Wednesday, May 16, 2012

MKMOT (May 16, 2012)

Are we doing this?

ARE WE DOING THIS???

Balog...open...thread.

Talk.


37 comments:

  1. Actual monkeys from the arcticMay 16, 2012 at 10:44 AM

    IMPOSTORS

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  2. You're doing the Lord's work.

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    Replies
    1. This thing was already broken when you gave it to me, I swear.

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  3. A guy who is boredMay 16, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    OK, fine, I'll start.

    [Funny commenter] is not actually funny and hasn't been funny in a long time. His/her jokes are lame and he/she smells like dogshit. I don't know this for sure, but I think we can assume it is true.

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    Replies
    1. /flattered that he is described as [Funny commenter]

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    2. I disagree! [Funny commenter] is still very funny, even if he/she isn't around as much anymore. He/she probably smells like fresh pine needles and/or flowers. His puns are sharp and his recontextualizations of 6 words of an umpire post are always top-notch.

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    3. Both of you guys are idiots. Why are we even talking about [funny commenter] when, after the comment redesign, Nick Denton will go to every starred commenter's home and stab them to death, thereby rendering them unable to comment in the future?

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    4. Also a different guyMay 16, 2012 at 11:18 AM

      I heard Nick's going to use this awesome new Swiss Army knife to stab everybody to death. I can't wait to see it!

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    5. And the knife will run Android!

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    6. A non-techie guyMay 16, 2012 at 11:19 AM

      GO BACK TO GIZMODO

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    7. A gender-neutral guyrlMay 16, 2012 at 11:21 AM

      WHY ARE ALL OF THESE IMAGINARY PEOPLE GUYS, HUH? WOMEN DON'T USE THE INTERNET?

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    8. Go back to Jezebel! And come back with a sandwich!

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    9. WE WANT RAYSISM'S HEAD ON A STICK, FOR SOME REASON!

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    10. OK, but only if the stick is the little toothpick in the sandwich you are bringing.

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    11. YOU GUYS ARE DICKS!

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    12. A guy who is everybodyMay 16, 2012 at 11:26 AM

      Way to feed into the stereotype of women always using caps lock on the internet.

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    13. [updates stereotype chart]

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    14. This is exactly the kind of stuff we were hoping for.

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    15. I see where you're going with this, but I disagree with your assessment. I was never funny at any point.

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  4. Playing with the boys
    Playing, playing with the boys
    Playing, playing with the boys, get up, get up
    Playing, playing with the boys, get up, get up
    Playing

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  5. HERPDERP

    Read that gem before it's moved to hineyholeisland.

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  6. Hey, here's your turd of the day:

    http://deadspin.com/5910845/the-angels-are-getting-desperate?comment=49811101#comments

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  7. That's not great, but dig the pinks in the survey thread before casting any stones.

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    Replies
    1. @IMG

      Looks like a Jezebel crosspost. That's too easy.

      But seriously, did anyone else recognize my friend Brady in that picture? Cray-Cray.

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  8. Did we talk about this yet?

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    Replies
    1. I missed that the first time around, thank you.

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    2. Most important is the response from comment ninja.
      Second in importance is that I learned how to hyperlink stuff properly.
      Who says the world isn't getting better?

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    3. Look, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but she's awful. She embodies all the worst stereotypes about women. She just makes stupid terrible comments about how promiscuous she is, and expects that all men are so totally inept with women that we'll fall over ourselves in excitement as soon as one presents herself as available.

      That's as nice as I can possibly be about it.

      Also, either she's a dude, or there's a SWAT team about to kick in her stepdad's trailer door any minute.

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  9. Nearly every comment in this thread is fucking hilarious. Great work.

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  10. Probably a Total AssholeMay 16, 2012 at 9:02 PM

    I guess I'm probably a total asshole for saying this, but I have never thought AOBTS's Olive Garden schtick was funny (although I do enjoy most of his other work.)

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    Replies
    1. I have always been a huge fan. The formulaic nature is part of what makes them so hilarious. And I'm really not a fan of the guy in general. He wears extremely short jorts, and smells like sulfur and heavy cream.

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    2. I gladly suffer the slings and arrows, knowing that I've made Hooneriphic giggle.

      Delete
  11. One two three four five six seven eight nine

    Uhh, it's the ten balog commandments
    What, uhh, uhh
    Look ya can't help but laughin' at this joke, uh-huh
    Can't help but laughin' at this track, ya dig?
    To my hustlin jokers
    Look I tried to warn ya, I ain't mad at you Baloggins
    Our Deadspin team figures. One up.

    One two three four five six seven eight nine. Ten.

    You want me to stay, I'm here, the haters can't stand it though.
    It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
    A step by step booklet for you to get
    your game on track, you must earn your laughs.
    Rule nombre uno: sometimes just press cancel
    because, we all know, how grind mode
    can sometimes seem desperate we all agree
    if you're trying too much, you jokes will be rough.
    Number two: make sure that your comment is new.
    If someone beat you just redact or retract it.
    We all [sigh] at that shit. (uh-huh)
    We believe you're pissed but the fact is you're not that quick.
    Number three: never troll no-bo-dy
    Ninjas will clean that shit up, they don't need backup.
    You need to pass up, shit, or be gassed up
    you'll be back in pink status, cause you were just dumb.
    Number four: know you heard this before
    Meta don't fly, please don't even try.
    Number five: always aim for laughs, simple as that
    No one cares 'bout corrections found, fuck your pound
    Number six: let your typo slip? Just edit
    You think that no one will see that? Shit, believe it.
    Seven: this rule is so underrated
    Keep your work friends and Deadspin completely separated
    Comments and work don't mix and one snitch or some bitch
    Find yourself in serious shit
    Number eight: replies are not about you
    If you're not leaving plus ones, then think twice, dude.
    Number nine shoulda been number one to me
    If you ain't bein' funny it's okay to just read (uh-huh)
    If baloggas think you whiffin', don't bother glisten'
    Starville ain't open admittance, you'll lose your pass real quick
    Number ten: try to know 'bout Deadspin's past
    Know who's the veterans, and the freshmen
    If you don't get that one guys joke, ya must know
    That the ones are cause it's funny, just let it go
    Follow these rules you'll have new friends to make, ugh
    If not, DUAN with your peers, they won't make ya
    Chug if ya drink though, watch your friends go up
    the hearts are not what make ya, just cause laughs
    Your girl said you can stay up,
    Her outlook is that way she won't have to make love
    Heard she tolerates this, and can hook a steak up
    Gotta go gotta go, more laughs to make up, word up, uhh

    Balog king, Frank Baloggard, Uhh

    One two three four five six seven eight nine. Ten

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    Replies
    1. That's amazing. I think the ninjas should just link to that from now on when correcting those out of line.

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    2. 98 % of these "raps" are 47% retarded. This is actually really excellent. Kudos.

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    3. Great stuff. You're way better than that Kenny Baloggins cat.

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