Thursday, October 18, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 34 (October 18, 2012)

Well, this is unprecedented. A three-time HATEE!!!

It's a horrible song about a movie I will never see! There should be some sort of rule about rappers and movies, and how the two shall not intersect. Yes, I know there have been some cases of legitimate rapper/actor fusion, but when was the last time a rapper's music got better after they started doing movies? I'll wait for your answer...

This is embarrassingly awful. Absolutely cringe-worthy. Besides the obnoxious and cliche re-worked funk sample, the worst thing about this cash grabbing parasite is how the atrocious lyrics are literally tied to the movie. "Eye of the Tiger" does not say, "Rocky's up, back off the canvas. He throws a hook, misses wildly..."  Not that it's a great song, but it's a famous movie song that came to mind, and you get what I'm saying. Soundtrack songs generally abstractly encompass a theme that can be tied into the film; not lyrically narrate the screenplay. I'm sure some respectable tracks have employed this tactic, but I can't think of any, and this certainly isn't one. "Here come the Men in Black... Galaxy defenders..." OOF!

On the bright side, being a three time HATEE means that you must have done something I liked at some point, as I chose specific turds rather than employing the here-is-a-random-representation-of-your-entire-body-of-shit tactic (see: Hinder, Buckcherry, LMFAO). So, head up, Willie. Underneath that giant pile of money and the trappings of international super-stardom lies a young rapper who was once free from this balogger's seething scorn. I hope you can take some small bit of solace in that.

It's open.




32 comments:

  1. Tyler Perry - “Alex Cross”

    People all love me cuz I’m so damn funny,
    And that’s great cuz it makes me hella money.
    But sometimes I don’t wanna to just be a clown,
    People thinkin you only good for jokes can get you down.

    I decided it’s time to show anotha side of me,
    Show people what a great actor that I can be.
    “Tyler you can be serious, had no idea”,
    Yes fool, I can do more than just play Madea.

    So in this next flick I play the action hero,
    Have everyone saying he’s the next De Niro.
    Tyler on the big screen, so damn boss,
    Run to the movie theatre and see Alex Cross!!

    Chorus:
    Alex Cross Alex Cross, everyone go see Alex Cross (x4)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, my heart's breakin'
      'Cause now my wife's Taken
      This is not the first time I've cri-i-i-i-ied

      I'm just a shy guy
      Looking for my wife, I
      Can't believe they got my-y-y-y-y love


      -Liam Neeson, "Cried (Love Theme From Taken Too)"

      Delete
  2. Sad Puppy Being KickedOctober 18, 2012 at 10:09 AM

    You hate Men in Black the movie?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didn't see it, don't care to. NOT THE POINT!!!

      Delete
    2. Understand that I realize that this isn't the point, but the original "Men In Black" is awesome. Vincent D'Onofrio alone makes it worth watching.

      Delete
    3. D'Onofrio is a hack, but that's a good movie.

      Delete
    4. Hey, he just likes to work. (Because of his dead wife?)

      Delete
    5. @BH:

      Your brain...is in a world....of shit...

      Delete
    6. @Vincent

      Law & Order: Criminal Intent, man. That's all I'm saying. You lost your way.

      Delete
  3. The above was me. I think it's only reasonable that by posting 50 songs you hate every day you are opening yourself up to amateur psychoanalysis. After hating Blister in the Sun, you were pegged as under-30. But I'm pretty sure most people under 30 have a soft spot for the original Men In Black, including the admittedly god-awful song. But where is your nostalgia?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Amateur" psychoanalysis? I'll say.

      More like Sigmund Fraud, amirite???

      Delete
    2. He posts "50 songs [he] hate[s] every day?" I don't think so! Come back to me with another draft, kiddo. And get some goddamn quotes for once.

      Delete
  4. I get a lot of commercials for Papa John's, Olive Garden, and Sonic, even though there are none within 150 miles of me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So much unused space. I mean, I can hold upwards of 20,000 songs, and yet all I have is a few sketchy Napster downloads (bootleg Paula Cole live performances?!) from 2002 and his 311 boxed set that he reluctantly converted from CD just last year.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OK, I've scarcely been around here or Deadspin over the last few weeks (thanks for noticing). Two observations from periodically checking out DS and Gawker:
    1) This Darth Kahuna thing seems rather permanent, huh?
    2) Which one of you bastards is Maury Compson over on Gawker? He has regularly been the funniest commenter on Gawker for a few months now, bringing DS-style jokes (read: no gifs; funny) to the site. Today, he dropped a '+1' in response to another good comment here, which is typically verboten in the Gawkerverse.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nice try, Marv, but THIS is far more terrible and offensive.

    And that's saying a LOT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT IS THAT???

      You know, I have enough HATE in me. I could easily have remained blissfully ignorant. Thanks.

      Delete
  8. All Over But The Sharting is cuurently creating a ginat list of things Brian Cashman did not deny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jesus Christ son! Wipe that Wheat Thins Sundried Tomato and Basil residue off your left hand type with both of them! And for God's sake, use the God Damn spell check for once! I'm happy you attempted to source your work, but you've got to do better than this.

      Delete
  9. That's a bold pick Marv. Will you be severing your ties with Lance Armstrong as well?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Where was boldness listed among the criteria? As I said from the jump, some will be controversial, some won't.

    If I valued manufactured shock over authenticity and integrity, wouldn't I be working for a real media outlet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marv, just because Will Smith wouldn’t sign your Applebees napkin doesn’t make him a bad guy. He was just trying to enjoy a peaceful dinner with his family. This unwarranted attack has got to stop.

      Delete
  11. I for one am hoping Hulk Hogan wins the $100 million lawsuit he is or is going to file against Gawker Media for showing my, I mean his sex tape.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hellz yeahz! Tons of photos, gifs and videos with fucking funny comments like "skip to 1:07 of this, it's the first thing I thought of!"

    Dis be my kinda commentating.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment in the Plaxico post is great, both for how funny it is and for how many people fell all over themselves to correct him.

    ReplyDelete