Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Gettysbalog Address

So, we here at the balog pooled all of our funds together and brought in one of those fancy balog-consulting firms to advise us about life after IMG. The results were not what we had hoped for.

The first 17 pages of their report contained nothing more than empty feedback such as "You guys should really get a life", "Don't you people have anything better to do?", and "When was the last time you felt the loving touch of a woman?" We failed to see how any of this was relevant.

However, page 18, simply labeled "Plan B", contained one, simple, 5-word phrase: "See pages 1 through 17."

So, it was during a seemingly endless game of Tic-Tac-Toe (I eventually won) on the reverse side of said page that we came to the following conclusions- (1) Top left is the best place for the first "O", and (2) we need to reorganize.

Sometime in the days to come, we will be introducing some new editors. Instead of the notoriously schizophrenic CJ, who may still appear from time to time, you can expect to see some new faces, with their own, unique psychological disorders. All of whom are committed to upholding the unquestionable "balog integrity" that you have come to expect from IronMikeGallego and his band of buffoons.

Until then, use the space below to type entertaining things about things from that other site that may or may not be equally entertaining. Or whatever else may strike your pretty little fancies. And rest assured that this will remain the world wide net's premier balog for making "Guy Who" comments about comments on another site where you use different fake names. We would never take that away from you.

Enjoy this video, but don't you dare cut the clownin'. The thread is open, like your minds to this change.







26 comments:

  1. Yeah, this song is dedicated
    To all the readers who stuck with me through this beef
    To everybody who gave me props
    I know it's been hostile round here lately
    But we got to push it all aside today. Let's do this for CJ everybody
    I'll lay this down one time for y'all

    Check it, check it..

    It was all a dream
    I used to think ninjas would come for me
    That Cheese mac and company would give a vicious screed
    Hittin' edit more and more
    Every pyramid would make me laugh, Mr. IronMikeGallego
    I let my jokes rock 'til my jokes popped
    Postin' made up interviews, laughin' at FUPA's drop
    Way back, when promotions were all that now I'm back
    My posts are all in black
    Remember David Hume, Hu-ah, Hu-ah
    You never thought a pinko could make it this far
    Now I'm in the limelight 'cause I shine bright
    Time to get praise, rise up like when Tommy stayed
    Born sinner, the opposite of a winner
    Remember when I used to eat Street Cheese for dinner
    Peace to AJ D, Bald Sheed, and Will Leitch
    MKM yes, but not Pete G
    I'm blowin' up like you thought I would
    Send your ones, same handle same hood
    It's all good

    Uh, and if you don't know, now you know

    You know very well who you are
    Don't let em hold you down, we are all stars
    Plus ones they flow, but not that many
    'cause you're the only ones who give 'em on the ready


    /drops mic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was good.

      Delete
    2. Guy Who Repairs MicrophonesApril 24, 2012 at 8:52 AM

      Wow you are good for business.

      Delete
  2. For those of you that missed it, this thread from last night's DUAN was fucking hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Breaking: I really hate Buzz Bissinger. Reading his comments fills me with an almost otherworldly rage. Which I then dump on some poor jalopnik commenter on Drew's post who was no more irritating than most of the comments on Drew's post. Sorry guy, you probably didn't deserve that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I ain't got no mother fucking friends
    That's why I stole your thread
    You unfunny mother fucker (Fuck Baloggy)
    Let's ride
    Bad Balog Killers (Fuck Baloggy)
    You know who the realist is
    Baloggy, I'm after you (Fuck Baloggy)

