Saturday, September 15, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE-Day 6 (September 15-16, 2012)

OK, here's a golden opportunity for you all to throw up your HATE deflectors. Bring it.

Despite the title of this one, it is not about trolling, and that is not what I'm doing. This is pure, genuine, unfiltered HATE right here. HATE the chords, HATE the vocals. The sound is not pleasing to my ear. In fact, it's torturous. Nothing deeper than that. Well, the sock/penis thing, but really the sound.

With its inexplicable critical and commercial acclaim, I can't fully escape this song, but my station-changing reflex for it is reminiscent of one of those laser-tongued frogs snatching a fly out of mid-air. Do you have the same lightning reflex for the volume button? Crank it up, brahs. Tell me how wrong I am. Or talk about some other stuff. I'm not sure if I told you that you're allowed. You are. For it's the weekend, and it's open.


52 comments:

  1. You've went and done it again, Marv. I could not agree more with you on this. For me, this is tied with "Come As You Are" for songs-that-I-once-liked-but-would-rather-listen-to-my-dad-having-sex-with-another-man, territory.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely agree. I've actually come to feel that way about anything by Nirvana.

      Delete
    2. Score 2 for the good guys.

      Not a fan of "Come As You Are", either, but I'm not with you on their entire catalog.

      Delete
    3. @Sgt.

      I can kind of see where you're coming from with that, but I can't agree. Polk Panther mentioned on Twitter a while back that he thought In Utero was Nirvana's best album, and I share that sentiment 100%. I still haven't heard anything like it. Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle is still my second favorite Nirvana track behind only Aneurysm.

      Delete
  2. If you don't like the sock/penis thing, then STOP LOOKING THROUGH MY APARTMENT WINDOW.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just don't get why you insist on argyle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See, that's part of the problem. It's not argyle, it's MYgyle.

      Delete
  4. There are plenty of Chili Peppers songs I enjoy, none more than their remake of Higher Ground, but I've never understood the appeal of Under the Bridge, at least for those of us who have never had a *serious* heroin problem.

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    1. Yeah, some of their stuff is OK, but this song just grates at me.

      Crushed Red Peppers, of course, can do no wrong.

      Delete
  5. Reminds me of the time I nailed it with that comment in that America You Looked Like This in the 90s post, where that girl asked that guy if he was the under the bridge guy. God, I'm funny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Guy Who sees where this is headedSeptember 15, 2012 at 9:40 PM

    Step 1: Give a +1 to every article and +2 to every article by a former commenter

    Step 2: Shamelessly network with the cool kids' club by offering each of them anonymous editorial control over your balog. Cement both your position as a queen bee and every negative stereotype of the Deadspin commenting in-crowd as split between those "in the know" and the rest of the huddled masses.

    Step 3: Defend every move the site makes with unabashed homerism

    Step 4: Openly audition to become the next commenter-turned-editor.

    Step 5: Profit?

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    Replies
    1. @Guy Who - Y'know, this comment would really be great if there were an unadorned Simpsons jpeg to spice it up. You used to be so good at those back when you were Norbizness.

      Delete
    2. Hey dickhead,

      With all due respect to IMG, Echo and Gamboa, they are not the cool kids. (Not to mention that the notion that that there are cool kids is pretty misleading.) Their little blog is certainly entertaining, but in the real world, "queen bees" are such because of their actual power over a situation. Now, even moreso than in the past (thanks, Kinja!) any individual or group's power over the comments is diluted to the point of invisibility. Any perceptions of power being held over you are entirely between your ears.

      No commenter who is part of the circle of folks who are cordial to, and familiar with each other got there by any method other than being prominently distinctive and funny back when that was all there was to do at Deadspin. It's not like these guys all grew up on the same block and took their "34th St" neighborhood clique online. Sure, some other guys sniff asses and ingratiate themselves with cloying persistence, but everyone knows who they are and considers their merits accordingly.

      Finally, the relationship between commenter status and having a byline is, I assure you, far different than what you imagine. "Ok, then, enlighten me, how does it work?" you ask? Allow me to make the ever-beloved jerk-off gesture in your direction, and offer the classic advice of "don't worry about it."

      Delete
    3. Hey, Guy who actually is one of the cool kids.

      So, you're saying that a middle of the road commenter, like myself, is one of the cool kids?

