Thursday, August 16, 2012

MKMOT (August 16, 2012)

With all the advances in modern day medicine, how can there still be no surefire cure for a hangover?

I know what you're saying. "Try aspirin, Marv." Done that, meh. "Eat a single piece of bread." Doesn't work either. "Drink lots of water." If it were that easy, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. "Spin around 8 times with your finger on your nose while singing 'Safety Dance'." I'll get back to you on that one.

If you know a real fix for this problem*, post it below, won't you? Like me to your suggestions, it's open.


*writer's block


66 comments:

  1. Gatorade, adderall, eye drops, shower and shave.

    Put on real clothes, not boxers and a bathrobe, after your shower. This should cure both the hangover and writer's block. Just don't let yourself throw up for an hour or two after taking the adderall. It won't work if you do.

    I should have been a doctor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. IV saline. Your hangover will disappear immediately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seconded. If you've got access to an oxygen tank, that'll speed things along even more... speedily.

      Delete
  3. I wonder how many replies I'll dismiss that amount to just "OMG, I'm high right now!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pack a bowl (for the hangover) and do some free writing (for the writer's block). Like so: http://mitchhedberg.net/free-writing/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Adderall? IV? Bowl?

    I'm a balogger, not a pharmacist!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I had IMG call me an asshole in DUAN on two consecutive nights. I'm doing it right!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You bastard. I heard that song in a bar last night and it's been in my head ever since.

    IT'S LIKE WE'RE CONNECTED MUCH LIKE THE OLD WEALTHY GENTLEMAN AND THE ASSUMABLY-NOT-AS-WELL-OFF BEARDED RUFFIAN IN THE CAR INSURANCE COMMERCIAL.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cyborg Steve LargentAugust 16, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    So one week ago, MBA posts some NPR article about an anthropologist trying to dissect comedy. Next week, Deadspin presents a live chat with the guy even though it has nothing to do with sports at all. This cannot be a coincidence.

    ReplyDelete
  9. YOU MADE A MATH MISTAKE DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU MORAN

    ReplyDelete
  10. Prevention is the key Marv.
    Next time, DON'T DRINK SO DAMN MUCH!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Deadspin running this bit with the comedic anthropologist now that the place is overrun with the very people who hated and resented the "be funny" mandate is... sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Surprised Denton doesn't storm in and say "THIS ISN'T WHAT WE DO HERE ANYMORE!" and pull the plug.

      Delete
  12. Guy Who would prefer to hear the opinions of funny people about comedyAugust 16, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wah Wah Wah. Go fuck yourself.

      I want to hear his opinions on comedy. There are lots of times that I know something is funny, but I'm not sure why that's the case. MS is interested in digging into the particulars moreso than anyone else. I've actually learned how to be funnier by reading him.

      Delete
    2. HOW DARE HE BE EARNESTLY INTERESTED IN A TOPIC AND ENJOY DISCUSSING IT INTELLIGENTLY! THAT SON OF A BITCH.

      Seriously, whoever you are? You're an asshole.

      Delete
    3. Leaving aside how gratuitously shitty this is-- and it is-- and how scaredy-cat these anonymous pokes are-- and they are-- it's just plain dumb. Solid analysis of a thing really isn't necessarily a function of how well the analyst does the thing himself, and a lot of the best insight about a topic comes from those outside the fray, so to speak.


      Delete
    4. If it makes you feel any better, in all the excitement, I'm pretty sure I just tore most of my dick off.

      Delete
    5. @Guy Who

      I don't see why you had to resort to such assholery to put forth your theory that Shitehawk is Raysism.

      Delete
    6. Speaking of Raysism (and ignoring the troll above), I will give him his due. He set me up and took me down beautifully in the chat. I would have walked away in shame, but, you know, the beer wasn't quite empty yet.

      Well done, you egotistical maniac.

      Delete
    7. I'm not sure this is mathematically possible, but MBA would feature many more Raysism comments if I were Shitehawk.

      Delete
    8. @StF:

      Hence the guest commentators on the Tuesday Night Fights.

      Delete
    9. @Dubai:

      Thanks for taking it well. I was actually hoping that the anthromopologist dude would reply with something, and then I'd take it somewhere, but then you replied and I figured I'd just have fun with you.

      Delete
    10. @Raysism

      It was great. I wish I were able to respond better, but I tried three times and essentially became the "well, well ... you're mama's gay!1!" guy.

      In my defense, I am at a bar after deciding that, with only 2 days left in Ramadan, I would try fasting to better appreciate the local customs. It went well, right up until the first vodka at 8pm....

      Delete
  13. Guy Who Likes AnswersAugust 16, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    Still no answer as to how some random dude featured in a random article shitehawk posts to MBA (after not posting in weeks) ends up on ds a couple weeks later with his own spot to tell me why jokes are funny?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps someone at Deadspin read Shitehawk's post or even (gasp) talked to him, and it went from there???

