Wednesday, July 11, 2012

MKMOT (July 11, 2012)

That was fun. I think my bender is over. Of course, all it ever takes is a traumatic catalyst to trigger a relapse, so PLEASE, no lazy porn jokes.

I'm sorry if my write-ups lack their usual wordy brilliance for the next few days. Like all of you, I'm still reeling from the death of Ernest Borgnine. But it didn't stop you guys from coming out yesterday. It's like you have some sort of Popovian Pavlovian response to my appearance. Good show.

I'm sorry I've been so distant lately, but I feel so close to you right now. So close that I wouldn't dare punish you with that song. Here's a better one. And more importantly, an unlimited supply of functional space for you below it. It's open.


34 comments:

  1. I am a sad shell of a man.

    The remaining heartbeats of my existence serve no purpose other than the torturous delay of the ultimate silence I so desperately long for.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. There you have it. We're all in agreement.

      Crushed red is so good that it makes dog shit edible. Food court adjourned!

      Delete
  3. Well...I wrote this out, submitted, and then realized I lifted it directly from Seinfeld. My first thought was, "eh, that's different enough". But it's really not, it's damn near the exact same situation as the Seinfeld episode.

    So yeah, sorry to Mencia that one. Suppose I'll add in a "h/t"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strangely enough, I actually considered trying to work that reference in somehow. Too clunky though.

      Delete
  4. For the record, if you have a gif as your avatar I will summarily dismiss any replies to me regardless of content.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guy who loves morning showsJuly 11, 2012 at 9:55 AM

      What about Kathie Lee Gifford? You wouldn't dismiss a reply from her.

      Delete
  5. People are joking the fuck out of the place today. This is good.

    Also,

    ReplyDelete
  6. So...that Lynn Hoppes post today was just phenomenal. Any reason to expect any response from ESPN whatsoever?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As ESPN ombudsman, I appreciate your interest in Lynn Hoppes, but I must point-out that the tax breaks we get for hiring a transgendered journalist far outweigh the negative recourse of plagiarism.

      Delete
    2. That's not what recourse means.

      Delete
    3. Just because I'm the ESPN ombudsman doesn't mean I hold my usage of the English language to higher standards than do the staff that write for the site. Frankly, I'm surprised that the above statement doesn't have more errors.

      We appreciate your efforts, please accept a commemorative Stuart Scott monocle in the mail as a show of gratitude from your friends at the Worldwide Leader.

      [please attach mailing address]

      Delete
  7. If you put ketchup on a hot dog and or sausage or any kind of encased meat meant to be eaten in a bun, well I just can't respect you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well-done dog with ketchup, relish, onions or GTFO!

      Ketchup also dramatically improves Affliction shirts.

      Delete
  8. Apropos of nothing, I wanted to give kudos to RMJ=H on his work so far during the Kinja era.

    As frustrating as the transition has been at times, knowing that hilarious people like that are still working hard to routinely make quality jokes on Deadspin is enough to keep me coming back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If this is a thank you for those handjobs I gave you two years ago, YOU'RE WELCOME ALREADY!

      Delete
  9. So, this is quite the comment fiasco. Nice to have a control group in your experiments.

    Did we win? I think we won.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The last three days should put to rest any lingering notion that we can't still be funny and help control the comment section. Sharting, Hume, Mantis, IMG, RMJ=H, BH, Steve U, Sneijderman, L to the O, EMS, SbV8, Echo, CP, Bev and a bunch of others have come out in full force, and the trolls are being overrun.

    Now we just need to send out the bat signal for Gamboa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gamboa is the hero Deadspin deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

      Delete
    2. Hey, I'm right here!
      Oh, you said "Gamboa."
      I'm sorry, I thought you said... um, Gamboa.

      Shit.

      Delete
  11. We even saw excellent commenter turned editor DFWYCFCM go back to commenting roots. That's pretty cool, too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You would remove it. Thought I wouldn't see it, didn't you? Thought you could sliiiiiide it on in there, under the radar.

    I'm going to remember this night. Some day down the road, some time when you least expect it, some night when you are most in need of a Roundup, you'll wait and wait and wait, and I'll be gone. Poof. And then what will you have to say for all your "Oh I'm the impatient guy who waits for the Roundups like a big fat jerk" stuff then, huh? HUH, SMART-ASS?

    Not so smart now, are you, smart guy?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am undone.

      That post had two page views. I was one. Now, I guess I know who the second was.

      /+1

      Delete
    2. That's cause we're so cool, right?

      I'm sure it's cause we're really cool. Cool people stay up late and refresh blogspot content for updates.

      Delete
    3. And reply literally seconds later even if they have nothing clever to add and can't distinguish between a reply and a new comment.

      Delete
  13. And reply literally seconds later even if they have nothing clever to add.

    ReplyDelete
  14. And reply to replies literally seconds later just to see the comment total tick upwards.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Not many jokes tonight but it was still a damn good DUAN.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An anonymous soul directed me to TDK's joke in the Stevie Wonder post. I'm happy - thrilled, even - to pass that tip along to you. It's definitely laugh-out-loud funny.

      Also, Sharting has a way of starting incredible discussion threads in DUAN. That was another one.

      Delete
    2. Thanks, I was so focused on DUAN I hadn't even wandered up there. TDK does good work. Sharting and scotchnaut both had good starters tonight.

      Delete