Tuesday, August 7, 2012

MKMOT (August 7, 2012)

So, I've read this 12 times now, and I still can't figure out what it's supposed to be for or against. More like, GuyWhoHatesMakingCoherentPoints, amirite???

This reminds me of that story from yesterday, or the day before. I bumped into a guy, or girl, that I went to high school, or college with. We used to be good friends, or horrible enemies. Well, he or she said something that really made me think, or masturbated a nearby cape buffalo with a flugelhorn. Anyway, I left the whole thing feeling much better about the current state of my life, or in a crippling depression fueled by inadequacy and sexual confusion.

If you like/hate something, or nothing, rant about it below. Just let it out. Don't worry if it's confusing as all hell. We don't pay you for eloquence (or sperm, by the way, so stop jerking off in the cone cups).

Coherence only means something if you understand it... Whoa. It's open.


69 comments:

  1. Allow me. As you are all aware, I am perfectly equipped to answer this mystery, given my extensive work as a Native American code-breaker during World War II. What he's trying to say is "SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. As far as Burner leaks go, I think the $6651/mo Google work from home jobs may be among the juiciest.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We may have our first bona fide Burner tip. According to Rory Connell, it appears that Raysism not have spoken to Rory Connell in the last two years.

    Please update your list of people to whom Raysism has spoken in the last eight years accordingly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People Whom Raysism Has Spoken To In Last Eight Years
      - Raysism
      - R̶o̶r̶y̶ ̶C̶o̶n̶n̶e̶l̶l̶

      updated 11:17am on 8/7/2012

      Delete
    2. This is delightful.

      Delete
    3. That's great.

      [adds Poignant Theater to list of people whom Raysism will chase down in his golf cart wearing his good jean shorts]

      Delete
    4. Ha, good stuff, Poignant.

      Delete
  4. Is this a hack job or an homage? Because it kinda looks like a hack job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...and then it is plated while a waiter thumps you on the back with a pool cue and a busboy pours scalding beef stock into your shoes!

      Delete
    2. I wish you didn't show me that. Sigh.

      Delete
    3. It's a hack job. But DaveWithaD has inspired me to change my name to something similarly clever, such as "I Like Cheap Beer with a Cyrillic Я"

      Delete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Gamboa, if you or any of the dudes who contributed to that soccer thread yesterday are around, how badly did the Canadians get fucked over on a scale of 1 to 10? Trying to ignore my bias here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's that, like, a scale of 2 to 7, american?

      Delete
    2. 2" to 7"? You've been looking at the picture of those four rowers a little too closely. GET IT, THEIR TUBE STEAKS RANGE IN SIZE BETWEEN 2 INCHES AND 7. WAIT! I AM A STRAIGHT MALE WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT PENISES LOOK LIKE, OR, ON THE CONTRARY, I COULD HAVE GROWN UP PLAYING TEAM SPORTS STARING AT PENISES IN VARIOUS STAGES OF FIRMNESS AND BE QUITE FAMILIAR WITH WHAT A BONER LOOKS LIKE, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I AM NOT A PURVEYOR OF COCKS AS IS OUR FRIEND IN THAT INCREDIBLY USEFUL POST.

      FACT; NO GAY MALE HAS SEEN AS MANY PENISES AS THE AVERAGE CANADIAN MALE HAS FROM HAVING SPENT A YOUTH PLAYING HOCKEY AND SPENDING MANY AN HOUR SAUNTERING ABOUT DRESSING ROOMS WITH NARY A TOWEL. FUCK.

      TRUST ME BRAH, I'VE SEEN A TON OF DICKS.

      Anywho, what were you getting on about?

      Delete
    3. I for one am a little embarrassed at how few dicks I've seen in my life and how helpless I am when it comes to accurately judging whether a clothed male has an erection or not. Just gets me to thinking had I not fast forwarded through all of the oral scenes on the countless hours of porn I have viewed in my life I might have been able to have an educated debate with the author of that previous post.

      Delete
    4. Shoot me an email, Madofff, and I'll send you some artsy fartsy instagram photos of my penis in various stages of tumescence.

      Delete
    5. Hey.

      As an American, I'd like to point out the bullshit foul call their keeper was given when she came way out of the net into heavy traffic and was barely touched. I'd also add that their she may have been previously warned by the ref for slow playing, and that I have seen handballs called without any apparent regard for intent ever since I've been watching soccer.

      As a Canadian, I'd be pretty fucking pissed. Not sure what those other guys from yesterday think about all this. I'll see if I can round them up. Those dudes were kind of weird.

      Delete
    6. Two and two are four
      Four and four are eight
      Eight and eight are sixteen
      Sixteen and sixteen are thirty-two

      Inch worm, inch worm
      Measuring the marigolds
      You and your arithmetic
      You'll probably go far

      Delete
    7. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd go with a 3. The six-second call is very rarely seen in the top levels of the game, but it is called on occasion, and it is on the books. So I'm not so sure what the big deal is with that one. She was reportedly warned at half-time by an assistant, and warned during the game by the head ref. ("Warned during the game" according to US players, Canadians deny it. But the ref visibly waved the goalie to play faster during the second half, so I believe the US players.)

