling like a cross between a beached whale and a jockey cutting those last few pounds. Anywho, expect lots of shiny content coming soon.

Chat like the wind (Lin'd?)

59 comments:

  1. Stickinandmovin really covers some new ground here.

    http://deadspin.com/5887258/brady-quinn-got-kind-of-screwed-on-his-tebow-comments

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    Replies
    1. The worst part of Stickinandmovin's joke was that he clumsily dumped it out and didn't even do anything creative with that concept beyond shouting out the obvious connection.

      Delete
    2. That's a pretty solid play on the guy's name. Maybe it could have been tighter ("Not the first time he's been screwed by Silver" or something) but, Mr. Anonymous, this is the joke you feel deserves being called out when there are things like this out there:

      http://deadspin.com/5887247/doug-gottlieb-talks-kid-behind-him-says-something-else?comment=47241119#comments

      Delete
    3. @cheese-mac

      I fucking knew that was what you were linking before I even checked. Urrrgggh...

      Delete
    4. Actually, I take it back. That is a really good joke. I didn't even pick up on the thirty pieces/articles double meaning at first glance.

      Delete
    5. @dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

      Yep. That's a bad one. As per Stickinandmovin's post, it wasn't that his premise was bad. It was, in fact, a good one. I just liked it better when BringBackAnthonyMason did it, and did it better, yesterday

      -notAnthonyMason

      Delete
    6. Things are getting pretty catty in here if we are--in your case, anonymously--calling out people for "stealing" jokes from different days. I could understand if it was the same post, though even that sometimes happens innocently. I don't anything about this stickinmovin guy, but this seems a little rough--for instance, I did not see Mason's joke either.

      As for which one is better, different strokes for different folks I guess, I like the sort of lyrical quality of "Silver thirty pieces..."

      Delete
    7. Nah, you're right. I'm grasping at straws here. It's about 100 degrees in my office, I've got no work to do, and I'm battling a hellish hangover. Not in a good place. As far as the anonymous thing, I'm just figuring out how to post on here. In case you were wondering, I'm the least talented starred commenter on the site, SnarkyCianfrocco.

      If anyone could tell me how to post under my name-- and give me a good reason to go home early from work, I'm all ears.

      Delete
    8. @Snarky, when you click on "Reply as" just select "name/URL" and you can type in whatever name you want.

      I'm with cheese-mac here, but I cannot excuse poppanegyric making the exact same joke later in the thread. It isn't that long of a thread - reading down takes 2 minutes (and is amusing given David_Hume and ReverseApeChemist's work, among others).

      As for going home early, just say that you promised God afternoon prayers as part of Lent. Dare them to call you on it.

      Delete
    9. Bring Back Anthony MasonFebruary 22, 2012 at 12:15 PM

      Thank you for defending my honor, Snarky.

      My Silver joke yesterday was kind of awkward, because I knew there was something there but I didn't know best how to word it; I also rushed it because I figured if I, a lapsed Jewish guy, could make that connection, everybody could. The fact that multiple people made that joke today, while I was (I think) the only one trying to make it yesterday makes me think that my connection yesterday was kind of forced. Anyway, stickinandmovin's wording was definitely more elegant than mine (as is his user icon) and I liked his joke, along with Steve_U's.

      -BBAM (posting for the first time in this thread, for the record)

      Delete
    10. BBAM,

      Just as an fyi, I wasn't disparaging your comment or anything. I think you're pretty good. Just didn't think the other guy's comment warranted being called out.

      Delete
    11. Amnesiac Cheese Mac,

      It's cool, I didn't think you were.

      Delete
  2. HAHA!!1!!1 IT'S FUNNY CUZ HE'S A PUBLIKIN!!1!1!!

    http://deadspin.com/5887172/this-seton-hall-fans-likely-to-regret-his-attempt-at-court+storming?comment=47237646#comments

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    Replies
    1. Anyone New To DeadspinFebruary 22, 2012 at 11:55 AM

      "Featured comment?" That guy nailed it. Finally found a place that will appreciate my ultra-clever Palin jokes!

      Delete
    2. A Person Who Does Not Actively Choose To Get Upset About Stupid Things, Unlike The Rest Of YouFebruary 22, 2012 at 12:06 PM

      You do realize it's only the featured comment because it's the only non-pink comment on the entire post, right? What the hell else should be the "featured" comment?

