Thursday, June 14, 2012

MKMOT (June 14, 2012)

Oh, you!

Fireworks last night! Let me try to address a few things in the laziest way possible, for it is the only way I know how.

First, I am struggling with the new trend of referring to our new troll-like visitor(s?) as "Guy Who". Haven't there been hundreds of "Guy Who"s in the last few months of this balog, virtually all of whom have brought more to the table than this one? Why should he be THE "Guy Who"? Just because he's recent and notably shitty? That's like saying Gosselin is THE "John". Don't. If we're going to continue to discuss this jagoff, which is entirely up to you all, I challenge you to come up with a better name.

Also, let me preemptively address any further accusations of hypocrisy and/or inconsistency. Those of you who have paid attention know that we have made it crystal clear that we have several different editors, with literally zero coordination between our efforts. That's the kind of steady ship we run around here. I have explained repeatedly that my editorial policy differs from CJ's or IMG's, and that just because I am the most active voice doesn't mean that I am the loudest. I won't always endorse what those guys do, but I can all but guarantee that I'll never step on their toes. I hope you find our public disagreements clumsily entertaining and readable. But they are not inconsistent with anything that's recently been said about our policy, so let me nip that in the bud right here.

As for the comment that I quasi-reprimanded and CJ removed last night, it was an attack on a commenter more so than a comment, which I have publicly declared to be where the line gets crossed. However, in recent weeks, I have allowed arguably similar comments to stand, so I (not CJ) addressed it with a reply rather than a removal. The reason for this is simple. You guys have shown a positive response (statistically) to controversy, and also, as I recently mentioned, an ability to police yourselves. My personal theory is that if it's interesting, fosters discussion, and won't turn off our readers, I'd rather let you guys handle this kind of shit in your own way. You seem to have fun with it. Unless it's racist or similar hate speech, because, you know, fuck that shit. Remember, I hold myself out to be little more than the provider of a forum. If I have one rule that trumps all others, it's that you guys dictate the content. If I could post a poll about "let it stand vs. remove", I would. I do what I think will keep you guys coming around. If I'm doing it wrong, or right, please weigh in in the comments.

The bottom line is this- we are what we say we are: a balog for you guys. And we're consistent in our inconsistency. As far as I go, my number one goal is to keep it interesting, and the method I choose is almost always going to be letting you guys do that organically. Other editors may take different approaches from time to time. That is fine. Nothing is hard and fast around here, except my erection when I see this kind of activity.

Keep it up below, and I will too. It's open.


  1. I fly out this afternoon for my five year reunion. This is going to be a full blown disaster. I've lived in different regions of the country from all my closest college friends since graduating...I cannot wait.

    1. Guy who is confusedJune 14, 2012 at 8:57 AM

      Your college has mandatory 5-year reunions?

    2. Nope. But as I both loved college and my friends from it, it's a wonderful chance to catch up with everyone.

  2. Let's just clear the air, shall we?

    People who I hate
    Sponsored by V8: Enough with the Excel jokes okay?
    EMS: You post retarded pictures in your replies. We get it. Move on, man.
    All Over But the Sharting: Meh.
    Same Sad Echo: First guy says you suck. Second guy says, no that's SSE.
    Steve U: More like Steve U RNT funny
    Uwebollocks: No, you are not right.
    Miserable Shitehawk: I could go on endlessly for the reasons you are the grit in my vagina. It really bothers me the way you drone on and on about topics that seemingly no one ever and would ever give a crap about and yet... they still don't so feel free to keep updating the website that absolutely no checks.
    David Hume: "Look at me, I'm so highbrow!"
    Dubaiatnight: Blah blah blah.
    UEA: X = not funny.
    The Amazing Sneijderman: No one can spell your name, dude.

    People I like:
    monkeybusiness: This man has a way with words. He articulates jokes that we don't even get now and maybe never will, but man he is good.

    shuttledik: how come this titan never comments anymore?

    Freezer: Drops humor like Kim Kardashian drops to her knees.

    Bilbo Ballbaggins: Are any of you better than him? No.

    And that's it, not a whole lot to like out there people.

    1. Graham Chapman as Oscar Wilde was right: the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. My current favorites are NutHuggerShorts (he agreed with me about the mechanics of a hit and run) and BedmanOKC, who informed me that Jim Rome's Smack-Off is fixed. I am shaken to the core, much like when Shooter McDonald and Jesus from Big Lebowski proved that quiz shows were not safe in that documentary.

    2. Yeah well I just spent twenty years re-animating the corpse of Albert Einstein, who, before flipping me the double bird and burying his face in a pile of coke laid between a hooker's fake tits, told me the RMJ most certainly does not equal H. Charlatan.

    3. Fine, I'll mix it up a bit.


      Happy now?

      Oh, and UVa is the Danbury Community College of the South, except without

    4. [Note to self. When insulting someone's eduction, try to do it with complete sentences.]

      [Slinks away to cry in the bathroom. Again.]

