Monday, October 22, 2012

MKMOT/50 Days of HATE- Day 37 (October 22, 2012)

Another exhilarating weekend! I don't even know how I have energy left to put this masterwork together, but I'll give it a shot.

You know what's a good indicator that a song is terrible? Your dorky social studies teacher incorporating it into his lesson plan. IT MENTIONS PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT WERE ONCE PEOPLE AND THINGS!!! HISTORY!!!!!!!

But hey, it was groundbreaking. Until this, there really wasn't a musical template for things like reciting your grocery list, or naming the colors in the Crayola 64 box. Burnt Sienna, Raw Umber, 62 is now the number, Periwinkle, Forest Green, CRAYONS AREN'T TOYS OR FIGURINES!!!

I can't take it anymore either, Billy. At least it's "catchy", right? It's open.


20 comments:

  1. As a Long Islander, I am legally obligated to throw acid in your face should we ever meet, Marv.

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  2. The question is, who is better able to ruin something by gleefully driving it into a tree, Billy Joel or Nick Denton?

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    1. You're only saying that because Deadspin looks like an irradiate, reduced-to-rubble cityscape and Burgess Meredith just broke his glasses.

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  3. Ah Marv, bless your heart. It's obvious that you're just too young to appreciate this song. Almost everything in it evokes a little flash of memory, whether pop, sports, war, science, tragedy, life. Maybe if some caterwauling metal band wrote something about cell phones, internet, face book, twitter set, you'd have a greater appreciation. And there's nothing wrong with songs that reference history. Here another example by Procol Harum. Don't cherish your hate so much that you end up With a hole in your soul where the wind blows through - Robert Earl Keen.

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  4. You don't need a weatherman to know that it starts with an earthquake.

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  5. Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!! I fucking despise this song. I don't know why, but every Caucasian honors student in my high school thought this song was awesome. That's about all you need to know. SNL was correct to include it in this: Songs That Ruined Everything CD

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    1. Somehow I had never seen that SNL bit. Love it.

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  6. In 9th Grade English class, we were learning about Jungian Archetypes in literature, using the philosophical theory to break down the various components of the typical High School Freshman Honors English Program ie Lord of the Flies, Romeo & Juliet, Lords of Discipline, etc. Pretty standard stuff, really.

    That is, until the last week of the class, when the teacher revealed to us the most powerful, concrete example she had yet found in the artistic community that exemplified to her the entirety of the semester of learning; the one shining beacon, wrapping up and encapsulating the brilliant philispohical mind of Carl Jung into a breathtaking symbol of knowledge and the apex of Western Literature.

    Fucking Billy Joel's fucking River of Dreams.

    SRSLY. She made us listen to the damn think like two hundred times, and write a journal of what revelations his lyrics took us to and compare them to MOTHERFUCKING WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.

    My final paper included the columns: JUNG. JOEL. SHAKESPEARE. I got a B. Fuck that bitch.

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    1. This is horrific.

      She got fired, right?

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    2. Did we go to the same high school? It sounds like we both had the same evil cunt teaching us 9th grade English. Fortunately I had graduated before River of Dreams was released.

      I'd also like to note that English teachers are the fucking worst. They all get bent out of shape when students don't share their love of literature. Hey, nothing wrong with reading or enjoying the works of particular writers. However, show me a person who experienced a catharsis reading Shakespeare, and I'll show you a person with no useful skills at all. Hence why they teach English

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  7. Replies
    1. I was just about to come here and ask why Sgt. Hammerclaw was a burner now. I demand answers!

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    2. This was my first real comment in two weeks, and this is what I get?

      Maybe this is just Kinja's way of getting me back for HFTE.

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    3. For what it's worth, this appears to have happened to a lot of us. Most people in my inbox are also without their avatars. This is the first problem I can remember Kinja having though.

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  8. This sounded, still sounds, and will always sound to me like a half-assed high-school midterm presentation for 20th-Century History by that insufferable smartass who thought he was more clever than he actually was.

    All of which is to say, I'm pretty sure I wrote several things along these lines for sophomore English and Biology.

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