      As for the hand ball, that's more where they got jobbed. That's a judgment call like holding in football or how the NBA "lets them play" at the end of games. Did the ball play the hand? Did the hand play the ball? Did the player make a good faith effort to keep her hands down? All up for debate. My view is that the player raised her arm, and that warrants the call. That's why most players in the Premier League and other top leagues purposely put their arms at their sides or behind their backs when charging down shots. I've seen that call numerous times before. (Much more than 6 seconds anyway). But, then again, I've seen that go un-called too: World Cup 2002, USA vs Germany, Frings keeps USA game-tying shot out of the net with his arm.

      One judgement call that could have gone either way, one random (but legitimate) call. Canadian "jobbed" factor: 3 of 10. Maybe they should have focused less on the ref, and more on holding one of their THREE leads. Suckers.

      Delete
    8. @Gambo, Talib, Guys

      I appreciate the discussion. I was quite bitter following the match, but knew that something was in the cards, what with it being at Old Trafford and Howard Webb being dressed-up as a women's football ref.

      Anyways, good talk.

      One last thing, Barry P is one of my favourite sports writers, but holy fuck is he trolling the hell out of that post. We'll see you in Toronto Barry. October 5th to 7th for Blogs With Balls 5.

      [loads bleach/maple syrup blend into water gun]

      Delete
  7. OK FINE I'LL TAKE MY PANTS OFF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was supposed to be a reply to cobra, but it works out here, too.

      Delete
    2. I got the gist of it.

      And the jizz of it.

      Delete
  8. So, I made a comment today. Not spectacular by any stretch of the imagination, but I switched to another browser and noticed I'm buried by the algorithm. For those of you who have been more diligent in their commenting, or have any knowledge of how this works, is that pretty common when you start under Kinja?

    I'm not whining, I'm just a Guy Who Is Curious (but not in the way alluded to in the rowing post kind of way, not that there's anything wrong with that of course, but given that post and the fact this MKMOT started talking about sexual confusion, I thought I'd be a Guy Who Provides Clarity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't fret too much over it. In my experience, there are very few constants in the way Kinja has been able to organize our comments thus far, and they're mostly limited to: Editors are given preference, replies are generally rewarded, and DubaiAtNight is looking up at everyone else without exception.

      You definitely won't be hearing me promote the algorithm over a chronological order, but I will begrudgingly admit that, more often than not, the best jokes are towards the front (unless Dubai dares to comment, which is evidently frowned upon).

      Delete
    2. Yeesh, I just performed this check on an incognito window and apparently I am in the same boat as you, RAC (and possibly Dubai). I've got a comment in the weightlifting post that received a +1 from MaverickIsAirborne and isn't listed in the first 9 comments. Maverick has a comment at position 4 in kinja, so his reply obviously wouldn't devalue my comment... meaning it's all on me. Meanwhile, DarthKahuna, Darkbob87, and Lamont Sanford, III (can't recall many +1s from that bunch) are sitting ahead of me with comments that have zero replies. In the "OMG Puppies" post, I've got 4 replies and sit in position 9 on kinja, behind another handle I've never heard of that has zero replies. Apparently I've done something to piss off the kinja gods/fairies. Perhaps I sent my check for the kinja personal seat license to the wrong address?

      Delete
    3. [Looks up longingly at BronzeHammer and everyone else]

      [cries]

      [waits ... looks up closer at BronzeHammer]

      [is that a ... yes, maybe ... yes it is]

      [posts to YouTube]

      Delete
    4. Reverse Apechemist

      I added a simple 'Heh' to your comment and it bumped it from 13 to 3. None of the comments yours jumped had a reply of any kind.

      Poignant Theater
      I added a short sentence with a +1 to your comment in the 'OMG Puppies' post and it bumped it from 9 to 4. Your comment in the weightlifting post shows up as number 2 with only MaverickIsAirborne's +1.

      From what I've seen Kinja likes a simple 'Heh.' more than it likes a +1. It likes a simple sentence even better, I guess because it looks like a discussion. This seems to be the effects from one of us in the unwashed masses and ignores what a +1 from one the higher ranked commenters can do.

      Those who have that little extra 'oomph' all seem to have it with good reason. This argues that it's possible that others can gain this power by making enough 'star level' comments. Thus, you guys can gain at least a little bit of your former status if you continue to do your former good work.

      This comes from my own poking around and attempting to bump some good comments over some of the ones I had rather not had to read and is in no way an endorsement of my actions or a surety that what I've said is the actual truth of 'How Kinja Works'. It may help to explain some of my somewhat wordy +1's and I'll stop doing them if they bother anybody.

      Oh, almost forgot. Using the windows refresh doesn't always show a reshuffling of comment order. Sometimes you need to hit the refresh button by the line of replies to the post. And it can take a short amount of time before the comments are reordered.

      I am spending way too much time trying to figure out this Kinja stuff.

      Delete
    5. And I did forget this.

      There also seems to be a chronological factor in Kinja. Given no replies to a comment, the older the comment, the farther to the right it goes. I have seen +1's lined up in descending chronological order. It's kind of a first in, first buried ranking as long as the comment receives no replies.

