Tuesday, October 2, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 20 (October 2, 2012)

HATE, like history, repeats itself. And we have our first repeat offender.

We've already gotten jiggy with HATE, now let's take it down South. That's right, it's time we revisit the undisputed rap king of Philly Bel Air Miami, and explore his homage to his city that has become nothing more than a geographical "bottle of Cris" hometown.

This song has it all. A watered-down, yet still annoying sample and beat, a chorus straight out of Crappy Rhyming 101, and lyrics that would be laughable for those who can laugh while fuming. I'm pretty sure the rest of the song wrote itself once the words "Bentley", "Ay papi", and "Sylvester Stallone" were jotted down. Miami!

I'm still having a hard time believing that this shitty ditty wasn't commissioned by the Miami Heat for arena use only. For if it isn't NBA team local-centric time out music, I don't know what is. It certainly has no place beyond those walls. We get it. Miami is where rappers and other "ballers" go to "pop Cris" and find "Mamis" "in da club"! I believe there might even be some "whips" and "flossing" involved. Stuart Scott and Stephen A. Smith tell me so much with their sly "What Happens In Vegas!1!!1!" style allusions to "South Beach" EVERY FUCKING TIME A SPORTS STORY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MIAMI. Oh, the debauchery! Mortal squares like myself dare imagine!!!

Look, I know Ali told this guy that he's the greatest. BUT THAT'S BECAUSE TATYANA HAS HAD TROUBLE FINDING WORK!1!!1! If you think that joke was bad, click the play icon. Have you ever yearned for Pitbull? You will.

It's open.


18 comments:

  1. If you replace, "Miami" with "Negaunee," you'll have a bunch of white people at a wedding reception, that could spell doom for the groom.

    Snoop ain't got shit on my rapping power.

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  2. Yeah, the song is a piece of shit, but any artist forward-thinking enough to put a pre-fame Eva Mendes cameo in their video deserves...um......

    /rewinds to 1:08 thirty times.

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  3. Good work, Marv. I was worried you blew your Will Smith hate on the first song, and would overlook an even more serious offender of federal, state, and local anti ass-sucking statutes.

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  4. Have you ever yearned for Pitbull?

    After watching this video, yeah, I'm there.

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  5. Just curious: when any non-Miami-native talks wistfully about Miami party experiences or waxes desirously about taking a future trip there for the clubbing... does it make you think less of them? If so, is it just a little less, or a lot?

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    Replies
    1. Does this person have a history of saying "What happens in Vegas...?"

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    2. Like he/she gets royalties from the Convention & Visitors Authority AND Ashton Kutcher.

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    3. Welcome to el Condado de HATE.

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  6. Hey, IMG, this guy came up with a Bristol, Connecticut/ESPN/Levi Johnston/Bristol Palin joke! It was fucking genius. Posting it here because I feel like you'll really enjoy it.

    http://deadspin.com/5948234/?post=53156488

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    Replies
    1. OOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFT!

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    2. You know at the end of the notebook where they agree to die together? Hold me, TDK.

      (Spoiler alert)

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    3. http://mkmultimatebastard.blogspot.com/2012/06/didnt-we-cover-this.html

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    4. @Marv

      Um...does this mean I still can't make John Kruk/Lance Armstrong jokes?

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    5. Okay. So the answer is still no.

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    6. @Erg

      We'll just chalk that one up as a mistake of youth.

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    7. Not sure of where you think you made a mistake but one day I'll come up with something and you'll be as befuddled as John Kruk in a "Count the Pairs of Your Body" contest.

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