      I have no knowledge, just putting that crazy idea out there.

      Delete
    2. Sometimes multiple people read things on the internet?

      Delete
    3. The Grierson and Leitch postsAugust 16, 2012 at 3:02 PM

      @anon

      Really?

      Delete
    4. So apparently not a coincidence. So uh...thanks for following up on my facetious allusion to a conspiracy theory, Guy Who?

      Delete
    5. Here's a theory:

      Maybe the editor and others at the site you fucking read religiously--enough to the point that you congregate on an entirely other website dedicated to commenting on the site--actually give a flying fuck what you fucking mouthbreathers think, and picked a Q&A subject that was not only interesting on its face, but also right up your fucking alleys.

      I seriously cannot understand some of you guys. Here is a gigantic bone thrown in your direction and rather than, I dunno, accepting something that is pretty much exactly what you do and always did, all you have to say is "It's not even sports-related!!"

      You make fucking jokes on a sports blog. This was a guy on a sports blog talking about making jokes. What in the world is there to complain about here?

      -Sean




      Delete
    6. Guy Who Thinks This Comment Is IronicAugust 16, 2012 at 10:22 PM

      You lost me at where you were talking about how people from deadspin give a fuck about the commenters. I mean other than Kinja, I don't see any other examples of this. .

      Delete
    7. Do you mean the comment where I said the guys at Deadspin give a fuck about the commenters in one part of a sentence and then in the very fucking same sentence I pointed to Deadspin bringing in a guy who talks comedy, to talk comedy to a bunch of people who like to make jokes on a sports website, noting that it was done with you the commenters in mind?

      Is that the comment you find ironic and somehow not an "example" of "this."?

      Delete
    8. Guy Who Thought He Knew What Ironic MeantAugust 16, 2012 at 11:47 PM

      No no, you took my comment all wrong. I was referring to how you deadspin editors graciously threw us commenters a bone by having a guy, who noone gives a fuck about or even knew existed (other than shitehawk) talk on your site about jokes to make up for the fact that the comment system completely turns off anyone who cared about it - wait hold on that, was your point, dammit!! My point was that when I saw you guys were having the world renowned Robert Lynch on the site today, I thought to myself "you know what? Deadspin really does care about us commenters, why else would they have this guy, who I knew nothing about two weeks ago, on their site? Let me take notes from him on how to be funny so I can put forth even funnier comments on the ever evolving Kinja system.

      Delete
    9. @Guy Who

      Oh, shut up already. If you want to troll Denton, be my guest. I've done it a bit myself. But Sean is as much a commenter as he is an editor, if not more so, and he obviously gives more than a shit about the condition of the commenting section.

      No one is thrilled with Kinja (or more specifically, the lack of an approval process). Yakspin is a great feature, whether it's someone actually meaningful or a whiny cunt who should never get a job again in her worthless life. If you want your own comment section, go daddy.com is still in business.

      Delete
    10. Guy Who Doesnt Want To Be The Bad GuyAugust 17, 2012 at 12:14 AM

      By meaningful, are you referring to kluwe, girl who I never heard of until deafspin reported that she told her potential employer to suck her dick, or the almost unbookable Robert Lynch? I hate to get on Sean because he actually gives a fuck enough to comment with the commenters and at least give a hint of how much he understands that the knew comment system is unbearable. But it was a little disingenuous to explain how is commenters are basically ungrateful for not realizing the peace offering of Robert Lynch, who everyone was clamoring for, to dull put at rest for one day that the site doesn't care much for commenters anymore.

      Delete
    11. Guy Who Would Like You To Excuse His SpellingAugust 17, 2012 at 12:18 AM

      Sorry I'm sweepy.

      Delete
    12. I think getting Sandusky's attorney right after the verdict was a pretty impressive get. Kluwe isn't Peyton Manning, but he's a professional athlete, and that's cool. It really doesn't matter who the person is: it's about giving the commentariat an opportunity to shine. Truth be told, the more obscure the better, because that should keep the new crowd participation to a minimum. I'd also like to see some live chats with Tommy, Barry, Tom S. (or fuck it, Tom L., even though I could just DM him on twitter). The AJ live chats are some of my favorite days in Deadspin history, other than the gratuitous starring/unstarring.

      Your position now is much more reasonable. I wish it had been your opening offer.

      Delete
    13. Quite frankly, I've enjoyed the last 3 Yakspins with *shudder* kinja. The responses from the roastees (wait, you mean it wasn't a roast?) were much better than previous Yakspins. Todays was good, even though the more you dissect what makes funny, the sleepier I get. And I really wish Raysism could tell a knock knock joke.

      Delete
    14. Why is everyone yelling T_T

      But seriously, I'm of the opinion that these Q&A's have been working out great, today's included. My initial attempt at a joke seems to have blossomed a poo typhoon, however I'll darned if I'm going to apologize for some anonymous guy's BS. Take it easy y'all.

