Friday, August 31, 2012

MKMOT (August 31, 2012)

Well it's almost September, and in the spirit of change I thought we'd offer something new* here at the old balog: 

The Airing Of Petty Grievances

In my estimation, there isn't nearly enough complaining about insignificant issues on the internet. In almost every Facebook post or comment section you see, it's all wow the waitress brought my dressing on the side just like I asked this and the line is kinda long, but at least it's moving quickly that and man, the free wifi here is so reliable, I really appreciate it! Maybe I'm a crazy person, but that seems like a lot of poppycock.

So I present this open forum to you in a search for truth. If there is something minor irking you, get it off your chest. Old lady writing in her check register at the supermarket? Not enough ice in your iced coffee? Fast forwarding the DVR too far, then reversing too far, and ending up watching like, 15 seconds of commercials? Comments from Deadspin editors automatically being the "featured comment"? You get the idea.

So why not share it today? Nothing could possibli go wrong.



*h/t Sienfeld, of course

30 comments:

  1. GAAAH!

    h/t Trey Kerby via GourmetSpud via David Hume via Twitter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What the fuck is that?!

      [starts building Skinner boxes]

      Delete
    2. It's news to me. Apparently such a thing as "all ages" nightclubs exist. They're extremely disturbing.

      Delete
    3. Just shows to go you: no matter what their age-restrictions, clubs are for degenerates.

      Now, dive bars? That's where the real people is.

      Delete
    4. Universal Enveloping AlgebraAugust 31, 2012 at 11:21 AM

      Come on, SbV8, put up a warning! I clicked that link and now I'm getting arrested!

      I guess masturbating in my office is against the law.

      Delete
    5. I'm beginning to look forward to that downhill slide into senility. My hope right now is that some of those kids' parents stumble across those pictures. Although some of them will likely think they're just precious.

      Delete
    6. WARNING: The above link involves children at nightclubs. It is as horrible and uncomfortable as you would expect. If you're witnessed viewing these out of context, questions may be asked or assumptions may be made.

      Delete
    7. So many children of privilege, so little sarin gas.

      Delete
    8. I opened the link on my laptop, at home, and immediately put myself on four government watch lists.

      Delete
    9. Now I'm sitting here trying to decide if I want to ask my daughter and son-in-law if they'd be willing to talk to their 15 & 11 year old nieces about this. Knowledge is important. But I truly wish there were some things that one did not need knowledge of because they don't exist.

      Delete
  2. You ever get to the drive in at the bank, and each lane is taken? So you sorta straddle between the lanes so you can take whichever opens first, then some asshole drives up behind you and you're forced to pick one lane over the other, but then the car in the lane you didn't pick leaves first, and the asshole behind you is now served before you? Fuck that noise.

    ReplyDelete
  3. People who use the terms "pick six" for an INT returned for a TD, "flip the script" or "chillax" need to be beaten to death with a sack of oranges. If you use those terms, you need to stop. Immediately. You are killing language.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You ever take your meds, then realize that they weren't really your meds but rather a huge steaming pile of dog crap that you brought inside, stuck in your freezer overnight, then cut up into little circles because the voices in your head said it was a good idea? Then because they weren't really your meds, the voices in your head just kept shouting louder and louder until you stabbed them with a rusty fork. Now you've got a rusty fork stuck in your head, and it was your last fork so now you're forced to eat your pork chop with chopsticks? That really is the worst.

    Man, I fucking hate pork chops.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeez Dubai, are you ok? You should try to relax, man.

      Delete
    2. I think it's the swine. Messing with that unclean shit fucks your head up.

      Delete
    3. You're right - I need to relax. I found the Xanax. I'll just have a few dozen and then all should be better.

      [Waits]

      Yup, feeling better.

      [Waits, decides to test waters]

      [Reads Gawker's comment section with a lightly amused smile, appreciating the beauty of mankind's ability to produce well-reasoned and articulated opinions.]

      OK, that's better.

      Delete
    4. Sorry DAN, but there is no drug powerful enough to do that.

      Delete
  5. You are heartrending-ly adorable, you are bright, and you are very much of me, born of a frozen moment in time between me and someone I love very much.

    But if you do not eat this third fucking breakfast I have prepared for you AT YOUR SPECIFIC REQUEST, my beautiful, beautiful baby girl, I will squat on your face and fart on you until you are dead, dead, dead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These Google commercials are taking a dark turn.

      Delete
  6. You ever decide to be a decent human being and hold the door for an old lady behind you while leaving a restaurant, only to have her let the other 9-person party approaching the door at the same time go first? Then you have to stand there like an idiot smiling and saying "You're welcome." to six-of-the-nine strangers who were raised with manners while waiting for the original lady to get through, only to find out that she's waiting for somebody, and wasn't actually going to use the door anyway? Then you realize the people you were with just kept on walking without, and now you need to lightly jog past the nine people that you just held the door for in order to catch up? That's always infuriating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As annoying as that is, it is much worse on the way in to the restaurant when that party of 9 gets to the host before you.

      Delete
    2. [calls back to Mrs. Erg from the host station over the sprawled bodies of 9 people in various states of consciousness and confusion]

      "I forgot, do we have seven, or eight people coming?"

      Delete
  7. Well that's just great Buddyrow. Did you realize there are 15 cars behind you? Every one of which could have made the light if the gap created by you letting out that one car that just pulled up from the parking lot hadn't existed? And that one car would have made it too because he wouldn't have hesitated to make sure you really were letting him out. Of course he did make the light, as did you. But here the rest of us sit while you happily pat yourself on the back for being Mr. Wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The youngest, now 3, climbs into bed with me after her mother leaves for work at butt-ass early in the morning. This morning I awoke, struggling for breath, because the sleeping toddler was smothering me with a stuffed dolphin.

    Chalk the wasted breakfast up as a goodwill payment to the assassin now living with you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. GUYS! GUYS! THERE'S A KIMCHI TACO TRUCK 10 BLOCKS AWAY! DROP EVERYTHING UNTIL WE GET BACK!

    ReplyDelete
  10. [said to Mrs. Erg while trying to figure out how to install a new drive belt on the lawn mower]

    I know you're anxious to get that done but I have asked you before to not make me think about a job when I'm in the middle of something else. Otherwise you're the one who's going to explain to people why a Briggs & Stratton engine is mounted on the side of the new flat screen.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Who the fuck came up with the terrible two's? Because I have a 5 yr old who is currently running through the apartment counting backwards from 4, while periodically stopping to eat cereal because it's the only god-damn thing he'll eat. At least I can put a 2 yr old in a cage, I mean crib.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All ages are terrible. Anticipate the teens, borrowing cars & money, not returning either. College years, stripping your house to furnish their 10x10 cell, the after college years where the free area in your paid for home looks like 1) a hoarders episode, B)A storage Wars $150.00 locker.

      Kids, gotta love 'em or they'd be dead and you in prison.

      Delete