    First you stole your bit
    And the balog you claim
    You beg for plus ones
    Cause you have no shame
    You claim to be a legend
    But you have no life
    I bust on Bad Balogs
    You can feel my knife
    Plus Baloggy tryin' to seem like he
    hard, I'm real.
    Baloggy Smalls is just a knockoff of
    Kenny Baloggins
    I had to come here
    cause you broke the only rule
    'stead of funny,
    you just ramble like a tool
    Obey the rule.
    You got one fan, Bring Back Anothony
    But he'll leave you.
    He'll kick your young ass out
    Cause he don't need ya
    Your game is weak.
    It's over then,
    You must be missing Dashiell B
    Posting god damn Simpsons pics from '93
    So fuck peace
    I'm letting Baloggy know
    It's on for life
    CJ can't save you
    Here tonight (Hahaha!)
    Bad Balogs murdered on M-K-M
    fuck with me
    And taste your last meal
    You know, see

    Grab your glocks when you see Tubalog
    Call the cops when you see Tubalog, ya
    Forgot me,
    And our unfinished business
    Now you 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace
    Baloggy, I hit 'em up

    /drops mic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. +1

      Would have been +2 if you'd gone with 2balogaclypse Now

      Delete
  5. Guy Who Wrote "There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea"April 24, 2012 at 8:24 PM

    There's a hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a hole, there's a hole, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea.

    There's a blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a blog, there's a blog, there's a blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

    There's a comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a comment, there's a comment, there's a comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea

    There's a balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a balog, there's a balog, there's a balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea

    There's a song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a song, there's a song, there's a song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

    There's a +1 on the song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a +1 on the song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea
    There's a +1, there's a +1, there's a +1 on the song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea

    There's some guy named Analysis Rube telling everyone to get bent under the +1 on the song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea.
    There's some guy named Analysis Rube telling everyone to get bent under the +1 on the song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea.
    There's some guy, there's some guy, there's some guy named Analysis Rube telling everyone to get bent under the +1 on the song on the balog 'bout the comment on the blog in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

    Good night everybody!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. /sighs
      //searches for consulting firm's number

      Delete
  6. I don't know why, they want more memes
    It's like the more funny we come across
    The more pink trolls we see

    I don't know why, they want more memes
    It's like the more funny we come across
    The more pink trolls we see


    Uhh, uhhh

    B.I.G., B-A L-O-G
    Give up props, to the, IMG
    'Nalasys Rube is mad cause I made it
    Trolls like hell, he knows we the greatest
    Our team supreme, stars gleam
    Fuck your meme up on our scene, we see that
    Trash you leave on E S-P-N
    Cats in poses, smack in doses
    Ok boy? I told ya, no one likes you, see?
    Rube's too much, I snooze, too much
    Trolls on page, don't miss your whole bunch
    I guess it's cause you run with Tubalog too much
    Me lose my star? Never that.
    If I did, ain't no problem to get it back
    Where the true Deadspin at?
    Throw your stars up in the sky
    Wave em side to side and keep your jokes fly
    While you laugh so hard you cry, plus one please
    Textually, you all see, King Baloggy
    get featured reg. in the comments of Deadspin
    I'm also known, for my comments where I spit
    mad game, you got to know, I got to go
    Got the jokes don't miss that, pick up ones
    way too fast, dangerous
    on live chats, leave your ass with that

    /drops mic

    I don't know why, they want more memes
    It's like the more funny we come across
    The more pink trolls we see

    I don't know why, they want more memes
    It's like the more funny we come across
    The more pink trolls we see

    ReplyDelete
  7. Can't...can't we all just get abalog?

    ReplyDelete
  8. White man came across the sea, he brought us pain and IMG
    He took our bribes, he smoked our weed
    He still loathes, Apollo Creed

    He's so damn old, if you couldn't tell
    He remembers when, Jessica fell in that well

    Then the balog, became too much for he
    Then CJ came to set him free

    Sliding by pinkclouds with frenetic haste,
    He's no time for their games

    Erasing the comments he thinks will cause pain,
    Leaving only a name

    He'll drop the hammer if he thinks you're a hack
    He doesn't care if you're white or you're black

    Run to the hills - RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES

    ReplyDelete
  9. You people are all insane.

