Wednesday, October 31, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 44 (October 31, 2012)

Well, this is it. Grief counselors are standing by in the comment section. Feel free to use them. It's funny that Seinfeld was mentioned yesterday, because we are going back to the old format- a balog about nothing. However, if you have any suggestions or any interest in possibly doing a guest piece, feel free to drop me an e-mail. I check it at least monthly. Remember, the 50 days may be up, but the HATE will live on.

On that note, I believe I recently voiced my opinion on non-additive covers. And I probably don't need to explain my position on this band. I really could have chosen their other song any of their other songs, but this one is probably the most indefensible. Seriously, what did this add to the original? Exponentially inferior vocals and an obnoxious organ? SIGN ME UP!!! Naturally, it was a hit, but if we've learned nothing else from this exercise, we should take a good hard look at this list and realize that the American public has a long way to go when it comes to HATE. I'm here to do my part.

The good music returns tomorrow. Regardless of what lies above it, the space below is what matters. It was yours for the last 50 days, and it remains as such. I can't make you use it, but don't say I didn't remind you. It's open.


24 comments:

  1. Marv - tip o the cap to your efforts. I will miss not hitting play on clips of yesteryear's heinous mistakes. That said, you missed the number 1 tune of all time...
    PURE HATE.

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    1. Interesting take. Feel free to expound.

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    2. With a song like this, it is nearly impossible to separate the hate for “the song” from the hate for what the song has come to “represent”. Yet it is this double whammy that combines to push this badboy to the top echelon of hate.

      Let’s start with the sounds. Whining and plaintive vocalizations over and over? Whining and plaintive vocalizations over and over! Up-down signing intonations and speed-up / slow-down pacing that are such a painfully transparent and needy attempt to lend airs of grandiose importance to the song…good god, it’s cringeworthy. Yet, somehow, when this shit gets played, the ears of the musically clueless masses perk right up and they gobble it down like starving wolves. Now, my general musical philosophy is to “like what I like, and for the rest, don’t worry about it”. That is possible with Will Smith, or even Nickelback. But not with this song. Oh no. We are all in this 8 minute long musical journey together when Don McLean takes over the airwaves.

      To call this a lyrical abomination is not nearly enough. It’s not just that Guy rhapsodizes about phony Americana in a way John Cougar only wet dreams about. It’s that it pulls at the heartstrings of dipshit teens and nostalgic assholes (i.e. nearly everybody), despite being void of any real meaning. (Actually, I don’t know, and definitely don’t care, if there is “real meaning”. But the snippets themselves are junior high diary entries.) We have so few songs in common-knowledge, in which pretty much everyone knows the music AND lyrics. Due to the musical and lyrical gimmicks, this one has stuck around as America’s answer to the traditional Irish pub song. So, you end up with people “celebrating”, arm-over-shoulder, the death of music. IT EVEN SAYS SO IN THE SONG!!! Awful.

      This song makes me fucking shiver, you hear me Don McLean…so mission fucking accomplished. Asshole.

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    3. See, this song is just "there" for me. No real reason to HATE it, but that's probably because I haven't suffered from overexposure to it. Although it is ridiculously repetitive. It just falls into the "harmless" category for me.

      Disagree on the Will Smith/Nickelback point, since it was impossible for me to avoid. But this was well done. You should have done my write-ups.

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  2. Is this where we come to bitch about Mumford and Sons? I hope so, those guys are twats.

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  3. Everything else pales to this little ditty that brings on nothing so much as massive nausea.

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  4. Will this feature be replaced with 50 Days of Love? Just brainstorming here, but this should get you started:

    - candy
    - boobs
    - finding a twenty in an old jacket
    - puppies
    - sweater puppies (see also: boobs)
    - the old lady going the speed limit turning in the opposite direction from you
    - Finding an new episode of House Hunters on your dvr when you thought there were no new episodes coming
    - Keeping a hidden box of Lucky Charms where your kids can't find it
    - Running into an old girlfriend who has really porked up
    - the end of election season
    - slipping movie or tv quotes into conversations at serious business meetings, and no one except one other guy gets it, and he's dying over there trying not to laugh
    - heading to your kid's karate lessons to find the dojo warming up to the melodic wonders of Who's Johnny?
    - walking into the burrito shop and the guy behind the counter asks "the regular?"
    - Youtube videos of funny animals
    - making lists

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    1. You had me until the "kids" part.

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    2. +1000 on "end of election season."

      And House Hunters. Crown molding, upgraded appliances, open floorplan and great for entertaining or GTFO!!!

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    3. A yard for our dog to runaround in (because our Pomeranian needs more than 5,000 square feet of indoor space to stretch her legs), a room to do my scrapbooking (because you can’t do proper scrapbooking without the right setup and dedicated space), a dual vanity in the master bathroom (because I refuse to have to brush my teeth in the same fucking disgusting sink that my nasty ass husband does) and only show me homes that are at least $200,000 over my budget or GTFO!

