Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Contagion: MKM Edition

I don't know if any of you people work with other people who have children, but I do, and fuck those miserable breeders.  Everyone has spent the last two weeks bitching about how their ugly, bratty children are wrestling with some loathsome disease that is undoubtedly the product of the same sort of lax parenting that they display when they bring their hideous children to the office and pretend not to notice when said ugly, bratty children are running amok, ripping up important irreplaceable documents and eating out of my garbage can.  Anyway, their worthless little disease vectors finally got me this morning, and I feel like hell.

All of which brings me to my point: perfectly done, BBAM.  That's how you take a traditional format and manage to do something entirely original and hysterical with it.  I've mentioned that we're going to have a tournament of commenters on this site soon, and this comment will definitely be a part of it.

6 comments:

  1. Listen asshole, I'm a parent and when my kids are sick, I don't let them go to school and infect other kids so the shit gets passed around like UweBollocks at a Turkish bathhouse, unlike those idiot parents who don't give a shit whether or not their little germ balls spread their viruses all over town. So don't group every parent into your sad, little rant. And more than likely you have one of those office heroes at wherever you work who shows up no matter how sick they are to show they are ALL IN FOR THE COMPANY, BRO! and get everyone else sick.

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    1. I work in a small office - there are only 6 of us total - and I can't determine which is worse. The "ALL IN FOR THE COMPANY" person, the "my sick kid is running wild" person, or the "my kid is sick, I have to go" person.

      The only one I encounter is the third, and she gets somewhat of a pass because she is a single mom. However, her kid is ALWAYS sick, and I highly doubt the words "toughen up" have ever left her mouth. I've been here for 4 years, and it's somewhat amazing how often she has had to leave work because her child was sick at school.

      Here's the kicker, the kid is now a junior in high school with a driver's license and car, and it still hasn't subsided. The kid is 17 years old, and she still goes to every one of his doctors appointments, and the outcome is almost always the same, "They're not sure what's wrong with him exactly, so he's just going to rest for a couple of days and see if that works."

      I obviously can't call the kid out on faking it to her - though I've subtlety alluded to it before - but at what point should someone say to her that her son should probably just toughen up a little?

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    2. The Real Phin, For RealMarch 15, 2012 at 12:10 PM

      Mrs. Phin and I have friends whose kids are always sick. The only thing I can think is they are shitty parents. Our kids get sick once in a while, of course, but I've actually told her to cut people out because their goddammed kids are alway snotty nosed or coughing or just look like they have one foot in the grave..and ready to infect my offspring. Take care of your kids, for fuck's sake. It's not that hard. I really don't like most other people's kids and that shit doesn't help.

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  2. My kids don't get sick because we eat healthy, live in 365 days of warm weather, and they run 15 miles a week.

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    1. Your kids are also really My Little Pony figurines, but tomato, tomahto.

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    2. BoC, MD, DDS* *Dumb-Dumb-StupidMarch 15, 2012 at 5:55 PM

      They also don't get ear infections because you don't let them listen to music through those damn, filth-ridden ear buds whilst running said 15 miles.

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