Friday, March 23, 2012

MKM Open Thread (Mar. 23, 2012)

Welcome to your MKM Blog open thread for March 23, 2012, the day you reconsidered the importance of a free press.  

Goooood morning, everyone.  Hey, it's Friday, and man has it been a long week for some of us.  But it only gets worse now, because the fucking Hunger Games movie is out, which means there is now going to be pressure on me to finish that horrible book.  I think I'm going to turn it into a game where I have a drink every time the author uses hackneyed prose to make a trite point in a nonsensical story line.  I should make it through about a paragraph before I empty my handle.

Anyway, that's still a few hours away.  For now, be funny, and don't be unfunny.  Here's a Youtube clip to get you started.


81 comments:

  1. The University of Florida -- greatest sports program of the 21st century, or greatest sports program of the 21st century?

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    1. And, coming in 2014, academic accreditation!

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    2. Raysism, Esq., Phi Beta Kappa, COTM, COTY (in process)March 23, 2012 at 11:19 AM

      2011 National Merit Students Enrolled:

      155: Florida
      154: Princeton
      149: UNC Chapel Hill
      139: Stanford
      138: U. Penn
      128: MIT
      37: UVA

      /Boom and Roasted
      //Yes, we are as annoying of a fan base as you would expect

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    3. 2011 National Jorts Award - Presented by Levis & Scissors
      (Awarded for outstanding achievement in Jorts awareness)

      1st Place - FLORIDA!!!!!!!!
      2nd Place - Anywhere else in the SEC
      3rd Place (tie) - UMASS/Providence

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    4. That's actually really funny. No one makes more fun of our jorts problem than UGA, and half of their fan base wears jorts. We just wear them more often because of the heat.

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    5. As a transplant to the bay area from up north, I was taken aback my first year or two at the sheer numbers of jorts-wearers, and the brashness with which said jorts-wearers sport their jorts. Dress 'em up with loafers and a polo! Dress 'em down with a camo tee with the sleeves cut off and no shoes at all! So versatile! Wear to work, hunting, weddings, the beach (!?!?), the big game, funerals (black denim)!

      But yea, Florida is a good school I guess. My cousin goes to med school there and likes it ...

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    6. @ Talib

      That's funny, my cousin went to meth school there but I think he just got burned out.

      /doesn't actually know if Florida has a meth problem, guessing it does
      //still very bitter about last night

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    7. You are presenting a statistical illusion by using overall numbers instead of proportional percentages, Ray. Your logic is flawed! Hunger Games rules!

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    8. Here's a logic puzzle for you, smarty: Would you rather be at (A) a school surrounded by 1,000 other very smart kids, or (B) at a school surrounded by 1,000 other very smart kids, who are in turn surrounded by 40,000 other sorta-smart to not-so-smart kids, which latter group includes a relatively high percentage of really hot girls and elite athletes?

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    9. Also, in case you can't see my tongue in my cheek, I'm just fucking around on a Friday. In no way is Florida comparable to Princeton or Stanford or MIT. I went to law school at a place like that, so I'm very aware of the differences.

      But we do have really, really hot girls.

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    10. Well, you were wrong. The answer was, in fact, (B) the University of Florida. Everyone should want to go there. Unless you don't like humidity. Or close proximity to really red-necky religious nuts. Or you can afford a better school. Or don't get in-state tuition. Or don't like Florida.

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    11. Gamboa: It's scary how good the U has become of late. I'd send my kids there. And go to their parties. You know, just to keep an eye on them.

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    12. Ray, glad you were joking and all, but I don't think many people consider FIU Law to be on the level of Princeton, Stanfurd, or MIT (only one of which, technically speaking, has a law school).

      Anyway, Florida sucks, though I do sorta like Flo Rida.

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    13. I hate to rely on honors bestowed on students/alumni, but the U boasts the nation's largest number of back-to-back Commenter of the Fortnight winners. I really think that's where it turned the corner. Or maybe through diligent fund-raising and an increasingly selective admissions process. But probably the COTF thing.

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    14. Would you rather be at (A) a school surrounded by 1,000 other very smart kids, or (B) at a school surrounded by 1,000 other very smart kids, who are in turn surrounded by 40,000 other sorta-smart to not-so-smart kids, which latter group includes a relatively high percentage of really hot girls and elite athletes?

      A.

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  2. You insufferable snob. Hunger Games is a completely decent book. It's also written for pre-teens, so maybe you could cut it some slack.