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    4. Oh, yes. I think I DUANed about this show when I used to comment. Don't they ALWAYS pick the one that's "over budget"??? It's the American way!

      Yet somehow they still always have money left for the "3 months later" wine and cheese party with their nerdy friends.

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    5. “Now I know you can’t afford this house, but just look how much better it is than the homes you can afford! It has everything on your wish list and you can probably get a good 5 years out of it before you go into foreclosure.”

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    6. "Remember, the $450/mo HOA fee covers all the amenities, including a nice gym that will greatly enhance the chances of your 4 year old earning that football scholarship."

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    7. Guys, don't look into how the sausage is made on that show. Just don't. It's like finding out Santa is real, only he does a bunch of fucked up shit like using a consumer-focused marketing survey team to find out what kids want for Christmas.

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    8. Boobs, tits, jugs, and quietly making a vicious, subtle joke in a work setting that slays the only other person who caught it - just the best.

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  5. Marv, I just escaped from a post-apocalyptic New Jersey to ask your opinion: What are your thoughts on this song?

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  6. I’m in big trouble guys! I live in New York and fortunately for me my area wasn’t devastated by the storm and I didn’t have to miss a day of work (thank god for that, I feel so responsible). I typically bring lunch in every day (I’m so thrifty) -the same cold-cut wrap/granola bar/yogurt medley that my palate gets no tasteful benefit from anymore whatsoever. I find that while I am at work it is best to not enjoy any part of my day, including lunch, so I make sure that my food is only a source sustenance.

    On Monday the office consisted of me and 4 other coworkers. I live only a few blocks from my office, which is super convenient and great just about every day other than when there is a huge mother nature event. As long as one person comes in that day I really have no excuse not to – “Oh, I opened my door and started getting rainded on and the wind almost blew my hair out of place, the one block walk was just too much, I had to turn back.” Upon arriving that day in my suit and tie I was reminded by each of my 4 other miserable companions that “you know you don’t have to wear a suit and tie when there’s a hurricane.” - “Wow really?!?! You mean I could have come to work in the comfort of slacks, shoes and a button down shirt?! I can take off my tie and unbutton my top button now?! Hurricane work days rock!!”

    Anyway, the partner in charge on Monday decided that work would treat us to lunch since we were such good lemmings for coming in that day. Only problem is that the local eateries weren’t open during the biggest work lunch takeout hurricane day of the year. Thankfully, the gas station/deli you-would-never-actually-get-food-from-unless-it-was-the-only-place-open was the only place open (savvy business move on their part). Well they say that any free lunch is a good lunch (unless it is actually is worse than the lunch you had already brought in).

    The following day as the storm subsided our work force grew by 3. We now had 8 lemmings plugging away. As luck would have it we were again the winners of free lunch for being the most reliable (spineless) employees in the office. This time we had a bigger selection to order from and lunch was actually enjoyable. The best 6 slices of pizza I ever ate during the end of a hurricane at my desk while I propose fantasy football trades to my friends who were all sleeping from the binge drinking the night before because no one had work that I knew of but me in my life!

    Now Wednesday rolls around and the work force is fully intact. I’m telling you I can’t get enough of my coworkers’ power outage stories, as each tries to top the other one so they can prove they had no earthly way of coming to work the past few days. I mean how could they come to work if they couldn’t watch television to get them to sleep the night before? Well a full work force means the free lunch ride is over. Luckily for me I still had a backup plan - my Monday stowaway lunch. As I began to feast on my lunch, I noticed that it did not have the same texture or muted taste that I have come to tolerate over the years. I began to try and solve this riddle and as I finished the last bite of my lunch it finally came to me – perhaps, as unlikely as it may sound, my office had lost power somewhere during the last 3 days of the hurricane. I have no way to prove this hypothesis, but I assure you it is very plausible. I spent the next 5 minutes contemplating self-purging. I have now decided to accept my fate. It is a fate I am comfortable with. I will live with my decision. I won’t fight it. So here I sit, so young, so scared, so unsure of what awaits me. So say a prayer for me my friends.

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    1. Purge if you must. This balog needs you.

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  7. I get the impression that in order to forget about these most hated of songs, Marv is enjoying the timeless melodies of Katy Perry and Pink. Since he didn't include anything by either, I can only assume he loves their music.
    If anyone needs me, I'll be in the cubicle by Column J4 rocking out to queefcore, same as any other work day.

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    1. Neither Katy Perry or Pink has done anything remotely close to offensive enough to make this list. In fact, a few of their songs might be classified as guilty pleasures for me, if the guilt is necessary. Don't go turning this into me seeking out or owning any of this stuff, doing so for merely not including it on a list of 50 would be playing fast and loose with the facts. But it isn't ear-grinding, rage-inducing, mandatory instant station-changing material for me. FIGHT ME!*

      *then hold me afterwards

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    2. OK, I actually LIKED this performance. And that "Like a Pill" song or whatever it's called.

      PILLOWFIGHT ME!!!

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