      A lot of these complaints about the "featured comment" feature are pretty stupid. It only shows the most recent comment as the "featured comment" when you're using the ass-backwards Blog View, which precisely 0% of the site's new readers will use, because they'd only know it existed if they were pre-redesign readers specifically looking for some clunky, regressive, old-fashioned way of viewing the site. For those using the non-retarded standard view, the featured comment is whichever starred or promoted comment got the most replies.

      Delete
    3. As has been pointed out numerous times, the algorithm for Featured Comment is evidently not that simple, and may not even be totally automated.

      But I think the point isn't that the Featured Comment should have been something else on the thread, only that the comment in particular doesn't really put the commentariat's best foot forward. It may have been the only option, but it wasn't very good.

      Delete
    4. I'm going through posts right now, and every single time I click the "Featured" button I see the starred or promoted comment that has the most replies. When there are two with the same number of replies, I see the one with the most starred or promoted replies. When there are two with the same number of starred or promoted replies, I see the earlier of the two.

      If you think there is a Deadspin employee going through and manually selecting the featured comment for each post, you are beyond help.

      The more important question is: why does anyone give a shit about this?

      Delete
    5. Anyone New To DeadspinFebruary 22, 2012 at 12:28 PM

      @BronzeHammer

      That is exactly the point. Thank you.

      @APWDNACTwhatever

      I'm pretty sure the only one who is actually emotionally riled up about this is you. I'm sorry that this issue exceeds the "stupidity" level that you consider appropriate from a blog that is primarily devoted to trading childish barbs and over-analyzing the snarky comments made by people with fake names on a website known for dick jokes.

      Delete
    6. SHOW US YOUR TITS! YEAAAAH, BABY!

      Delete
    7. Featured comment is totally automated and should probably be taken with a very large grain of salt.

      Delete
    8. @APWDNACTGUASTUTROY

      As ANTD has said, you seem more upset than anyone. I couldn't care less whether or not my comment is featured. Most people don't read Deadspin that way, anyway, as you point out. But you're wrong about how it works, here are examples it took me about 5 minutes to find:

      1. Uwe is Featured despite having 0 replies and being later than the 1-reply-each comments by Raysism and DJ Jazzy Jeff.

      2. Echo is Featured despite not being either the earliest comment with 1 reply, or the comment with the most replies.

      3. IMG is featured after being replied to by Petchesky, even though there is a promoted comment with more replies.

      Those guys are obviously some of the best and brightest commenters around, and I wouldn't care if they were featured every time. They deserve it. But they're all obvious counterexamples to the rules of Featured Comments, as you've laid them out.

      *I have just now reloaded to see that Cheese Mac has said it's fully automated. I agree, it is not very important. But at any rate, I do not understand the formula, or else it doesn't work well 100% of the time.

      Delete
    9. I don't give a shit about any of this, but I note that you guys could be talking about two different "featured comments": the one on the main page to the right of the article, and the one within the article when you clicked "Show Featured".

      Delete
    10. @Raysism

      I think you're talking about the Blog View, which I have never used, but appears to feature the most recent comment to the right of the article. I was, indeed, talking about the more mysterious Featured Comment in the post itself.

      Delete
  3. In honor of the 20 year anniversary of the 1992 Olympics, give me your DS Commenter Dream Team. Five starters, five reserves, plus two young guys. Should be based on current ability but with a nod to historical greatness.

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    Replies
    1. This is coming from a newb, but here is my two cents. Please don't crucify me for this.

      Starters

      AzureTexan
      BeverajofChoice
      RMJ
      TDK
      IronMike

      Reserves

      Uwe
      Gamboa
      SteveU
      Raysism
      IMG

      Young Guys

      Mantis
      4thMolinaBrother (Christian Laettner)

      Delete
    2. For not including EMS, Steve U, or Hume on your list, you deserve a fate worse than crucifixion.

      Also, you have IronMike as both a starter and a reserve.

      Delete
    3. Amateur psychologist time:

      You have IMG twice on there; did you mean to write EMS as a reserve, but put the wrong 3 letter abbreviation down because you are on his blog, and can't get his sexy, sexy icon out of your mind?

      Delete
    4. I said I was having a bad day. Thank god I don't actually have work to do.

      I do have Steve U on there, and as for Hume, I'm pretty new to the site. I know he's been around and has his fans, but I haven't seen a ton of his posts. EMS was a glaring oversight on my part.