      Because, let me tell you, I was always one of the "cool kids." If you ever showed up at my lunch table, in the locker room, or I saw you in the hallway, you probably wouldn't have been my friend. Because you were probably the type of guy who would've had milk 'accidentally' spilled on him, History papers flying through the hallway, or Cramergesic spread in his jockstrap.

      If you're cool now, good for you.

      Delete
    4. [continues to place self in previously non-existent "lower tier" by repeatedly insisting that the circle-jerk to end all circle-jerks is going on and no one will let you in]

      Delete
    5. "Finally, the relationship between commenter status and having a byline is, I assure you, far different than what you imagine."

      I imagine it has something to do with some combination of unemployment, desperate auditioning and willingness to accept the title of intern years after graduation.

      Delete
    6. First, that's not only bizarrely off the mark and insulting, it's also one of the most petty and transparently bitter things I've ever read.

      Second, you're discussing this in the comment section of an offshoot blog created solely for the purpose of discussing the comment section of another blog. You don't get to pretend you wouldn't jump at the opportunity to contribute at Deadspin occasionally.

      Delete
    7. For the record, I don't think Tom has ever stopped by, though he's more than welcome here should he ever want to do so. Also, Sean is neither an intern nor unemployed. Also, you're a sad wittle loser.

      But thanks for your contribution. We're cashing big checks on your page views.

      Delete
    8. Guy Who thinks SbV8 is just a few ass sniffs away from glory (hole)September 16, 2012 at 10:10 PM

      @SbV8

      And here I was wondering who this referred to:

      "Sure, some other guys sniff asses and ingratiate themselves with cloying persistence"

      Got it.

      Delete
    9. Guy Who knows what causes men to buy sports cars and luxury watchsSeptember 16, 2012 at 10:17 PM

      @IMG

      So you make $ via page views? You don't sell ads so I'll just assume you are a paid shill for overpriced watches and snooty sports cars.

      Delete
    10. Oh, yeah. Rolex and Porsche know their target audience is right here.

      Delete
    11. I'll take one modestly deprecating sports car, please.

      Delete
    12. Guy Who enjoys typos that create funny mental imagesSeptember 16, 2012 at 10:31 PM

      @IMG

      Your wit never ceases to amaze. I am not quite [dying] while reading your response, but I wish I were.

      @BH

      Why would you want a sports car that keeps subtly insulting you?

      Delete
    13. "snooty sports cars."

      It wasn't a typo, ya boner.

      Delete
    14. [psst...I'm not sure if the cool kids send invitations or what, but I think BH playfully calling you a "boner" means you're in like Flynn!]

      Delete
    15. Not to go all MBA, but ... Guy Who, one of the key features of great Deadspin comments are that they are generally subtle and non-obvious (or obvious and silly, yet snort-inducing). So, if you see a "typo" from a respected commenter, you should assume that it was intentional and try to figure out the joke - especially if the comment would be very dull if the "typo" were unintentional.

      Perhaps it is a fundamental lack of understanding of how Deadspin commenting works that keeps you out of the "cool kid" crowd?

      Delete
    16. Good lord, I did not expect this to break out. Can't say I don't enjoy it.

      So, to for what it's worth, not Tom or Sean, or any bylined writer. Sean has the balls to fess up and use his name. Bully for him.

      Poor SBv8, getting roped into this shit. He's actually one of the guys who really does get it, something that has been demonstrated to be beyond your grasp. You, dearest guy who, with your bitter, inaccurate little attacks are doing a wonderful job of cracking us all up.

      Amazing how Bronze Hammer, someone who at one time was a bull in a china shop and pissed people off like he got paid for it figured it out - figured out that being funny, and being an agreeable and thoughtful contributor was the fucking magical key to the Cool Kids Club? Fucking magic.

      Hilarious the mental masturbation that some folks will go through to convince themselves that it's not me, it's them!.

      Delete
    17. Guy Who finally gets isSeptember 16, 2012 at 11:42 PM

      "being an agreeable ... contributor was the fucking magical key."

      Got it. Be agreeable. Follow the template. Don't make waves. KINJA RULEZ!1! TOMMY IS A GENIUS!!1! Am I in now?