    +1s all around.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's _____ and Baloggy, Baloggy. It's _____ and Baloggy, Baloggy.
    It's _____ and Baloggy, Baloggy. It's _____ and Baloggy, Baloggy.
    Trolls die, trolls die, trolls die, trolls die.
    I shine bright, shine bright, shine bright, shine bright.


    Starred and dangerous
    ain't too many complain 'bout us
    stars come free no pay for us, label us Notorious.
    Plus one figures we roll in most, it's strange to us
    Barstoolers be manic and, panickin'
    Cause Mad Bastards scored all our wins, others filled in
    We just sittin' here trying to win, new jokes within
    Maverick gleams, he's starred again
    Just promote our old friend Phin
    that blue circle pops, we won again
    Tubalog you should too, if you knew, what this game'll do to you
    been in Starville now how 'bout you?
    Look at all the pink shit I've read through
    so called beef with Analysis Rube
    missed a few pyramid shots or two
    Now I do right, boxing night Iron
    Mike-shit not to be fuck wit.
    Motherfucker better edit quick
    'cause me and my balogs love to mock shit,
    punk don't suck, and don't complain
    no aspiration to quit the game.
    Spit your game, DUAN your shit, raid live chats, don't post gifs,
    keys don't quit, just hit the right ones
    C-P-H is just here to have fun
    Gamboa can show you how it's done
    Friend them both, ya gotta like one
    Star situation is a tight one
    What you wanna do? fight or run?
    Seems to me that you'll take thee,
    _____ and me never type slowly
    I'm gonna tell you like a legend told me,
    only rule is to be funny.
    Shit lyrically, Baloggins can't see me, fuck it,
    write the joke, read the joke, post it,
    post the shit before you caught yourself editin' -- always writing real sentences.
    Doesn't it seem odd to you
    I comes through with stars and crews
    Get plus ones every day or two
    who's the realest? Me or Rube?

    /drops mic

    We forgive you, for you know not what you do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is, by far, your finest work.

      +1

      Delete
  11. This comment is just so good. So excellent. So sharp. Shame he doesn't bring that laser wit around more.

    ReplyDelete
  12. At approximately 8:19 PM, PDT, balogger Tubalog Shakur was killed in his mother's home, as he was coming up the basement stairs to get a snack. According to witness Snoop Baloggy Balog, a friend of Tubalogs with whom he was writing a new single, "2 of the Balogispheres Most Lauded," a large man in a black ski mask was waiting in the kitchen as Tubalog was coming up the stairs. Tubalog was shot several times in the chest, and was considered Unhearted on Arrival. The suspect is still at large, and a manhunt is currently underway. He is considered to be armed and dangerous. Anyone with any information that may assist in the suspect's capture should call the Balogger's Tipline at 1-800-BALOGGING.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who shot ya?
      Tried to start a beef on this balog with me
      Time to sleep, troll, Rest In Peace
      It's done Tubalog, fuck all that bickering beef
      I still stand tall, shame you can't take a peek
      Your heart count down, you're six feet deep
      Wondering, how did they find me?
      Think about balogs, ya never got a "Ha!"
      Jokes flowed like Master P, we just said "Nah, nah"
      Tried to steal the balog, nobody warned ya
      Boredom, your lyrics were weak, like most you trolls are
      Old school new school need to learn though
      I give plus ones just as long as you earn them
      Learn more from Deadspin every day though
      Gourmet Spud's no Idaho potato
      Baloggins know, trash talk like this has a time and a place
      Fuckin with B.A.L.O.G. ain't safe
      C.J. ran this place, not ninjas, they past that
      Bumps and bruises, kicked out some Rube shit
      Big Baloggy smash fools, bash fools
      Trolls mad because I know plus ones rule
      M-K-M around M B-A don't lie
      Anyone who reads this will just end up [dying]
      And I'm, Deadspin's finest
      You won't be missed, Bad Balogg's behind this

      /drops mic

      Delete