      Delete
    5. Starters:

      Eddie Murray Sparkles
      Steve U
      Bevraj of Choice
      Theodore Donald Kerabatsos
      David Hume

      Reserves:

      UweBollocks
      IronMikeGallego
      Same Sad Echo
      RMJ=H
      Raysism

      Young Guys:
      Mantis Toboggan M.D.
      Reverse Ape Chemist

      Delete
    6. Let me propose an alternative: what athlete do you identify with a commenter? For example, I'd say TDK is like Josh Hamilton, he only plays half the games buy he's deadly whenever he shows up, and also has a devastating substance abuse problem. Steve_U is like a prime Ichiro, plays every game, always makes contact, even can pop a big one here and there. All Over But The Sharting is like the guy who sets up the post game spread in the locker room, etc.

      Delete
    7. Here's my starting five:

      AzureTexan
      Hatey
      TDK
      RMJ
      SteveU

      And coming off the bench:

      Lionel Osbourne
      Uwe
      Gamboa
      Raysism
      IMG

      And the two young guns:

      Reverse Ape
      Robot Jerry Rice

      Delete
    8. @IronMike: you know I'm just bringing carryout, right? From Bertucci's. Nothing but the best.

      @Everyone else: What's the deal with two people not including Sparkles? That's nuts. Dude is the only the two-time reigning COTY and quite possibly the greatest ever to do it.

      I don't want to make a list, just because I'd hate to hurt any feelings, but there's no damn way Sparkles wouldn't be on it.

      Delete
    9. People that always make me laugh, yet we don't see enough of them:

      Mattingly's Burns
      Dandy Koufax
      Gourmet Spud
      In Re Hightower
      Sonar Jose
      Scientific Mapp
      ClintoPortishead
      On The TwelfthNight of Lloyd Christmas.

      People who I would love to see post something, if anything, something shit in DUAN:

      Polk Panther
      Tastes_Like_Burning
      Norbizness
      Armen Tamzarian
      Eddie Sutton's SOCO
      Medicated World Peace
      Prick Top
      TitansFan78
      Maloik
      Bird Law
      Achiever
      Dr. James Andrews
      Fendi
      DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver
      Donte Stallworth Driving School

      Delete
    10. -The 4th Molina Brother
      -Tyler Bray's Back Tattoo
      -A Pimp Named Dave R
      -LBabe
      -Hatey McLife

      Delete
    11. @IMG:
      Not to step on your toes, but I'd make Phintastic Josh Hamilton: Obviously extremely talented, but problems staying at highest level. For identical reasoning as yours, TDK is a young Doc Gooden.

      And I can't find it, but a lot of you will know what I mean: That short-lived victim of the comment_ninja's epic Price is Right fail horn is Bobby Hurley.

      Delete
    12. just a regular readerFebruary 22, 2012 at 1:25 PM

      Can you please give me some examples of Phintastic being "extremely talented"?

      Delete
    13. Phin is Steve Howe, end of story.

      I'd make CPH Doc Gooden.

      Delete
    14. Another long time readerFebruary 22, 2012 at 1:31 PM

      That's a really good list, Cobra. I like all of the dudes you listed, but my distilled version would be:

      Dearly departing/departed commenters:

      Fendi Hotdogbun
      Mattinglys Sideburns
      Sci Mapp
      DJ Jeff Weaver
      Sonar Jose
      Lloyd Xmas
      Doug Dascenzo's only fan.

      Clinton Portishead, Spud & Stev D are immortal, so don't cry for them - they'll be back whenever they see fit.

      The commenter formerly known as Cheese Mac was a funny MFer when he was a commenter. His voice is sort of notably absent.

      Delete
    15. Mattinglys Sideburns seems to have made a return over the last few days and hasn't missed a beat. Sonar Jose has also been relatively active with good effect. But I'd definitely like to see DJ Jeff around more. Also Bobby Big Wheel.

      The two guys that I'm surprised haven't been mentioned above are Weed vs. Speed among the immortals and Maverick Is Airborne among the (relatively) recent stars. But, I don't know who I'd knock off the list (especially off of any list that doesn't include EMS, which is insane). Perhaps we need to go for an NFL roster?

      Delete
    16. I've always said I was the Chris Mullin of commenting.

      Delete
    17. Also, IMG, I'm going with Sheed's Bald Spot as Ozzie Guillen -- always seems a little bit angry, says whatever the hell he wants, and never fails to make me laugh.

