Friday, August 10, 2012

MKMOT (August 10, 2012)

Flibbidy floo...[CUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

U...S....A! U....S...A!

I love you, ladies. From Lloyd, to Solo, to Rapinoe, to Morgan (Skeevy). You are perhaps my favorite team in all of team sports. If you ever wish to balog, you know I'm here.

Holdin' on to what's golden. Fuck yeah, Americanas. I love you like I love my dick size. Like your endless endorsement opportunities, it's open.


62 comments:

  1. Congrats on winning the most important soccer tournament in the world, ladies!

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  2. "the quiet monologue of superiority that usually runs through my head"

    - Hamilton Nolan, in his own words

    Yes, that sounds about right. Well, except the "quiet" part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought that article was pretty good. Gyms are filled with hateable "Guy Who"s.

      Delete
    2. I am not a fan of Nolan in general - I understand he's good at boxing articles, but his economic articles are generally garbage. And this article rambles a bit and feels more than a bit self indulgent.

      That said, I much prefer Nolan and this article to anonymous "Guy Who" attacks.

      Delete
    3. I'm with Dubai. I'll start reading any Nolan articles I stumble across because when he's good, he's very good. I don't always finish reading them because when he's not good, he's very bad. The fella doesn't deal in mediocre. The quote does go a little further:

      "the quiet monologue of superiority that usually runs through my head to drown out all the god damn techno music that plays at my gym endlessly"

      and the modifier softens the arrogance of the beginning. And aren't we all somewhat arrogant when we're dealing in an area where we know we're good?

      Yep. At least Nolan puts his name on his work.

      Delete
    4. Wait, is he implying that someone doesn't need an MP3 player in general at the gym, or just an iPhone? Because if it's the former I call bullshit. I've had to go to the gym without my iPod a few times and I wanted to kill myself by the time I was done working out. And not just because I was stuck listening to the shitty music my gym plays. I like to go in and not talk to anyone, because if I do I'm subjected to terrible questions like "What are you eating?" and things that make me want to quit going to the gym forever because I hate people like that, and my headphones give me a protective layer that allows me to not have to deal with those assholes. Other than that, he's pretty spot-on.

      Delete
    5. I understand the concept of working out without music. I just don't understand why anyone thinks it's a good concept.

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    6. More like HamNolanConstrictor, amirite???

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    7. I work out a gym that's way too close to Arizona State's campus, and thus is full of douchebag college bros. Even if the music being played is stuff I like, I listen to an mp3 player so that I can blare out the insipid conversations going on around me.

      Delete
    8. More like KluweBollocks, amirite???

      Idiot.

      Delete
    9. It seems clear that he's just ranting against the bulk of the iPhone as a music source, not the idea of listening to music itself, no???

      Man, we're really breaking down this article. Balog!

      Delete
    10. @ Uwe

      Motherfucker, you know you listen to a Sony Walkman cassette player at the gym*

      *the alley behind 7-11 where you lift broken milk crates, and the only people asking what you're eating are the hobos because they want to know if you're going to finish it.

      Delete
    11. @Gamboa
      You edited your original comment. Weird.

      @The Real Phin, as if anyone else would want to claim that title

      You only know this because you're one of the hobos.

      /no hobo

      Delete
  3. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 10, 2012 at 11:20 AM

    Is my shitty joke posted like eight times because Kinja?

    http://deadspin.com/5933598/miguel-cabrera-can-jump

    Can't tell if it's just my browser. Fucking shit. That's a real shitty joke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kinja's hiccuping. Seeing a lot of dupes. It tells you the comment wasn't accepted but if you hit refresh and tell it you want to leave the page the comment will be there.

      Delete
    2. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 10, 2012 at 11:49 AM

      @Erg Yeah, I have a dirt-old browser at work and it's usually glitchy as hell. I can only post a comment about 20% of the time. I can't actually view any comments today. Just a line of avatars with nothing below.

      Delete
    3. It's okay. It takes on different colors with each reading.

      Delete
  4. NOTE:

    Just to clarify for those who don't know, the crude quote in today's post actually belongs to Raekwon, and can be seen/heard in the accompanying video.

    I just had to clear that up, because I know there is a level of classiness that you've all come to expect from me. And I would never tarnish that by boasting about my massive penis. Which is massive. But I would not talk about it. My huge penis, I mean.

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    Replies
    1. Cappadonna you son of a bitch. I will fucking kill you.

      Delete
  5. Can someone help me with this riddle?

    If there's a post about track, and a burner makes a comment on it, does Raysism ever not respond?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Huh.

      I always thought Raysism was a burner.

      Delete
    2. Hey, I get one week every four years to talk about track. It's not like my responses are crowding out any tips, writers or formerly starred commenters who used to post funny jokes on Deadspin but now are nowhere to be seen.

