Thursday, July 26, 2012

MKMOT (July 26, 2012)

So, the other day, I was at the grocery store buying my usual staples of cottage cheese, Lean Pockets, and assorted toys/figurines, and I rightfully decided to take my nine items to the express lane. To the best of my understanding, this lane is specifically designed to accommodate those of us who are in a hurry, and conduct our business at a reasonable toys/figurines per transaction ratio. So I ask you; friends, Portuguese, and Guy Whos, why the FUCK is Granny Gertrude allowed to pull out her checkbook? I've got places to be (my toy room), Toots!

Contemplate this, and other travesties of societal injustice below. Pay to the order of the balog. It's open.


28 comments:

  1. I bet that stupid old biddy pulled out the check register too, so she could write in the transaction right then and there. Old people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to work at a bank.

      Rest assured, she was on her way to have the teller balance that register for her. Oblivious to the line out the door forming behind her.

      Delete
  2. Also, if the Schumaker story doesn't contain the worst collection of comments in the history of Deadspin posts, it comes damn close.

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    Replies
    1. Guy WhoooooooffffffffffTTTJuly 26, 2012 at 9:44 AM

      Jesus Christ those are bad.

      Delete
    2. It's my nerves sir. I, I, I just can't stand the shelling anymore.

      Delete
    3. If I were dead, which I most assuredly am, the quality of the initial post proffered by Deadspin's so-called "writer," would cause me to turn over in my grave, which I cannot, as the dead cannot be animated, regardless of what zombie-based cinema may lead you to believe, which leads me to wonder how, in fact, I am typing this comma-laden sentence at the present time.

      Delete
  3. Hey guys. Me again. Coffee and donuts in the lobby. Enjoy at your leisure.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Universal Enveloping AlgebraJuly 26, 2012 at 11:46 AM

    Any tips on how to break an absolutely crushing commenting dry spell?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yell at the editors for the absolutely dreadful run of bullshit "stories."

      Delete
    2. No trick, just keep commenting and you'll get funny again. Rough patches happen.

      Delete
    3. I KNEW never being funny had its advantages. I never get depressed by hitting a 'dry spell'. It's a way of life.

      Delete
    4. yes, uea. find another all-star, say RMJ=H, to plus +1 you first. then everyone follows suit. actually, raysism is gold like that.

      Delete
  5. Guy who doesn't need another reason to stop visiting deadspinJuly 26, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    Has anyone else's DS become hard to access on their phone since yesterday. Mines doing this thing were the right hand newsbar is separating from the rest of the page when I pinch and zoom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Universal Enveloping AlgebraJuly 26, 2012 at 2:46 PM

      On the full site, yes. I fixed it by changing to "traditional" view (good luck tapping that button).

      Delete
  6. The Amazing SneijdermanJuly 26, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    Was my attempt at a joke here a) not at all funny or b) not clear at all? I kind of feel awkward now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Tis obvious you were referring to the size of the university, not the online enrollment. Timothy may have been pickin' at you. Is the University of Phoenix actually considered a real university?

      Delete
    2. The Amazing SneijdermanJuly 26, 2012 at 3:52 PM

      The joke was that even if you let the guy "finish," he was still wrong because obviously the University of Phoenix offers online classes. I guess it's not really that funny and probably based on the fact I took inspiration from Mr. Hoppes in my research methods.

      Delete
    3. Okay then. [makes note to not critique jokes of people who don't use my own brute strength and ignorance method, and who employ the use of subtlety, which I enjoy immensely even if I have to look stuff up a lot]

      Given that information it was a pretty good joke. Carry on.

      Delete
    4. just read it three times, sneijd, and it didn't resonate. i still don't get the emphasis on "finish." sorry.

      i'm gonna do exactly what you did on every joke i make. i had one from yesterday that i expected to see a 15 in the circle and it came up empty.

      Delete
  7. help an idiot out. sheed's post re: sleeping on airplane. i know eazy died of aids. but i still don't get the glowing part. this hurts not to know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thinks he's just referring to the reflection of the stripes on his arm and shoulders as a ghostly glow. If there's a relationship between glowing and AIDs I'm not aware of it. But I've lived a sheltered life.

      Delete
    2. AIDS, over a long enough time, deposits a collection of a photoactive enzyme (phospholumescent kinase) in your fatty tissue under the epidermis. Under the right frequency of UV light, long-suffering AIDS victims will, in fact, give off a dark blue flourescence.

      Delete
    3. thanks v8. can't +1 anything i don't get right away, but that's pretty clever.

      Delete
  8. I'm glad the deadspin writers haven't taken the kinja discussion push like some of the other gawker sites. There's a few that leave a comment right after posting that reads like a sixth grade reading group discussion question (see Gizmodo's termite post for am example).

    By and large, that's not what we've been getting. Hope it stays that way.

    ReplyDelete