Thursday, September 20, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 10 (September 20, 2012)

I HATE the voice. I HATE the guy behind it, and the way I envision him refusing to go out to grab the morning paper without donning his retro aviators and leather vest first. I HATE HATE HATE the repetitive repetitive repetitive chorus chorus chorus. Point taken, Leonard. Just tell me where to send the (one-way) plane ticket.

I know it's in all of your iPods and on the backsides of the visors in your Cutlass Cieras. Don't be shy. Tell me I'm wrong about this one. I know you want to. DO IT!

It's open.




47 comments:

  1. I know some of you are xkcd fans, but for those of you who aren't, there was an incredible click and drag comic posted yesterday that will easily kill 30 min at the office today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. XKCD is almost always great, and that one yesterday was just... art.

      I think that XKCD and the Deadspin commentariat's style naturally go together - both have a sense of humor that is brainy verging on nerdy, vulgar and often poignant.

      +1

      Delete
    2. There are a lot of people who don't "get" xkcd, and I bet that if you made a venn diagram of them, and the people who use burner accounts on Deadspin, it would essentially be one circle.

      Delete
    3. I like XKCD, but nothing compares to the genius of Dinosaur Comics

      I also weep for this generation, as they have no knowledge of the existence of Zippy the Pinhead

      Delete
    4. "Oh hey I wonder if there's anything at the bottom of this Mario pit..."

      Delete
    5. PBF is so brilliant, and so fucking dark, and troubling in profound ways. The ones that touch on rejection and relationships are just brutal; this one (like so many others) is like an electrode that triggers one specific neuron in your brain that summons up a pure, elemental emotion beyond words. I can't even imagine what goes through Gurewitch's mind when he lays in bed at 4AM wide awake.

      Delete
    6. I concur in PBF's awesomeness. Off the top of my head, this one is my favorite. And this one spurred a long, long debate in my friend's dorm room over whether or not it was funny.

      BONUS LINK: here's a zoomable image of the giant XKCD comic so as to maybe prevent some of you from getting carpal tunnel from scrolling.

      Delete
    7. I used to work in emergency management/disaster relief, with near-daily exposure to sad, terrible stuff. Ergo, this was a personal favorite.

      Delete
    8. @StF

      Disaster relief?! BOY COULD KINJA USE YOU RIGHT NOW! [honk honk]

      Delete
  2. But you'll never forget the time you first heard Mr. Cab Driver and learned that the Lou Reed impersonator behind the song was Helen Willis/Roxie Roker's kid.

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  3. Today I made a last ditch effort to make things right between Marv and I. I decided that I would be the bigger person (easy enough) and simply give Marv a call so we can hash out our differences. I dialed Marv's number and as I waited for him to pick up I took the opportunity to visit his balog to take a look at what transcendent tune he selected to denigrate today. BIG MISTAKE. Is there anything that resonates more with your inner-child than the eternal desire to fly? What you find as a repetitive chorus is Lenny portraying the childlike naïveté of saying something enough times and hoping that it comes true. So now Instead of calling to smooth things over I was instantly filled with rage and ready to lash out at Marv. Meanwhile his line had been ringing for over 10 minutes. Then suddenly it struck me - not only had Marv come into this world without the sense of taste, the poor thing was born deaf as well. So as you sit there Marv, blissfully stroking the keyboard while your phone's endless ringing fails to penetrate your useless ears, READ THIS - although I admire the strides you have made to overcome your overwhelming disabilities, there are just certain things that the deaf and tasteless are not qualified to do, and critiquing music is most certainly one of them.

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  4. @Gamboa I can't sent PMs anymore so I'll say it here: I really appreciated the bolding.

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  5. I wish I was big enough to not have done that (petty defense of my alma mater, currently ranked as the nation's #44 school by USNWR,#1 in the state of Florida) but I am not.

    Except for my penis, of course, which is obviously enormous. And my heart. But mostly my penis. Which is enormous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like Miami, but while it's 8 spots ahead of Florida, it's 8 times as expensive. Which is why I'm brainwashing the kids early.

      Delete
    2. Don't your kids already have cross-country scholarships?

      Delete
    3. Unfortuanately, Title IX pretty much did away with male XC scholarships for the non-elite, and my daughter is not all that interested in distance running.

      Delete
    4. I CAN'T HEAR YOU TWO FROM ALL THE WAY UP AT #24.

      (Though, I'm sure TX911 will enter the fray and piss all over us with his Harvard degree)

      Delete
    5. Uh-oh.