      Delete
    6. Please please, you don't need to call me Reverse Apechemist. Mr. Chemist will be just fine.

      [Thanks for the info!]

      Delete
  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Should I have lower-cased "Eagles" here?

    http://deadspin.com/5932500/?comment=51644760

    ReplyDelete
  11. Holy shit, that linked video in the text of the Russian high jumper story is fucking hilarious. This guy could not be a better caricature. I had never heard of him before. Other than actually being good at his sport, I envision him as a real life Milos from Seinfeld.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He had more poise than Mark Sanchez!

      Keep up the great work, GamBROa.

      Delete
    2. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 7, 2012 at 4:39 PM

      That youtube clip of him drunk is just as good. I can't wait for the inevitable reality show that follows him and Alex Ovechkin around as they try to start a cupcake delivery business.

      Delete
    3. That's the one I was referring to. Thus "in the text". I didn't really know how to say it. I'm not strong communicate.

      Delete
    4. Bellwether JohnsonAugust 7, 2012 at 4:54 PM

      The missing shirt one is just as good. I now have a visual to go with the imagination of my college pot dealer jumping 7 1/2 feet.

      Delete
  12. Seeing a guy by the handle "DeadspinMoreLikeGAYSPIN" trolling Dom (who inexplicably responded) really shows me that I've been wrong to only intermittently check in on Deadspin the last few weeks.

    And was Barry doing performance art? If the mantra is don't feed the trolls, was Barry trying to bait them so some fat guy could stomp them to death?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree 100%.

      I feel certain part of the Kinja overhaul is a directive that staff engage the comment section. And I know that doling out +1s is not going to cut the mustard for the man upstairs. But is it totally off-the-wall bonkers to suggest that our extremely talented, intelligent and interesting crew of editors and contributors could make some jokes? That's not me bitching or telling someone how to do his job, I'm just wondering whether it might be more fun/productive than deliberately pissing off a bunch of trolls.

      And at this point, for better or worse, there are at least some more germane discussions made by non-burners going on. I don't get why they encourage the absolute worst of the internet to stick around. For all the excellent work the Faeries are doing behind the scenes, I feel like the rest of Deadspin is working against them.

      Delete
    2. Them saying "don't feed the trolls" is like Howard Stern saying "Oh come on, stop it" after Stuttering John fires off some horribly offensive comment. You can lose your thick eyeglasses and pet a horseshoe crab and say "nice doggie," but it's still a fucking horseshoe crab.

      Or maybe we could start expecting less of a place that's 44% reliant on things shaped like dicks and phunny photos.

      Delete
  13. Well, I entered foreign territory and posted at Gawker.

    http://gawker.com/5932674/?comment=51650696

    I'm kind of excited to see how it turns out. Probably ignored, but at least I can say I was there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amazing. It could be on Deadspin. Even the burners are okay.

      Delete
    2. They must not get much humor over there. It seems as though my comment killed it. I don't get it.

      Delete
  14. You know, I just typed some shit in here praising Freeman and asking his advise and this gosh darned robot stopper totally screwed me up.

    So, great comment McNeil, can you suggest a bday present for my aging wife. (cheap one)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh. I've started [Ctrl][C]ing every comment I make here because I've had to retype so many. I had to hit refresh 6 times on my last post before something popped up I could decipher.

      I'm going to miss Freeman now that he's a Gawker superstar.

      Delete
    2. I have no idea what we're talking about. And isn't "Gawker Superstar" some sort of pop song?

      Delete
    3. I am truly amazed. That's the first Deadspin type comment I've ever seen on Gawker that didn't get one "you're an idiot" or even something from someone who took the comment seriously. Even the burners were good.

      And "Gawker Superstar" is either an oxymoron or something no one with an ounce of self-respect would ever aspire to become.

      Delete
  15. So do you have a present suggestion Erg?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shit, that's so Kinja Eric, you dumbass.

      Delete
    2. Post a request in DUAN. This recognition thing is getting tiresome. Interests?

      Delete
    3. No, that scares me. Less burners here, and might get better (funnier) answers here.

      Delete
    4. Does she need a new jacket or coat for the coming fall & winter? Has she ever had a pedicure? Perhaps a grubbing hoe for gardening?

      Delete
    5. Salon gift certificate for a one hour deep tissue massage. Not one of those shitty, rub and tug massage places.... not that I know about those. But instead a fancy place where everything smells like potpourri and men aren't welcome. That should make the aging wife happy. Mine is always pleased and that means she's off my back for a while.

      Delete
    6. All great ideas. I'm fucked.

      Where would the grubbing hoe sleep? That's more like a present for me.

      Delete
    7. Oh. Mrs. Erg is our gardener. I just provide the occasional tilling & heavy lifting. The grubbing hoe is her first line of defense against the dreaded highly poisonous three-fanged garter snake. There's been many a snake who's last thought was, "Why is she screaming for help? I'm the one getting chopped into little bi..."

      Delete
    8. Oh, I thought it was one of those girls that sroll the streets near where I work.

      Delete