Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Star-Less Express (Profiles in Commenters Who Aren't As Good As MKM: Phintastic)

What can I say about Phintastic that hasn't already been said about having a wart burned off your eyelid?  A Dolphin?  No, the guy is to Deadspin commenting what a remora is to a shark: a hideous parasitic leach that latches onto a healthy host - which actually contributes something to its eco-system - in order to feast upon the scraps the host leaves behind.  He is like some sort of awful Internet meme generator; the sort of thing that would be popular with the guy in your office who can't wait to talk to you about the continuity errors in the latest Twilight movie, and who probably has a dozen Selena Gomez posters on his wall. (Note: I do not know who Selena Gomez is, but I bet you that Phin does).  Does anyone have any doubt that Phin is the sort of guy who picks his nose and immediately smears it on whatever piece of furniture is nearest to him?  Does anyone doubt that Phin thinks that Dracula: Dead and Loving It was the finest Mel Brooks movie ever made and quotes from it ad nauseam?  Does anyone doubt that Phin ...

Oh, you know what, shit.  I was thinking about Cyrus_The_Virus.  Sorry about that.  Phin's okay by me.

Pictured: Phintastic attaching himself to an unwitting host.

Anyway, MKM > Syphilis > Tebow > Phintastic

15 comments:

  1. Guy Scratching BallsJanuary 12, 2012 at 10:15 PM

    Thank you for your service, Mr. Gallego.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ugh, you couldn't have used a black fish in that picture? I mean, seriously, there are some great images of fishes of color that would work just as well. I'm calling the ACLU!

    [masturbates to idea of more efficient public transportation]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Together, we can change the world!

      Delete
  3. Hey, you spelled "leach" wrong, Mr. High and Mighty.

    It's S-A-M-E-S-A-D-E-C-H-O.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey dumbass, you misspelled syphilis. It's L-A-U-R-E-N-M-O.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Magellan Was a BitchJanuary 12, 2012 at 10:45 PM

    You haven't lived until you've eaten live shark pup fresh from the womb. Unbelievable.

    ReplyDelete
  6. METADAYS... actually, totally agree. That guy is a fucker of the first degree.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Guy Who Constantly Quotes TV Shows Because He's Not Creative Enough to Be Funny on His OwnJanuary 12, 2012 at 11:10 PM

    Are we having fun yet?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. ^@^*@ I'M IN LOVE WITH ♥ALWAYS WINNING!!!1!!!1!11*&&^*DA* WILL YOU MERRY MEE???//????

    ReplyDelete
  9. Starless? I prefer "Formerly Starred" you asshole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Find me a major Broadway musical that sounds like Formerly Starred and I'll write another piece on your miserable unfunny existence.

      Delete
    2. The Real Phin, For RealJanuary 18, 2012 at 12:30 PM

      It's moot anyway now.

      Delete