      Delete
    18. SuperLongTimeReaderFebruary 22, 2012 at 1:56 PM

      @robinwilliamsfan:

      Whether you like what Hatey has done recently from a taste perspective, you'd have to bend yourself into a pretzel to try to argue against the point that Hatey, when he's totally on, can be absolutely astounding, and he has made some of the most legendary jokes on the site. This is the first thing that popped into my head, and that's barely scratching the surface: http://deadspin.com/5651388/who-wants-to-see-a-dead-mouse-found-in-a-loaf-of-bread?comment=29947799#comments
      Comparing him to fucking LBabe is absolutely ludicrous, and makes you look like someone who thinks a Pen and Pixel album cover is art comparable to a Renoir.

      Delete
    19. Renoir? I'm actually more Rubenesque.

      Delete
    20. ModeratelyLongTimeReaderFebruary 22, 2012 at 2:07 PM

      I'll second that. Hatey has had single months in which he's made more great jokes than many longtime commenters have in their entire body of work. If you want to say, "I think Hatey is frequently overrated" or "I think Hatey's been off his game recently," that's one thing. We might not all agree about it, but it wouldn't be completely unreasonable. Lumping him in with LBabe and the rest is just flat stupid.

      Delete
    21. When I first started commenting on Deadspin, Hatey was the commenter I tried to emulate, as a means of finding my "voice". Obviously, there is only one Hatey, and say what you will about him, but having his brand of comedy at the extreme end of the spectrum helps those at the other end as well. For every time that a Hatey comment makes you cringe, a Vodkanaut joke will make you want to hug one of your kids.

      There are a bevy of different comedic angles on Deadspin, let's not slag a veteran and pigeonhole him with those other aforementioned commenters. Anyways, there's a real ebb and flow to commenting on this site. We can't all be like EMS, who can find a witty pun or analogy in anything. Jesus, even I've had a hot day, followed by one of strictly banal Heather Mills jokes - but I mean, what do you expect, I begged for my star no. Point is; we all have our ups and downs.

      Delete
    22. If we were doing baseball rosters, I'd put The Mentalist out in left field.

      Delete
    23. @DubaiAtNight - that's absurd. Sheed could never be anyone but Sheed.

      MKM is David Beckham, right?

      Delete
    24. @ just a regular reader

      I'm sure Phintastic is extremely talented at sucking guys off.

      Delete
    25. @IMG My problem with Sheed's Bald Spot = Real Sheed is that SBS is a bit more "loveably angry" and a bit less "throw a ball at a teammates head just for fun angry."

      So, I stand by my comparison. And, then, obviously Hatey = Sheed.

      Delete
  4. I THOUGHT WE ALL AGREED THAN ANYONE WHO STARTED COMMENTING BEFORE JANUARY 1 2012 WAS HOT GARBAGE AND SHOULD BE SCORNED.

    ReplyDelete
  5. P- Bugs Bunny
    C- Bugs Bunny
    1B- Bugs Bunny
    2B- Bugs Bunny
    3B- Bugs Bunny
    SS- Bugs Bunny
    LF- Bugs Bunny
    CF- Bugs Bunny
    RF- Bugs Bunny

    /wanking motion

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey guys. Fairly certain I'm about to be banned from Jezebel.

    http://jezebel.com/5887332/this-casket-photo-of-whitney-houstons-dead-body-is-now-on-newsstands-everywhere?comment=47251705#comments

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    Replies
    1. Doubtful. That would require them to first look for, and then actually get, the joke.

      Not unlike my own contribution there.

      Delete
    2. That's why I was so surprised to see your star there. Obviously you're funny, but do they know it? Also, it made me wonder how many Deadspin guys have been able to get starred on other Gawker sites. I would think i09 and LifeHacker would be pretty hard, but I have no idea.

      Delete
    3. Ha! I didn't even see your comment. I think they're largely going unnoticed because that's the most Jezebely Jezebel comment section I've ever seen. They're too busy trying to be the millionth person to point out how Jezebel also published the picture and are therefore no better than the Enquirer.

      They seem like fun people.

      Delete
    4. +1's all around. Tasteless jokes on Jezebel make me laugh 8.5 times harder because of how "prickly" the commentariat can be over there.

      Delete
    5. I really expected a stronger response than I got as well. Someone actually liked my joke.

      Delete
  7. My mom said I was extremely talented when I was growing up.

    And I have had at least one comment get double digit +1s....maybe 2!

    ReplyDelete