      Delete
  6. I think this guy may be one of the those mysterious new "sources and contributors" that are part of the post-"Deadspin of DUAN" era and are crowding out people like Sweating Mullets (according to @nicknotned).

    http://deadspin.com/5933670/the-pga-tour-reminds-us-yet-again-that-south-carolina-is-a-deathswamp?comment=51748799

    I know I don't contribute nearly as much, or have as much invested, as many of you, but some days (read: everyday) Kinja just breaks my heart.

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  7. Today's blustery conditions aside, it is widely accepted that the origin of Chicago's "Windy City" moniker was in no way weather related.

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  8. Is there going to be a COTF?

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  9. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 10, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    The following is an email that got bumped around, and FW to me from a friend of mine. I have no idea how accurate it is, but it's interesting if true:



    Ok, so I have to say something and I am a little bored today as it is dead here.

    With the Howard trade, my rough estimate puts the Lakers at $98 million for a payroll next year, $28 million over the cap tax amount of 70 million.

    For 2013-14 (the year the stiff penalties come into play) the Lakers are committed to $74 million already without resigning Howard. Assuming that they would offer him a max deal of $20 million a year, they would be at $94 million with 8 guys under contract (this includes the Eyenga team option of 2.1 mil and the MWP player option of $7.7million.

    What would they do then for this situation seeing they only have half a roster and are at $94 million dollars. If they signed 7 other guys to fill their roster at an average of $2 million per year (which I see it being more, but just putting a number on it) That would put the Lakers at $108 million dollar payroll for their roster in the 2013-14 season. What does this mean in terms of tax penalties? In addition, "repeat offenders", subject to additional penalties, are defined as teams that paid tax in four of the five previous seasons. My records indicate that the Lakers were over the cap in 2009-10, 2010-11, 2011-12, 2012-13 (the last 4 years including this season coming up). So, the Lakers would be in the repeat offender category.

    Tax levels from 2013–14
    Amount over tax threshold Standard tax Repeat offender tax
    $5 million or less $1.50 $2.50
    $5 million to $10 million $1.75 $2.75
    $10 million to $15 million $2.50 $3.50
    $15 million to $25 million $3.25 $4.25


    Given my $108 million dollar salary number. That would be $38 million over the $70 million mark. That means if I understand this right, that the Lakers would be paying $161 million dollars in taxes (4.25 times 38 million). That is the payroll of 4 other teams in the NBA just in taxes.

    Sorry, that is Yankees territory right there as your payroll of $108 million plus $161 million in taxes puts your total cost of the team payroll at $269 million dollars. The Yankees spent $197 million in payroll this year, so it well exceeds that. That is 4ucked up!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to HoopsHype, they'll be at 78M with no Eyenga. One of Blake, Duhon or MWP is getting amnestied before 2013-14. Let's say it's Metta, so that's a 70M payroll.

      Also, check out the fill-in guys on the roster. They're not $2M a player. More like $1M a player. So let's call it $75M plus Dwight's $20M. $95M total, $25M over the cap.

      Now, the luxury tax doesn't accumulate like that. It's (2.50 x $5M) + (2.75 x $5M) + (3.50 x $10M) + (4.25 x $10M) = $86M in taxes.

      That's assuming a lot about the salary cap and salaries and stuff, but anyway it's probably close. And $86M in taxes is a lot, but it's definitely not unheard of.

      Delete
    2. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 10, 2012 at 4:14 PM

      @BronzeHammer That's definitely a lot more understandable. The one thing I was wondering was if the tax was calculated on a gradual scale.

      $86M in tax is still more than the actual cap itself, tho. What a buttload of money for a buttload of a franchise.

      Delete
  10. We've established a few things today 1) Bellweather is really, really dull 2) Gamboa is most of the "Guy Who's." Good on you, by the way!!1! 3) Raysisim will engage absolutely anyone on track topics, regardless of the effect on the site.

    Are there others?

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    Replies
    1. If you want to get a comment removed, mention Uwebollocks.

      Delete
    2. I'd like to propose amending that to, "If you want to get a comment removed, make it the exact same kind of grabassy inside-baseball bullshit for which you specifically have been checked multiple times in the past."

      Delete
    3. 4) You can't spell my motherfucking name.

      Delete
    4. If by "most of" the Guy Whos, you mean the ones that were blatantly obvious in the gym talk with Uwe and Phin, then yeah. But no way I'm one of those recurring, shit-stirrer Guy Whos. I hope that's clear.

      Also, that pic is fucking horrifying.

      Delete
    5. You know what, Anonymous? Ban me. (I assume you're one of the ninja/faeries etc.)

      I really don't fucking care. I am sick of this shit. You can enjoy your racist burner comments or whatever the fuck you want to do with your goddamn Kinja.