      --RJR

      Delete
    15. @Guy Who -

      That's all well and good, except that the notion that "the site doesn't care much for commenters anymore" is a bunch of horseshit. The site is Deadspin.com; the company is Gawker Media; its head is Nick Denton. Two of those three may not "care much for commenters," but it seems to me that Deadspin's people have done what they can at every step in the transition to try to keep us informed and engaged. There's only so much shit that they have control over, and the whims of their boss aren't on that list.

      And bringing a guy whose expertise is jokes and humor on for a live chat on a sports website, seems to me, is pretty much nothing but a gift to the commenters, since probably 90% of the site's wider readership aren't disposed to giving a shit about that at all - while the regular commenters have meanwhile started and paid rapt attention to no less than four third-party blogs about jokes.

      But hey, don't let that stop you from trashing them and their work from behind a twice-obscured identity, dickless.

      @IMG - His position is not now more reasonable. His position is now more ingratiatingly polite. It's still a load of entitled bullshit.

      Delete
    16. Hey Guy Who Anatagonizes People - Robert Lynch was featured on NPR. MBA and Craggs didn't exactly dig him out of a dumpster on Coney Island, it's possible they heard the interview while driving around in their cars, or while sunning themselves on a rock, like I did. Perhaps they thought to themselves "Huh, that's cool, I'd like to hear more of what he has to say" and unlike me, a gila monster with no contacts in the human world, they were able to make some calls to indulge their curiosity, and share it with the rest of us.

      The idea that he's "unbookable" or somehow irrelevant (because you've never heard of him) is the height of solipsistic gazing at the tip of your own nose, you twat.

      Delete
  14. Shitehawk is Denton. Obvi.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pretend this is a reply to Guy Who Likes Answers.

      Delete
    2. BBAM, if I wanted somebody to tell me how to pretend, I'd never have moved out of mom's house.

      Delete
  15. Speaking of comedy, did anyone happen to catch the "YouTube" tryouts on America's Got Talent on Tuesday night? A female comedienne went up there and just fucking bombed. I assumed those reality talent show audiences would laugh at and/or applaud anything, but oh was I wrong. It was tough to watch, but I couldn't stop watching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I watched it - that was painful to watch and must have worse for the performer.

      I love you Ray, but at some point the attention just isn't worth it.

      Delete
    2. Didn't catch it, but I have been working furiously on the pilot for America's Got Talons, my upcoming production where the former star of Ugly Betty engages in vicious and bloody combat with various birds of prey over an array of wild game carcasses.

      Delete
    3. I wouldn't want to be a raptor on that show-- she's got such spirit!

      Delete
    4. I have been watching AGT and also caught most of that episode, but missed the comedienne. Am I crazy, or were they a little harsh on the bells guy. Some tool gets up there and air guitars, great, then a musician lugs a 4 ton church bell rig from god knows where and they tell him to get bent. Felt wrong.

      Anyway, I know they have let at least one comedian through this season (Tom Cotter) and there might be another one, too. They are pure, paint by the numbers yuk yuk comics, and they KILL. I don't get it. Howie loves them, if that's any indication.

      Delete
  16. OK, guys. Live chat today. That oughta hold 'em for awhile. If not, just throw a couple of those "blip" thingies out there. Those are lifesavers! Speaking of lifesavers, I'm gonna take a stroll down to the convenience store. Anyone want anything? Oh, fuck it. Just come with me. Field trip!

    ReplyDelete
  17. So, in lieu of doing funny, we're doing this now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't understand. You linked to your own joke and you're mad that you made a joke? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

      Delete
    2. I just... don't like myself sometimes. And since I only learn via public shaming or matchstick burns, well...

      [Also, the link previously led to a picture of the complainant/her Facebook page, as helpfully provided by HamiltonNolan'sWhiteGuilt. Do we actually thank Kinja for this?

      Delete
    3. It's crazy how the ultra-shitty offensive garbage (and, on another note, inside baseball-y) comments are starting to get deleted, even though nobody at Deadspin has the power to delete them.

      Delete
    4. @BronzeHammer

      The other night there were a series that were removed almost as fast as they appeared in one of Dom's posts.

      Delete
    5. Kinja has the power to do that stuff. It learns, man. It's learning all the time. Soon it will be self-aware, and the time of man's doom will be upon him!

      Delete
  18. I don't care what the ratings say, people want to watch the Olympics While they are at work. HMPH!

    ReplyDelete
  19. In first place in the "sentences nobody has ever said before" contest:

    +1 to everybody in the Hitler minigolf post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There were a lot of good jokes in that post, but not a single +1 from a non-burner. Looking across the last few days, this seems to be a theme - very few formerly starred folks are out there giving +1s.

      It still seems that the best way to help Kinja do its job is to reward good jokes and spread the karma around, so to speak.

      Delete