    I'd also like to take this time to castigate you for not liking The Road, either. Cretin.

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    Replies
    1. Meant to say young adults, not pre-teens.

      Still, SHOVE IT IMG.

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    2. Ohmigod, I know, right?

      IMG didn't even like Titanic!

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    3. Well, not anymore, but when you were a 15 year old girl it certainly creamed your jeans.

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    4. So my girlfriend insisted I read the trilogy because, well, "They're sooooooooooooo good!"

      I got through the first two books essentially by hating Katniss and every single decision she made. I was actively rooting against her, and I think that helped me a bit to get through it. She is a portrayed as a waffling, selfish twat. A twat-waffler, if you will.

      Everyone says the third book is easily the worst, whereas I actually enjoyed it the most. The main character finally takes her head out of her own ass long enough to realize that maybe, just maybe, the world doesn't revolve around her, and starts to fight the power.

      Whatever. My $.02. And I will be seeing the movie because, "Oh My God they made it into a movie can we go see it pleeeeeezzzeeee?!?!?"

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    5. A girl I'm seeing made me go see the midnight showing last night, in a theater crowded with a kids aged about 13-16. Movie wasn't terrible, but after my theater experience, I'm all for a show that lets me watch those little fuckers fight to the death for my amusement.

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    6. Not surprised you have pre-teens on the mind, you sick fuck, why don't you have a seat over there, buddy?

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  3. My interest, or rather lack thereof, in The Hunger Games is driven by the number of posts about clogging up my Facebook newsfeed. Specifically, posts by the three dumbest people on my friends list: A former co-worker (to be fair, she's not so much dumb as emotionally stunted to the point being a virtual teenager), my wife's friend and my brother.
    A question I've never asked myself: "What movie would my dumb-ass brother who constantly posts stupid shit in the hopes that his friends will "like" every 7th or 8th post think is a good movie?"

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    1. It's not a good premiere Facebook feed weekend to have teenage nieces, I can tell you that much.

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  4. Ok, I'll admit it. I clicked through to the Jezebel Cross-post. It's an FJM piece on an Esquire article that was written by a woman. (Muttering) I found the Jezebel piece amusing and worth the time.

    (Shifts feet uncomfortably) I'd hand in my "Man Card" by I lost that years ago when I bought a Feist album.

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    Replies
    1. I liked it too. Started off strong (I thought the Walt Whitman line was hilarious), lost momentum in the middle, but brought it back with the strong concluding paragraph. It was a needed takedown, since the thesis of the article she was snarking was pretty despicable.

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    2. I liked the article. That Lindy West is a pretty funny writer.

      P.S. Someone gave my comment an accidental promotion!

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    3. NICE! Bro-tap!

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    4. That was legitimately funny. That dude wants to fuck some hair so bad. and legendary sure-footed blowjobs of the galloping Jewesses. were Big Daddy Drew worthy. Thanks for pointing it out - there was a 0% chance I was going to click through otherwise.

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    5. @Lionel

      I don't know which is funnier, your comment or the "accidental" promotion.

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    6. That comment was gold, Lionel. +1

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    7. @Lionel

      +1, that's awesome.

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  5. Due to the large amount of paperwork required by Man Cards, we have migrated to an e-Man system. Just go to our website, opt-in to the Ed Hardy Times, and click send. Alternatively, simply fist-pound the next person who says "microbrew".

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  6. There just aren't enough comments that start with "I wonder if Tim Tebow banged this dead guy's wife in the butt". It's kind of a lost art, but I'm glad to see it returning.

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    1. The Amazing SneijdermanMarch 23, 2012 at 4:58 PM

      I have to admit brymick11's comment in the Sharper post is making me laugh.

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    2. Good call - I'm not sure if it is intentionally funny or unintentionally funny. So, if it just had a tad more racism in it, it would be as perfect a pink comment as the one I linked below.

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  7. I have no idea if this is funny, racist, or stupid (or all three). Isn't that more or less the definition of the pink comment of the day?

    (On Lebron hoodie post: "Somehow I don't think the Heat would be showing the same support if someone got shot wearing a condom.")

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  8. Did the LeBron James/Heat article cross-post to Gawker or Jezebel? Where are the weirdos coming from?

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  9. Two things:

    1. Can we please get this dude out of here? He's a troll, and not a good one. Fucking clueless.

    2. I already know how this will sound, but bear with me. Has anyone ever noticed the tendency of some (not all, calm down) pink and/or grey commenters to exclusively +1 and praise really dumb jokes from other pink/grey commenters? This post is what made me consider it, but it happens often. Sometimes, it's in the same post as another well-received joke, sometimes not. It's like some kind of counter-culture thing. Really weird.

