Top Ten Little Known Perks To Winning The Republican Presidential Nomination
10. Can use campaign funds to finally pimp out MySpace page the way you've always wanted to.
9. Chance to make cameo in next Final Destination sequel.
8. Front of the line privileges at participating Cheesecake Factories.
7. SuperPAC can use unlimited funds to reunite Lords of Acid.
6. Dick Armey gives amazing back rubs.
5. Campaign issued Blackberry comes loaded with sudoku and tic tac toe.
4. Delivering the party's keynote address on national television is an incredible opportunity to secure that Golden Palace endorsement.
3. Obama almost always offers a heartfelt pat on the backside after demolishing you in the debate.
2. MKM will make hilarious intelligent jokes about you on Deadspin -- ohmigod, he totally knows you exist!
1. Toby Keith endorsement song: not Red Solo Cup!