    5. Come now, Dubai... leave the low-hanging fruit be. (38-0)

    6. Universal Enveloping AlgebraJune 14, 2012 at 12:19 PM

      I'm just a single variable? No exponents or coefficients? I guess that makes sense; I certainly am a derivative one. ZING ZANG ZOINKS

    7. RMJ=H, admit it, you're just a little bitter that other people have discovered how to be the first to comment on every single thread :)

    8. More like R(i)MJ(ob)=H(ow he makes a living), amirite???

  3. Note to you
    Guy Who
    Running On
    As if to say, as if to say
    As if to say, he doesn’t like SSE
    He’s born unstarred, he’ll die unstarred,
    Some things will never be promoted

    Stop being so pinko
    There’s a time and there’s a place
    So Inside
    So Baseball
    Comment got removed
    By CJ

    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?
    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?
    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?
    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?

    It’s so simple, it’s so simple (just be funny)
    Don’t be a dick
    You saw a movie once
    Just be like Uwe, just be like Uwe (the sick jokes)
    Some things will never be different
    Out of context, out of context (It’s done before)
    Queuing up for some more plus ones
    It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault (your heart‘s unclicked)
    They’re getting much rarer

    Why can’t you be more David Hume
    Cerebral dick joke maker
    Bury your head in the sand
    I’m thinking ban, ban ban
    I’m thinking ban

    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?
    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?
    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?
    Is your comment moved to Hineyhole?

    It’s not on the balog.

    1. I keep reading this to the tune of "Banquet" for some reason.

    2. At least someone remembers us after A Weekend In The City.

  4. While we're on the subject, here's my list of people I like/dislike.

    Like: SbV8

    Dislike: Everybody else

    You think you're too good for Mariah Carey and Charles Barkley themed pyramids?! Well, you're not!

    [slams door]
    [turns on "I Want To Know What Love Is"]
    [weeps softly]

  5. Guy Who Reads The DUAN Comments To His Wife Every Night Because They Are HilariousJune 14, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    Hey everyone, I think my wife might cheating on me. Any advice?

  6. These jackasses! I'm getting married on Saturday, with the current Knicks announcer doing the intros over the late 90s Knicks music. This Chicago routine is much more choreographed and elaborate, though. I guess it's only fitting that I'd be beaten by Chicago.

    1. I bet it was equal parts easy for you to find bridesmaids and impossible to find a ring-bearer!11!!1!!!!

  7. Talibs Rap SheetJune 14, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    So I would normally say that if "Uncle Tom's Coughlin" keeps making funny jokes, he could be up for an approval. But it appears he's using a Burner account. How would that even work?

    1. It looks like they're just using an avatar that looks like a burner account, as a joke. They have a registered profile and can have friends and followers.

    2. Shit, I don't even know what that means but I just approve him. Actually, it's the first time I've ever approved a commenter, so he'll probably end of sucking a big bag of dicks.

    3. Talibs Rap SheetJune 14, 2012 at 2:42 PM

      I've actually never approved a commenter, mainly because I let the "senior" guys take care of it, and also I'm a pussy like that. But when I was approved (by Sharting ... so blame him), it was because I had a string of 3 or 4 humorous jokes in one day. Waiting for a Pinko to make a few jokes is a good way of sorting them out from the general riff-raff, but it's probably very hard to keep track, since they don't (didn't?) have comment histories. But if you've got a good feeling about someone, let 'er rip right?

      And, of course, this conversation won't matter in ???? days/weeks.

    4. In my 2+ years on DS, I've approved 1 commenter. I'd rather let Sheed et al take the heat for letting the garbage in. That and I am way too ADHD to pay attention to which pink commenters have history.

    5. I think we're a little too hesitant to promote people. I'll usually do it anytime I see a pink comment that makes me think 'that person understands the gist of what we do here.'

    6. ReverseapechemistJune 14, 2012 at 8:09 PM

      I'm sure it was a GREAT approval, Bacardi.

    7. You're the only thing I've ever done right in my life, RApeChemist.

  8. I Like Cheap BeerJune 14, 2012 at 5:32 PM

    I took another brief visit to today. The decision to move to Powwow makes sense. For those who say Nick Denton doesn't care about the commenters or their "contributions," you are correct. And after reading the Gawker responses to AJ's Marriotti post, I don't blame Denton one bit.

  9. The Amazing SneijdermanJune 14, 2012 at 6:02 PM

    Related to the earlier post, this is kind of hilarious. Even Twitter has turned on poor Jay.

  10. Drunj at the airport in Hartford waiting for my ride up to the school reunion. In my limited sample size of one, professional classical guitarists from London are fucking fascinating people.

  11. Why you guys keep mentioning me on here? Even I know I was the shittiest character in Street Fighter II Turbo. Only that weird little kid IronMikeyGallego ever played as me.

  12. Is it safe to say commenting is down lately, or will I get jumped on for that?