      I really like commenting on Deadspin - I really do. If this had been the old system, I would get it, but I don't have a clue as to what the boundaries are anymore.

      I'll be on Twitter if anyone needs me.

      Delete
    6. I am not, and I wouldn't ban you if I could.

      But it does seem kind of disingenuous to bemoan the loosened post-Kinja standards, while also exploiting them.

      Delete
    7. RMJ, what the fuck was the comment you put on there? I tried to follow it through Twitter, but my kids won't leave me the fuck alone for five minutes.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous,

      Surely you realize your comments narrow down your identity to a very small group of people. Why don't you just post your criticism like a buddy would, rather than like how a shitty asshole would?

      And if you think a "h/t" in-joke that was actually funny is no better than the litany of racist, off-topic, brain dead vitriolic garbage that infects the comment section right now, then your head is up your ass.

      That's me, criticizing you, with my name on it.

      Delete
    9. It seems kind of disingenuous to me to have a "just about anything goes, except for references to other commenters" policy too.

      Delete
    10. It's not my policy. I'm literally just a Guy Who saw what happened because you guys were talking about it on Twitter. But that comment wouldn't have flown pre-Kinja, and it's not at all surprising that it didn't fly now. You think the presence of bad comments makes it OK for regulars to make in-jokes? That's an honest question.

      Delete
    11. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 10, 2012 at 4:18 PM

      ...zzzzzzzzzz...

      Huh?!?!

      Oh.

      /jams thumb up ass
      //goes back to sleep

      Delete
    12. "But that comment wouldn't have flown pre-Kinja, and it's not at all surprising that it didn't fly now."

      First of all, 99% of all the comments on DS wouldn't have flown pre-Kinja. This argument is totally invalid.

      "You think the presence of bad comments makes it OK for regulars to make in-jokes?"


      You know what, yeah, I do think that. The standards have been lowered. Why can't I make jokes like that?

      The goal of Kinja is to promote discussion. Nick Denton has made that VERY clear. The fact that we're discussion a joke (and it's delivery) ought to be totally kosher. I fail to see the problem.

      I'm not backslapping every (previously) starred commenter at the turn, but I think, given the current Kinja environment, why not engage in a little bit of that? How is that out of bounds?

      Delete
    13. Well, first of all, I have no idea whether it is out of bounds. They're saying Kinja burped and consumed your thread, and given how hinky it's been lately, that may well be true. But I'm saying that if we're all disappointed by the lowering of standards, then our only logical recourse is to try to preserve the standards we believe in, correct? That's what makes sense to me.

      Delete
    14. @Anynymous

      "our only logical recourse is to try to preserve the standards we believe in"

      Not allowing in-jokes was a standard that you believed in. The only principle everyone agreed on was, "always be funny" but I don't see you defending that old pillar. Lighten up and let the community interact how it wants to. Isn't that what Kinja is all about?

      Delete
    15. I'll tell you who this Anonymous is. This is the same "Anonymous" who said that I outgrew my OLD moo moo. I didn't outgrow my old moo moo, it had HOLES in it. I bought a REPLACEMENT moo moo and I got it in a bigger size because it's more COMFORTABLE. NOT because I "outgrew my old moo moo." IT'S A REPLACEMENT

      Delete
    16. Again: I didn't do anything. I'm not refusing to "let the community interact how it wants to". I only came here to point out that it seems kind of silly to complain about a comment getting removed as though that's not exactly what would have happened to that comment at any point in Deadspin's history of having comments.

      Delete
    17. [gasp]

      Cheese-Mac???

      You would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.

      Delete
    18. I only came here to point out that it seems kind of silly to complain about a comment getting removed as though that's not exactly what would have happened to that comment at any point in Deadspin's history of having comments.

      80 percent of the comments now would have been removed. Removing one because someone is trying to have fun is fucking ridiculous. That was a million times less annoying than the terribleness that goes on in the comments now. If the absolutely horridly named "Faeries" (so fucking lame) let the Yahoo and TMZ comments sit there the way they do, it's more offensive to see one removed because it had the audacity to use another commenters name. Give me a fucking break.

      Delete
  11. Been super busy today, has there been an update on yesterday's story yet? Did the Padres end up accepting that girl's counter-offer to suck her dick?

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  12. So...

    Who wants to live balog Browns-Lions???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do I have to go to Cleveland/Detroit to do so?

      Delete
    2. Heh.

      TV works for me. Breaking news: Calvin hasn't gotten any worse.

      Delete
    3. Here's some breaking news. The Deadspin comments section sucks now.

      Delete
  13. Ha Ha....y'all's comments sections is weak!

    #I woke up to $500 direct deposited into my acount for nuthin!
    ##follow me on twitter!

    ReplyDelete