      Where did I swing and miss? Sean was a failed and unemployed lawyer before he came to his weekend position paying $30K a year. Tom was an unpaid intern and now is a barely-paid lackey. Both have been rightly attacked by commenters for pedantic & angry (Sean) or shallow (Tom) posts. It turns out that quippy one-liners don't translate to long-form posts.

      @Dubai, stick to being an obnoxious asshole instead of trying to imitate MBA. Don't you have some exotic travelogue to tell us about?

      Delete
    18. As someone who doesn't agree with any of this retarded bullshit and is still managing not to make everyone hate his annoying guts, I'd say merely being funny is enough.

      Delete
    19. Listen, if it's really bothering you this much just send an email to 'SponsoredybyV8@gmail.com' whenever you've got a deadspin comment you think is a keeper. I'm more than willing to throw a few "+1s" your way if it really means that much. I'm sure some of the other guys who have been here a long time will do the same, although I really can't speak for the others people here you've decided to attack. We're not heartless...we just like to poke fun.

      But when we see someone truly and deeply hurting...we're a surprisingly supportive group, this is supposed to be fun after all. So just let me know and I'll get those +1s your way...I'll even treat the email as private. No one will ever know.

      Delete
    20. Guy Who just loves accepting charitySeptember 17, 2012 at 12:13 AM

      Thanks bud. Unfortunately at the current exchange rate, it would take 20 of your +1s to equate to a single +1 from a respected commenter.

      Delete
    21. @SbV8

      We're not heartless

      Speak for yourself, gimpy.

      Delete
    22. [Gets cockpunched by BBAM]

      Delete
    23. Mantis Toboggan, M.D.September 17, 2012 at 12:19 AM

      @Guy Who

      God damn dude at least your first salvo was interesting. Pipe down with this weak "respected commenter" shit, you don't LIKE the "respected commenters," remember? Get some rest and come back with some new and different whining tomorrow, huh?

      Delete
    24. Shit. I can't keep my Guy Whos straight in this thread! Let me see if I can sort it out.

      One of them is defending the commentariat against bile-filled attacks from a complete and total asshole.

      The other one is norbizness.

      That about right?

      Delete
    25. It's not my balog and it's not my business, but I sure think it'd be swell if we'd all start ignoring this putz.

      Delete
    26. Guy Who is thrilled Senor Olive Garden descended from OlympusSeptember 17, 2012 at 12:29 AM

      Oh good. An honest-to-god "contributor" weighs in.

      Of course, he prefaces his contribution by pointing out that he is too good to contribute, then offers advice to the mere mortals.

      I wouldn't expect anything more - after all, he has some biscuits to order and he can't be distracted by the common folk.

      Delete
    27. Phrases you've used in this thread: former commenter, the cool kids' club, a queen bee, the Deadspin commenting in-crowd, commenter-turned-editor, respected commenter, "contributor", the mere mortals, common folk.

      It's nice to see Kinja hasn't ruined the pervasive tendency to exaggerate the importance of our commenting contributions. But seriously, that doesn't seem overwrought to you?

      Delete
  7. Hi.

    I saw my name up there, and I have no idea why the fuck why.

    Kinja???

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    1. Hi.

      I saw my name up there, and I have no idea why the fuck why.


      - Taylor Swift's internal monologue every time she walks by her marquee.

      Delete
    2. SHE IS A REFRESHING BEACON OF POSITIVITY IN A SEA OF OVERSEXED AND TALENTLESS GARBAGE!!!

      Delete
  8. I'm old enough to remember why this song was so popular: the songs on the radio and MTV (by far the two main sources of music, given that most cars still didn't have CD players) at that time were mindbendingly horrible.

    This song was released in March 1992. Here were the #1 Billboard Hits in 2012 leading up to its release:

    -- "Black and White", MJ
    -- "All 4 Love", Color Me Badd
    -- "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me", Elton and George Michael
    -- "I'm Too Sexy", Right Said Fred

    To make things worse, in April, "Jump" by Kris Kross would go on to top the charts for eight straight weeks.

    So instead of asking yourself how this song could be so popular, ask yourself how excited you'd be to hear this song after three months of Color Me Badd, Kris Kross and Right Said Fred.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I once looked up to you.


      Do you play with yourself when you grab your wallet?

      Delete
  9. Got some serious boogers now. Big uns, black n' crusty. Boogery boggers that boogeer up in my nose. Spraypaint.

    ReplyDelete