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    1. Guy Who Says YeeeeesMarch 23, 2012 at 8:09 PM

      Shouldn't you be alerting us to the Gakwer posts you didn't like today?

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    2. Twitter/MKM/Deadspin - it's a package deal, man. You gotta get the whole BronzeHammer experience.

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    3. @BH - I have a feeling that there is an anonymous troll who doesn't like you very much. Have you thought about crawling into a corner and crying? If not, you might give it a shot - it's very therapeutic for those tough times when a gutless nobody says mean things to you.

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    4. @Dubai - Honestly I couldn't tell if he was being a cock or not. Though, yeah, as much as we all enjoy the "Guy who..." jokes, anonymous comments are a failure here.

      But I'm not even hurt. I'm such an egomaniac, it thrills me to know someone's noticed me, for good or bad. Ask IMG how many times I refresh the site a day. (Don't say a word, IMG).

      Anybody else hate/love/adore/despise me? I need it.

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    5. Well, not to be too creepy or anything, but I am slightly obsessed with you. In fact, I have spent the last 5 hours carefully delving into your real identity. It took me a while, but I am now convinced that you are, in fact, John Boehner. The "bronze" and "hammer" parts were the giveaway.

      Delete
    6. Guy who posts anonymous gutless shots at BronzeHammerMarch 23, 2012 at 8:34 PM

      You cut me reallll deep.

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    7. The same guy, againMarch 23, 2012 at 8:39 PM

      BronzeHammer? More like...fuck, what medal is after bronze? Nevermind.

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    8. @guy. Look, be funny, make good observations, or get out. This "guy who" stuff isn't creative, isn't amusing, and isn't effective in your primary goal of other commenters look bad.

      The sad part is that you must agree - if you thought this tripe was quality material, you'd put your normal "handle" against it.

      Delete
    9. Thanks, Dubai. Anon, you were my favorite troll so far. The guy who shits on Fat-leaveher and cobra, brah? An amateur by comparison.*

      *Just kidding - everyone knows you're the same guy.

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    10. @ Dubai

      There are guys who say they do stuff, and then there are guys who really do do stuff. Don't waste your breath on the former.

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    11. An entirely different guyMarch 23, 2012 at 10:16 PM

      @last guy

      You said do-do.

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    12. Bro, I was not trolling. Sorry if it came off that way, but I was just making a joke. That idiot who responded below me is fucking dumb though.

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    13. @SSE - I laughed at all of 'em, anyway. My feelings on anonymous commenters have a lot more to do with not being able to follow a fucking thread here if my life depended on it.

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  10. On a lighter note, "Triumph of the Will Clark" has been hilarious in DUAN tonight, and has been a few other nights as well. I'd like to see him more during the day.

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    1. Guy who agrees with DubaiAtNightMarch 23, 2012 at 9:03 PM

      I agree!

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  11. Remember when this place wasn't a toxic morass where some asshole didn't sit back and anonymously sling insults? Remember when this wasn't the sort of place that invited that same asshole to attempt to invade someone's privacy and expose their real name, in violation of every internet more and every real person's sense of decency? Remember when the operator of the site actually took effective measures to stop people from doing that and didn't just feebly scold and make ineffective threats that he had no intention of following up on because he was so wrapped up in getting his little pageviews and his 15 minutes of fame? Remember those days?

    I don't.

    A landlord can claim "I didn't know it was a crack house" only so many times before his protestations lose credibility.

    Clean it up, or shut it down, IMG.

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    Replies
    1. So don't read it. I couldn't give a damn about page views or "15 minutes of fame." This was a gag blog. The only reason its still here is because people want it to be here. There's been one out of bounds comment in the last two weeks and it was deleted within a half hour.

      Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get drunk and not worry about people getting their feelings hurt on the internet for a bit.

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    2. minus 1 p diddy.

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    3. Guy Who Remembers When Certain Deadspin Editors Didn't Anonymously Post Comments As Guy Who Can't Remember That TimeMarch 23, 2012 at 10:20 PM

      That's a pretty weak move, buddy.

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    4. Is this the 5 o'clock free cheese-crack giveaway?

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    5. Thanks for the response Mike. Have a great time getting drunk. Just a couple last points.

      Saying "so don't read it" implies that you're aware that offensive shit gets posted here and that it is the reader's problem, not yours.