      She's not oddly interested in milkmen, is she?

      Delete
    6. Ah, nothing like the old 'your son/daughter looks like the milkman' blast. (mailman too!)

      A) Name one person you know who has a milkman
      B) You're basically calling someone's mother a whore with that joke
      C) You're better than that, allegedly, Gamboa

      Delete
    7. @Phin

      Are you certain that when he writes, "milkman," Gamboa is not just referring to the man who plays with your momma's boomin' hoots when your dad isn't around?

      Delete
    8. That was worded in such a way to be fairly good-natured.

      Relax, it's the balog. Ray already knows how much I hate him.

      Delete
    9. Whatever. I'm crafting a strongly worded letter to Marv Skeevy about how you're dragging this place down. Stop talking about and to Ray and maybe he'll run his ass away for good. Capisce?

      Delete
    10. I once crafted a strongly worded letter, but "Hercules- forceful, power, steel ox" didn't really make sense.

      Delete
    11. As an old-time arcade game player, I'm not going anywhere until I flip the score. I want to see the kill screen.

      Delete
  6. The Buggles, One-Hit WonderSeptember 20, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    I saw you in the DUAN chat in 2-oh-1-2,
    Lying awake intent at commenting to you.
    If I plussed-one it didn't stop you [coming] through.

    Oh-a oh,

    They took our gold stars for their second symphony.
    Rewritten by Denton and new technology,
    And now we understand the screens that editors can see.

    Oh-a oh,
    I saw the screen shot.
    Oh-a oh,
    What did he show them?

    Bronze Hammer’s just a Kinja 3-Star.
    Bronze Hammer’s just a Kinja 3-Star.

    B. Dickey came and broke your heart.
    Oh-a-a-a oh.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm starting to think these Dutch garage doors were a bad idea.

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  8. I knew this asshole would comment as soon as I read the title of the post. What does it take to get banned anymore?

    http://deadspin.com/5944876/if-you-support-the-scab-refs-because-of-your-politics-youre-either-a-moron-a-profootballtalk-commenter-or-both?post=52842353

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Universal Enveloping AlgebraSeptember 20, 2012 at 5:27 PM

      People like Opie213 (who replied twice to Drew's reply to that guy, and to Raysism's hilarious telephone joke, make me want to quit both commenting and being a part of society.

      Delete
    2. Guy who thinks UEA needs to learn how to use parentheses and may also be UEASeptember 20, 2012 at 5:59 PM

      Learn to use parentheses, asshole.

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Let us celebrate him finally getting a star next to his name.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, it's really not fair. If you get one star for each ten funny jokes you make, then he should have at least a tenth of a star by now.

      Delete
  10. I have a good friend Amie who reads Jezebel a lot. I always give her a little bit of shit becuz LOLJEZZIES. Last night, she was talking about some dude trolling their comments, and generally being an asshole. She thought it was a deadspinner, but I explained that, no, while we like getting under the skin of our Gawker LadyNeighbors, we do it because we love them. Sexually. Becuz VAGINAS.

    Anywhoo, she mentioned that said valdal was "Kareem something?" Which I thought, "KareemCheese? No fucking way. That guy's cool." Sure enough, I read today's Jamboroo, and: this guy

    Fuck that guy.

    I reached out to Amie to confirm the culprit, and this was her response:

    "I could have sworn it was 420 on the end, but I may have subconsciously put that there because, yeah, doucheness. Otherwise, username is dead on.

    I mean, c'mon. Going on Jezebel and using the C word? Har har har har."

    <3 I told her to come hang out on DUAN. She laughed, popped the collar on her cool leather jacket, lit a cigarette, and strolled across the senior parking lot while I waited for my mother to pick me up to take me to my piano lesson.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a different burner account than the one your friend is referring to, since the comment you linked to was his only comment.

      I've seen a million "Kareemofwheat" burner accounts -- I guess they're all related, but they're not KareemCheese, right?

      Delete
    2. Kareem Ofweet was a registered commenter who got spectacularly banned in the latter days of the pre-Kinja system. He was a troll then, and it looks like he's a burner troll now. It wouldn't be a surprise if he's creating new burner accounts for each comment: it's not so much more onerous than logging in with a pre-existing burner account.

      Delete
    3. @Ray - no, by all available indications, he's not the same guy as KareemCheese, who is a perfectly decent commenter. They existed simultaneously prior to Kinja.

      Delete