Monday, October 1, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 19 (October 1, 2012)

True story- I used to work at this one place where I supervised other people, and every time I heard the faintest strains of this song from my office, I would immediately walk out to the place where their musical device was located and turn the volume all the way down to silence. And it was a way too common occurrence. Sure, I may not have been the most popular boss in the world. But I like to think that those girls benefited from my tough love, which is the same reason I was always sure to provide a detailed list of their weaknesses when called on to provide references after they walked away like quitters. I wonder where they all are now... I digress.

Supposedly this goof was some kind of something in the British Army. I fact checked it! This causes all kinds of conflict for me. Both in terms of my long-standing, undying respect for military men; and my reasonable comfort level with our global allies. Look, he may be a legitimate guy who has some kind of cred in snobby music circles. Most quirky troubadour types who carry around an acoustic guitar and perform under a common man name are. Maybe he's done some good stuff, I don't know. But I'll never find out. You never get a second chance at a first impression, and this guy tortured me with his over and over and over again. I'm afraid it's irreversible.

Why? That's the question this craptastic power(less) ballad has left me tortured by. Why did it become what it did? Why, oh why, did this happen? (seriously, take a long look at that).  And why couldn't this have been the other man on the subway?

OK, that may have been a bit much. It's Monday. Pent up HATE. Perhaps you'd like to set a more pleasant tone below. I know we won't be fighting over this one. At least there's that, right? RIGHT???

It's open.


32 comments:

  1. Even if the song weren't like someone slowly rubbing a tiny balloon inside your inner ear-- and it is-- the lyrics are such a lazy, mock-sincere toss-off-of-a-come-on, it sounds like "writing for women" by someone who hates both writing and women. He's like a lazy date rapist. It might as well be called, "Come On and Blow Me In The Bathroom, You Stupid F*cking Cow (I Can't Believe Anyone Actually Buys This Sh*t)."

    And he really can't believe it, either.

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    Replies
    1. If there was any question about the wise-ness of letting Marv spew out day after day of horrible hateful music, pitting us seasoned internet exeprts and brothers-in-deadspin-arms in holy auditory combat against one another, I believe we have justification in the form of SaveToFavorites calling James Blunt a, quote, "Lazy Date Rapist"

      Delete
    2. Wait, there was ever a doubt???

      That article is great, though. Thanks for the link.

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    3. Wow, that is a completely perfect description. +1

      Also, "lazy date rapist" is both the best and most awful expression ever. Well done.

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    4. I also love the fact that Noel Gallagher of Oasis moved out of his home after Blunt moved in next door because, and I'm quoting verbatim, he "can’t stand the thought of Blunt writing crap tunes up the road."

      Goddamn that guy's funny.

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    5. Did you ever think when you first heard of the Gallaghers that they'd end up being the dickheads you kinda loved?

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    6. Yes, but I'm the rare diehard Oasis fan. Their dickheadishness only helps their cause with me.

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    7. I'm a fan. Oasis will not be on the list.

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    8. Yup. I'm also a fan of theirs.

      Delete
  2. YAH BEAUTIFAH-HALL
    YAH BEAUTIFAH-HALL
    YAH BEAUTIFALL, EEEHTS TRUE!

    This song makes my skin crawl.

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    Replies
    1. Really. It's actually hard to joke about it-- this song, and the success it had, actually make me a little angry.

      Delete
  3. That's a brave choice, like a beauty pageant contestant hoping for world peace.

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  4. His love is PURE! (Hammered home by the driven snow.)That's a little too deep for you ass gaskets.

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  5. Normally I prefer a sturdy oak barrel, something with eight uniform vertical boards connected with a lacquered cinch. But in this case any old container would suffice. As to the prey, usually some basic cod or bass is good enough, but it's possible that this case demands something finer, like swordfish or wild Alaskan salmon. And while I prefer a crossbow like the heroine on NBC's wildly popular antebellum electricity period piece Revolution (Check your local listings), a firearm of most sorts will get the job done.

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  6. I almost feel like this low hanging fruit was beneath you Marv. I can give you a pass but challenge us. This is sort of the Oprah Book Club of Hate.

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    Replies
    1. It's a Monday morning-- perfect time for a little comfort hate, no?

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    2. No requirements here but honest, personal HATEred. This fits the bill, as do several other far more controversial selections.

      How quickly you all forget...

      Delete
  7. Unpopular opinion alert.

    I do not understand the appeal of GIFs at all. If they're embedded in an article, they distract me to the point where I literally cover them up with my hand while I read the text near them. They significantly slow down browsers, are often laggy in their playback, and they don't have the start/stop functionality that a short video provides.

    This isn't exclusive to Deadspin by any means, but now that we have one that is front and center on the homepage, I decided to address it.

    Is anybody else with me on this, or am I on my own here? If I'm on my own, what am I missing about them that is so great?

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    1. Sorry, IMG. I still don't get it.

      It's a funny clip, but is it really that much better the 24th time around? If Burke had just edited it down to a 10 second video instead of GIFing it, you would still have sound and it would always run in real-time instead of slowing loading its way through the first three loops. All you would have to do is click replay, and you could watch it as many times as your heart desires.

      Delete
    2. Sure, but you can do things with a photo you can't do with a GIF. Look, I was being tongue in cheek. Most GIFs are painfully dreadful. I just find this particular one to be hysterical.

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    3. No disrespect to the folks who work hard on 'em, but they're a real drag. Tough to view on mobile, distracting, etc. Not a big fan.

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    4. Universal Enveloping AlgebraOctober 1, 2012 at 11:49 AM

      The fact that the main graphic on the page is an animated GIF means I basically can't access the site on my (admittedly very shitty) netbook. Awesome!

      Delete
    5. GIF's are another example that just because you can do a thing, that doesn't mean you should do a thing. And don't get me started on GIF's as avatars. Look at me! Look at me!

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    6. Agreed. Also, shiny objects easily distract me fro...
      Hey! Someone in my office has a new Cross® pen.

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    7. This is an unpopular opinion? I thought this was the general consensus.

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    8. @SbV8

      Apparently, I was wrong. I've just never seen anyone speak out against them and now that every sports blog in the universe has began using them, I assumed that it was because readers liked them. Reading everyone's responses here has made me feel quite a bit better about my disdain for them.

      Delete
  8. @IMG It appears we don't agree on much. But we do agree on Sharting's comment.

    I'm okay with that.

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  9. Man, that McCoy story is absolutely killing me right now. I used to play soccer against a "portly" young fellow who would utter "BOOM!" whenever he kicked the ball, but this is even funnier than that.

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  10. More like James Cunt, amirite amigos!?!?!

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