      Which is kind of weird, considering that you then point out how some bad thing was taken care of quickly, which implies that you do care.

      So which is it, do you not actually care and just play lip service to caring, or do you really care about the stuff that people are saying here? Little confused by that wording, as well as the actual day-to-day comments.

      Also, I'm not sure what point you're making with saying "The only reason its still here is because people want it to be here." Is that another admission that you're totally aware that this provides a platform for dickheads to do smear people - something that you claim to abhor? Are you employing pimp logic by justifying your actions through claiming that you're just a responding to a demand? Just seems like some contradictions are in need of clarification.

      If you get that this place, as it currently is, invites and hosts the sort of discourse that it does (privacy violations aside), and you can tolerate it, that's cool, own it. As it is though, you can't deny that despite your wrist slaps, it goes on, and leads to the sorts of other comments that are far more pernicious and damaging.

      You're the guy who can change what happens here, if you want.

      Delete
    6. Definitely not Cheese Maxc, btw. Another starred commenter, to be sure, but hey, does it matter who I am? No. The answer is no.

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    7. Do you not see the irony of this?

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    8. Your logic is impeccable. I invite you not to read it if it you don't enjoy the comments for any reason (although that seems to be an invitation you have declined, as is your right). I do care that this place not be a cesspool which is why I have taken great pains to limit that sort of stuff and I'd say it's just about gone other than a single unfortunate comment last night that I deleted the second I saw it.

      I say it's here because people want it to be here because that's self-evident. Even you seem interested enough to read and post here. So, you got me, I guess?

      Seriously, man, if you're bothered by gutter discourse about stuff like the University of Florida's academics, accidental promotions, or the awkward flirtation between DubaiAtNight and BronzeHammer, that's totally cool. I'm policing for people talking shit anonymously about other commenters or ragging on comments for no good reason. Not seeing any of that, I'm going back to my boozing and catching up on the last few weeks of Hardcore Pawn (we're totally like Les and Seth now, can't you see it?).

      Cheers.

      Delete
    9. @ Guy who can't remember:

      What SV8 said. You're complaining about people anonymously shitting on each other by...anonymously shitting on IMG? If it really bothers you, put your name on it. I'm surprised people think you might be cheese-mac; he's always had the guts to put his name to his comments. It does matter who you are.

      Or, if it really bothers you, don't read it. I'm pretty sure IMG doesn't owe you a thing when it comes to the content of this blog.

      Personally, I think a lot of the comments here are funny, and allow for a different sort of interaction than Deadspin. The really negative slandering is regrettable, but 1) there seems to be less of it in general and 2) it is a pretty small percentage of the comments, especially when compared to any other comment section out there.

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    10. Well said, IMG. I remain totally befuddled by the "starred commenter" who cares enough about this site to post long comments about how to run it, but not enough to attach his name to it. For one, what's to be ashamed of? I think he's wrong, but it's not out of bounds rude or anything. Second, he has to know no one's taking him seriously as an anonymous guy.

      (call me, Dubai)

      Delete
    11. The Girl That Biggie Shit On In That One SongMarch 24, 2012 at 12:17 AM

      There has been a lot less shitting lately, unfortunately.

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    12. I would call, but you look so peaceful in there - I don't want to wake you up.

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  12. Unfortunately, some idiot had to make my intent unclear. The +1 was for IMG. "Guy" - go fuck yourself.

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  13. Hey hey hey! Good-natured towel-snapping ONLY!

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  14. ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh. look at all these guyzzz here. i am so wet. who wants their cock sucked? i love meat. gimme meat. In my mouth. fill me up fellas. i want to be your plus 1. in my cooter. i loovvvveeee baloggers. do me!

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    Replies
    1. I hope you don't expect the American taxpayers to foot the bill for this kind of behavior.

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  15. IMG, the internet is no place for hurtful stuff, so please delete this unholy place. Actually, now that I've said that, I've changed my mind. If people are going to comment under funny made up names on a website, then they really shouldn't be getting their feelings hurt if some other person commenting under another funny made up name rips them to shreds.

    You know what? Scratch that. I don't know how I feel about this, but if anyone wants to discuss it, here's my address.

    1869 Mammal Way
    Phintopia, Phinland, 16969

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    Replies
    1. hahahahaha ... you spelled Finland incorrectly and the real Finland doesn't even have zip codes, idiot!! You're a moron ... more angry stuff ... and some more ... and a bit more ... and ... [cums]

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