Wednesday, July 4, 2012

MKMOT (July 4th! Suck It Canada!)

Look, I know today is a holiday, and no one is going to be coming by the old balog to comment on comments and commenters, but proper decorum insists on an open thread anyway. Manners!

So as way of enticement, TODAY ONLY I will be offering, FREE OF CHARGE, CJ SpillerYourGuts' EXCLUSIVE SECRET to MAXIMIZING your reading PLEASURE under the new Kinja regime. But in a shameful grab at increased page views*, the secret is after the jump.

Happy Fourth, everybody. If you don't end up at the emergency room, drunk, with a little bit of your pinky missing and deaf in your left ear from a joke you played on a buddy with a M-80, you're doing it wrong.


* I do not know how the internet works. This probably doesn't increase page views.

16 comments:

  1. Here's the secret: if you see a comment from a burner account (as noted by the burner account avatar), DON'T READ IT. They are all fucking terrible.

    You're welcome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eh, there are a few that look like they might have potential. A few. Scattered here and there. Hard to find. Mostly not worth the search...
      Yeah, when you're right, you're right. And a tip:

      Do NOT throw a hissy fit anywhere around that effin' algorithm. It LOVES hissy fits. It will then love you to the point that you want to hang yourself in embarrassment and I promise to never, ever do it again.

      Delete
    2. If you can't be bothered to make an actual commenting account, you ain't getting read.

      Delete
    3. You hear that bluetunic? Your work has only just begun.

      Delete
  2. I have the secret device that allows the new comments to look normal and DUAN not to look like an old-school 1-900 party line with seven dudes chatting aimlessly past each other. But oh no! The Libyans are here and want payment for the plutonium!

    ReplyDelete
  3. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! (me,to liquor store clerk, pointing at Knob Creek)

    Why is everyone celebrating the 4th Molina Brother?

    I'm celebrating my independence from my pants. And this shitty, shitty job. Good riddance. Something something it's open motherfuckers. Your comments are the explosive bottle rockets shot straight out of this dirty asshole of a balog.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ... Took A Shot To The Face At Point-Blank Range

    Is anyone else as excited* to see what the burner accounts do with this one as I am?

    * depressed

    ReplyDelete
  5. What happens when you combine Gizmodo, Kinja, Burner accounts, and a misleading fear-mongering Drudge Report headline?

    'MERICA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frightening. Pogo, you might want to rethink that "We have met the enemy and he is us" thing.

      Delete
  6. I was looking through old "Better Know an Umpire" posts and saw <a href="http://deadspin.com/5911625/better-know-an-umpire-brian-runge?tag=betterknowanumpire</a>a pink gem</a> that I'm not even linking directly to because I don't know if those links work. If you can't read it, here's the comment:

    "This is just a "hatchet" job on the arbiters. These men should know better than to make
    comments to a marginal sports' web-site such as: DEADSPIN. This is all in the guise of some
    pissed-off hacks to vent about the umpires, (absolutely classless).

    I say: have all the replays you want, enjoy your electronic strike-zone toys. You will
    eff up this game into oblivion. Additionally, you will destroy professional umpiring
    in the minor leagues. Nobody is going to put up with low pay and denigrating insults,
    if there is no opportunity to reach the major leagues. [Calling all high school and little
    league umpires--Could you please work our game? Anybody!?!]

    DEADSPIN: Stick to your smarmy, smug, self-loathing, LEast-Coast, perspective on the athletes and executives of sport who narcissistically adore themselves.

    Art Uvaas
    Perris, California"

    Magnificent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, no links work if you're bad at HTML. click here

      Delete
    2. That's a great comment. Speaking of comments, where everybody at? More like DEADspin, amirite?

      Delete
    3. Pretend this is in the Jaworski post:

      Prophet Or Troll?

      Incidentally, Kinja was designed to maximize both in the comments.

      Delete
    4. No problem, bud. I'm used to pretending your comments are somewhere else.

      /+1

      Delete
    5. BBAM, that's fantastic.

      Delete